New New Year

 "Today is the first day of the rest of you life"; how many times I have heard that, I may never know. To be honest, I have given up on the grand new years resolutions. Last year I had one. It was easier to keep then I thought it would be and I do believe I have grown both into it and from it. My resolution was simply to no longer invest in non-reciprocal relationships. The hope was that I would not only invest more of myself into the relationships that matter the most to me. Also it was to cut those relationships that were draining. So this year I have two resolutions. The first is to be more intentional in visiting family when I am able and the second is to not start a new project in one of my many hobbies without finishing the last one. 

This year I am also keeping track of the recipes I make for my family as well as whether or not I will make them again. Two things I know I will have to make again so far and the recipes I want to try, I will. The family is on board, which is a good thing. 

This year I am also going back to school. I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up and it is about time I start working on it. Classes at the Technical College for me start on the 11th. With any luck I will keep a 3.0 GPA and be able to transfer to University in the fall of 2022. Then in 2024 when my son graduates from High School, I will be graduating from College with my BA in Middle School English and History. In all honesty, I can't wait to have my own classroom and I am very much looking forward to being a teacher. Since the spring of 2019 I have been a substitute teacher. I have been asked by many both teachers and school administrators why I don't have my own classroom. In four years, I will. 

I am also going to be starting up my meal planning again and there are so many things I need to get back in the swing of around the house. This year is going to be different; I am going to be better, and the rest I will forgive myself for. 

Be Blessed Dear Readers and this year, I wish you enough:

I wish you enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

(The copyright for this poem belongs to the author: Bob Perkins)

Love and Marriage

         Marriage has been on my heart lately. Not just because I am married.. more because there is so much that I don't understand but fully appreciate about it. Hubby and I have been together for 13 years. Most days it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like I have known him all my life. 
There have been ups and there have been downs. Sometimes the ups out number the downs, other times the downs seem overwhelming. In the military I have seen many relationships. Some have been more grounded then others. While I have admired the relationships of others, I am ever grateful for mine. I wanted to write a little about that, and hope that you will bare with me,

          Hubby and I have a wonderful working relationship. Last year he and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. My wonderful sister N sent us an anniversary card:

Love is not for sisses. Love is not all music and moonlight and romance.

Love, real love takes work. it takes patience and courage and commitment.

real love- the kind that makes two people make as promise as big as " I DO"-

isn't easy. but if anything in life is worth the effort, it's Real Love. 

and if anyone deserves that kind of LOVE it's the two of you.

I was brought to tears. My sisters have had an almost front row seat to my marriage. There is much and more they don't know. We have had our trials and difficult situations. Through it all Hubby and I have been openly honest with each other. Hubby is my best friend and we tell each other almost everything. Almost, because there are somethings we choose to keep private. 

     I had many insecurities in the beginning. There was so much baggage that I brought into this relationship with because of my past. I remember the anxiety and the fear I had. That I would not measure up to some imagined vision of what a wife really was.  I admired the wives portrayed in the 50's. These surly were women that had it all together. I held myself to that standard for sometime. Hubby would come home from work and I would have dinner waiting. In the beginning the house would be clean, and once he came home there was nothing he had to do but relax. Then the children came, and the housework took a back seat to being a parent. I regretted the digression from having a neat and orderly house, to one of chaos and clutter. Then Hubby would remind me that he likes the home we have, and doesn't miss the house we used to.

     

        I say all of this because so much of it ties into our marriage. Marriage is so much more than rainbows and butterflies. It is hard work that unless you have a great partner, it is tough to stay afloat. I can honestly say that Hubby loves me as Christ loves the Church. I know that he would do anything for me including laying down his life. Hubby has a chronic pain condition and it seeps into every part of our relationship. The simple overwhelming fact that he gets up everyday and makes an intentional effort to be a part of our families lives is amazing to me. Hubby doesn't give into the pain or the other baggage that threatens to take him away from us. He fights with every moment to be here, in the present. 

          This last year form 12 to 13 has been a difficult one. Years ago when Hubby had open spinal surgery I leaned on Heavenly Father just to breathe, I thought that I was close. But as life and little things do it got in the way and I drifted. Heavenly Father still watched and guided me, in all honesty I drifted away. Towards the end of the year things got rough. I could see how our relationship had deteriorated and that our children were suffering. Hubby went into the hospital as a last ditch effort to save his life and our marriage. Then I got a call. It was horrific. The nurse told me that Hubby almost died. I felt a black hole open up in my chest,  everything I had ever dreamed was getting sucked in and I was bereft. I have never felt so alone. I went to see an artist friend of mine S. I wanted a new tattoo. Something to remind me that this fight for Hubby's life is not over, that although I married Hubby, he does not belong to me, I asked my friend: " What do I do now?" S just looked at me and said " You go home and be the best Mom you can be for your kids, Don't worry about him, He is going to get the help he needs" . So I went home, On the way I called my brother in law D. I asked him to pray and I asked for his advise. D told me that I had to give all of Hubby to God. Every part of our marriage. All of the emotions and memories, all the hopes and dreams of the future and I would have to do so repeatedly. In angry bitter tears I thanked him and hung up. The drive home was difficult; I screamed, I cried, I begged. I prayed. I found peace; then came joy. It was still going to be hard, but I was confidant that  heavenly Father was going to see me through. When I got home I had the strength to do the best I could for the kids. 

         Hubby cam home about a week later. I have had the humble privilege of watching a change take over him. Our relationship changed, his walk with Heavenly Father changed, the way he parents the children beside me changed. There has been much change in the past 6 months. Recently when we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We had a Marriage Encounter one weekend, that one weekend changed everything again. There is an intimacy now in our relationship that did not exist before. There is a security and celebration not only in our commitment to each other, but in the welcoming of Heavenly Father in our marriage. I am humbled and excited to see where this road will take us. I am also more determined than before that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and His plan is far better then anything we could ever conceive .  

           Many times I wake in the morning with a song of praise on my lips, thankfulness in my heart and an excitement to discover what will happen next. There are other times admittedly that I awaken to a much somber emotion. However, I have learned that no matter the mood in which I greet the day, Heavenly Father will change my heart, if I humbly ask him to. There are so many ways that I see Heavenly Father's love though out my day. I encourage you dear readers to look, listen and be still. At times it is in the midst of the chaos that you will find peace. Be blessed.

        

A Reminder

     I cleaned out the truck this morning. Miniman got sick all over the back seat, on the way to the hospital. Although I did wipe down said truck shortly there after, it still reeked! Thus the cleaning of it today. I have had a lot of time to think about things lately, and doing the Bible Reading Study  has me marinating on a lot of stuff. With it being the new year many people are busy making and breaking resolutions. After my daily reading one day I realized what my word of the year was. The concept is a simple one- choose one word to fully embrace in the new year. A word that will guide you, transform you, inspire you and challenge you for the coming year. My word this year is Helpmeet. As I was cleaning the truck today I realize how diverse that word really is. It is not just about my relationship with Hubby, it is part of the center of our family life. How? Well, God made me as Hubby's equal but opposite submissive other half. I understand if that is a lot to take in. Once I started wrapping my head around it, I knew that some would consider me crazy mad.
     It is not only our relationship that I am a helper with. I am charged to be his helper in every aspect of our lives. In many ways Hubby and I have stewardship of the blessings Heavenly Father has so richly bestowed upon us. One of which is our children, as children are a reward and blessing from the Lord. Everything we own, is a result of Him blessing us. There is nothing we have that is "ours". So Hubby and I are stewards of our three biggest blessings. Our children do not belong to us, how much more should we be careful in their care?!  So when Miniman was in the hospital this week, I was reminded. Reminded that Goosie, Miniman and Bitty-bit don't belong to me. They were each born with a purpose, it is up to Hubby and I to guide and nurture them in discovering who they are in Christ. There are things that parents go through and it is hard for them. It is even harder for the parent to be restrained on the sidelines as their child goes through things alone. I am intimately familiar with the migraines that run in my family. I am also familiar with how wonderful the Lord is at seeing me though. This is the comfort I can give to Hubby as his helpmeet; in turn this confidence can be seen by the children, thus allowing the rough waters to become a gentle rocking in Heavenly Father's arms as He carries them through.
     If I were to get caught up in the whirlwind that gives Hubby and I ownership of things. It would be harder to let go and let God have his way. Who am I to tell God, the creator of everything that He cannot use Miniman for his purpose and glory? It is our job as his parents to show Miniman in our walks that God has everything under control, and that God works everything out for the good of those who love Him. We are his first teachers, and if we fail to teach him (and his sisters) about the Lord.. we are not good stewards of our blessings. In no way am I saying that Hubby and I are an example to everyone else. Rather, we are still learning and this is one thing that has been brought to my attention that I need to work on. To put it the right way: this is one more part of my life,  that I need to fully give over to the Lord so that He can be honored and glorified in it. Well, there is much to do. I have yesterday's reading to write about along with today's. Until next time dear Readers.. Be Blessed

One Blue Star

     Hubby came home yesterday with a new tea mug. The one he got me just a few short months ago is already in need of a replacement, as it has become one of my favorites. 

This is what it used to look like

The letters and design are all faded now also due to an accident in the kitchen, I have had to super glue the handle.

This is my new one.

I have never thought of myself as a blue star wife. Admittedly I don't think Hubby has either. However, regulation states that the Blue Star Banner is for the family of anyone with a family member serving in the Armed Forces during a time of conflict. You can find more information here. So when Hubby came home and presented this mug to me, I was very honored. I always thought that being a blue star spouse meant that your military member was overseas and you displayed the Blue Star Banner until their return. This however is not the case. While I am thankful to have such a meaningful mug, I am not going to go out and get a banner to display in the window as I think that will be misleading to the general public.

     When I sit and think about what it means to be a Recruiter's wife compared to being an Operational Army wife, I tend to think I have the better end of the deal. Sure Hubby has worked long hours in Recruiting and as far as a holiday off.. that has been debatable. Is the sacrifice my family is making any less stressful than that of others? I honestly don't think you can truly compare the two. The dynamics are vastly different. 

     Almost every year for the past ten when Veterans Day and Memorial Day come around I witness Hubby recognizing other Veterans. He has been asked to give speeches at High Schools, Ceremonies and other things. When someone approaches him to thank him for his service he accepts it, but then tells them that he is not the one they should be thanking. Rather it is the young men and women who are signing up and being shipped off instead. 

    In less than a year Hubby will be at 20 years of service. He joined when he was 18. While he has not seen war, he has seen his share of conflicts. Twelve years ago he was selected to be a recruiter, during his time at the school house he was injured. Due to that injury he has not been able to go back to the job he signed up for.. his first love, the infantry. He was a heavy weapons squad leader and scout team leader, Airborne/Air Assault all the way. I am not naive enough to think that if there weren't a way for him to go back, he wouldn't. When the war in Iraq started he put in his packet a number of times to return to the Infantry. Now each time one of his recruits is sent off into theater he wishes it were him instead.

     I know that his upcoming retirement will not be easy. If I really take count of the last ten years he and I have shared, they haven't been easy either. I know that not a day goes by that Hubby doesn't ache to return to his beloved infantry. I am ever so thankful that he is here with me. He has witnessed the birth of our children and has not missed a birthday, anniversary or holiday. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't trade it all for a chance to be a squad leader again. 

     Yes, we are a Blue Star family. We are fortunate that our military member serves here at home. But that doesn't mean that I see myself as any better than a wife on the operational side. If anything I see them as being tougher than myself. So I pray, I pray that their loved ones will come home. I pray that their families will be safe and strong. I pray that they will continue to be all that they are needed to be so that their military member can rest easy and stay focused on the mission. So now each day when I sit to have a cup of tea. I will remember and I will pray for each of them. I am sure they covet our prayers as a nation, as they do what they must. Until next time Dear Readers.. Be Blessed.

Being a Stay at Home Momma

     I don't work outside of the home, but I do work. I make sure all the bills are paid, their is food on the table   ( I cook 2 out of 3 meals a day and prepare the 3rd) and my husbands/the kids lunches are packed.All of the laundry and cleaning falls on my shoulders. I also take care of the up keep of the out side of house.I don't get sick days, half days or vacation. In fact when we go on vacation it is more work for me with all the packing, planning and so forth.
     By some people's definition I don't work. Is it hard to live on one income? Sometimes, yes. Am I grateful that Hubby has work and I am able to stay home. Yes. Would it cost us more if I worked outside of the home? If you figure in child care cost (4 yr old) and after school care (6 & 8 yr old's) we would be paying as much in childcare/after school care costs alone as I would be making. By clipping coupons, making everything I can from scratch and rarely eating out I am actually saving my family money. How would I feel if his income all of a sudden were gone? I can't tell you, but I would be finding what ever outside job I could to help. Please (general public) don't assume that a parent that stays at home does so to be lazy. Sometimes it is more cost effective for their family.
     When you have a one income family, that one income sustains the family. So if it goes.. not only the one making it would feel the stress.  Do I know things are hard out there, yes, I do and I try to help whenever I can. I give people rides when I see them walking down the street. Buy someone a meal if their holding up a sign saying they are hungry. I donate food to the food banks and clothes to the shelters. I am no saint, but neither am I out of work. I just don't get paid for what I do in money. I was wondering how much I would get paid for all I do.. so I found a website that figured out my salary for me. If you are interested in finding out for yourself you can find it here. By taking the quick salary quiz I discovered that if I were to get paid for my job I would get a whopping $115,908.00 a year! I wish I could just save my family that much! I may have to go and print myself out a check for every year I have been a stay at home mom and hang it on the wall (lol)!
     All joking aside, I know how much my hard work is worth to my little big family and that is more than enough payment for me. But being a stay at home mom means you are creative and flexible  I am able to enjoy lunch with each of my little ones once a week. I am also able to volunteer at their schools and assist Hubby with his Dr's appointments. There are many things I may give up like working with my peers and getting out of the house to go to work every day. But there is so much more gained. Hubby is in the Army and we move a lot. To find professional work that pays well for me is not easy. So in the past I have worked fast food jobs, drive in movie theaters and even had a home business for a while. None of that really did anything for me, except help a little financially  And to be honest to find an employer who was willing to work with me (Hubby has crazy hours sometimes) wasn't always easy. Hubby and I always made it work. With the next move looming I am already preparing our finances for the big change that is coming. I also am preparing myself for the switch of Hubby taking care of house/home and myself heading off to a nine to five. It will be an interesting transition, and I am confidant that we will come out on top. Thank you all for reading my rant and keeping us in your prayers! Until next time dear readers, Be Blessed!

True Beauty

     Hubby had an injection today. He gets them once a month, and they put him out of commission for two days.  They do help. His back is not seizing the way it was before the injection treatment started, and when his back starts to seize it doesn't last as long nor is it as intense. So he tells me. While at the pain management clinic I decided to watch people. It is a fascination of mine. To observe people going about their day. Their actions and reactions to things, the way they carry themselves or even how patient they are. Most of those I watched were elderly.
     A little lady held my interest for sometime. She wore clothes that were a bit large as if in her added years time had done what physical exertion had not. The overly large cardigan hung to her knees, pants were hitched to an uncomfortable level and belted in a way that made the waist bunch up. Her shirt was tucked neatly and her hair coiffed to perfection. I held no doubts that in her youth she kept regular hair appointments at the salon, and still did so now. Glasses were also large and for a petite woman she was dressed in what seemed like someone else's wardrobe. I would have loved to invite her to tea and scones, to listen to the wisdom all the gray on top of her elegant head proclaimed. I did not see any one with her and can only conclude that she either drove their, took a bus or her waitstaff was somewhere unseen. I hope that whomever is attached to this elderly woman understands what a treasure she is.
      There is a beauty in aging. Popular belief is that beauty is in youth. Flawless skin, long hair, and a healthy fit body. As I have grown and changed so has my idea of beauty. Sometimes I have to remind my head what true beauty really is. It is not the body figure I had in high school or even the one I had when I first met and married Hubby. True beauty is  when you are comfortable with who you are on the inside and the outside. I am not sure I would want the body I had before children back. How beautiful is it that my body helped create three people, kept them safe and nurtured them until they were ready to enter into this big bad beautiful creation of the world. I have stretch marks and what I call my "extra mommy".. all of which I have come to find the beauty in. So when I saw that little old lady today I couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was. She had aged, all of us do. If you really want to be morbid about it the moment you were born you started to die. That is how your body was created, and what a beautiful creation it is.
      Hubby was the youngest patient there today. Others looked well into there 60's if not 70's. Chronic pain has a way of aging the young. Illness has an annoying way of stealing childhoods and entrapping those we love in a spiral of despair if we their loved ones aren't diligent. I know this has been long and more then a bit rambling. There is just so much that bounces around in my head. If you have ready this far thank you. And until next time Dear Readers, Be Blessed!

Update and Rambling

     Next week Hubby is technically on leave, or as civilians would say paid vacation. I know that next week will run like any other week in the house. Due to his many doctors appointments it is hard to go anywhere. Add to that the MEB process and we really are staying home. The truth is I see him less when he is on leave then I do when he is not on leave. I am not sure how that works or really why. I hear many times of vacations to the beach, mountains or somewhere in between. I would love a family vacation. I would like to go somewhere just the two of us where we didn't have an agenda or kids.That day will come I just don't think it will come next week.
     I bought new lunch boxes for the kids. I have seen the T.V. commercials for Pack-it and figured why not, it would certainly help keep things cold. After starting to pack the kids lunches I discovered that I wanted something more in a lunch box. Something that would keep the food cold, and not take up space I could use for food the way an ice pack or cube does. I even thought of making one myself. But common sense got a hold of me and I bought these:

One for each of the kids and one for either Hubby or myself. The kids have taken them to school for a day and so far so good the bento style lunches I pack are staying colder then they have previously. Here are some of the ones I have made: 

Roast beef and provolone roll ups; 1/2 a pear; a homemade pretzel and homemade cheese crackers with a Hug to drink

Diced ham;sliced orange;carrots with ranch dip; homemade pretzel and white chocolate cream with milk to drink

Turkey spinach and ranch roll-ups; a pickle; carrots with hummus dip;green grapes; peanut butter chocolate banana nilla  sandwiches with milk to drink

Chicken salad;broccoli spears;jello; banana peanut butter chocolate roll-ups; string cheese; crackers; pretzel sticks and milk to drink

I have had to rework the packing of the lunches a little due to the amount of space in the Pack-it. I already had all the things I needed so it wasn't that big of a deal. Better lunches all around!! The kids were excited when they took there new lunch boxes to school yesterday and gave a good report on them upon returning home.  When I emptied the pack-it's  of the food containers I was pleased that they were still quite cool on the inside. I am confidant that they kept the kids lunches better chilled then any other lunch box system we have used in the past and are well worth the money spent. 

      We have also added to our family recently. His name is Koda and he is an adorable ball of fur!

Koda with Hubby on adoption day

I was not expecting this little guy to join our family, but he has for better or worse and we are thankful to have him. Each of the girls has tried to claim Koda as their own, but Hubby is adamant that Koda belongs to him.

     We still have heard nothing as far as orders go for where/when we will be leaving the home we are in now. That hasn't really stopped the leasing company from renting it out already. That's right someone is slated to move into the house we are currently occupying on the 21st of this month. We have yet to give any sort of written notice or anything else. Oh the joy, but we are paid up through the end of September and are on a month to month lease until Hubby's orders come in. The new tenets are not my problem, they are the leasing companies problem. I understand the homeowners position is not one that they can afford a rent and a mortgage.. but this is a little out of hand. I have a peace that all of this will work out and will be praying for them and everyone else involved. 

    I have started pulling away. I have never been good at saying goodbye. That word seems so final to me. I can't remember the last time we went to a going away party in our honor. I think it would be too much. Everyone I meet and make friends with means so much to me.. not just for the time I am there, but always. I am selfish. I know. When I leave I don't want to say good bye. I would rather remember the last time I saw my friend both of us thinking that it wouldn't be long until we saw each other, laughed together, hugged or went shopping. I carry them all with me in my heart. I am thankful for Facebook and Twitter that keeps me connected with some of them and email that keeps me connected with others. I don't call like I should nor do I write. But I carry them with me. I am selfish and I hope that the ones I have left behind will forgive me. Hubby and I have made as many moves as years we have been married.. and that is a lot for anyone I think. So be patient with me. When we reach our new destination it may take me a while to come out of my shell once more, to make friends and become less of a hobbit. And if after a year or so I start to pull away, please understand that is what I have grown used to doing. It is not you, it is me. So fight for me.. or I may just pull away and say goodbye without anyone being the wiser, holing up in my house with hobbies and other busy things because that is what I have done. 

     Well, that is it for me today Dear Readers. Until next time, Be Blessed!

A Trip, A Birthday and A Chance

This summer marks many mile stones for me. In my personal life, volunteerism and self awareness.
      I had the privilege to attend an AFAP conference this past week. The AFAP conference was designed back in the 80's to identify and brainstorm resolutions to issues Army Personnel and their families were having.  I was able to attend and be a small part in this process for families not only in USAREC, but Army wide. It has been a humbling, eye opening experience. I am  honored to have been a part of this conference and further humbled to be given word that I am being looked at as a delegate for the next level. The jury is still out as to when/where that will happen and if I am indeed chosen. Until I receive word I will just pray that if it is for me to be there, then there I will be.
     This month marks another birthday for me. I don't remember spending my birthday apart from my family before this year. This birthday will be one I will not soon forget. I was born on the Army's birthday. Years ago when Hubby got ready for work and was in his dress blues I teasingly asked him why he was getting so dressed up for me. He smiled and told me that it wasn't really for me, it was for the Army and every year on the Army's birthday they dress their best. But every year I still look forward to seeing him in his dress uniform on my birthday. That morning I was surprised as the Colonel announced to the entire conference that it was a special day, not just because it was the Army's birthday, but because it was mine. I had the special privilege of assisting another birthday delegate in cutting the Army birthday cake and passing it around. This was a first for me and something I am sure I will never forget. A walk on the beach and a time to rest afterwards were wonderful. Problem solving can be draining and I am looking forward to getting back to my little ones and my wonderful Hubby.
     This summer is the 10 year anniversary that Hubby and I met. Not long after we met I had moved down to Florida to help my sister.  After 10 years we are closer to the area Hubby and I met, and now being here brings so much back. The long conversations on the phone that lasted well into the night because of the 3 hour time difference. The letters and pictures we would send each other back and forth that summer. And finally when Hubby asked me to come and be with him. So very much has happend over the last 10 years and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the life we have lived. We have had our ups and downs, but through it all we have stood shoulder to shoulder in full support of each other and weathered each storm. Each year around my birthday I take time to look back, on the previous year and all the things that have happened in it. I ponder the things I could have done differently and try hard to learn from them. I see my experiences not as things that determine who I am, rather what I learn from them does.
     I have enjoyed this past week, the time of reflection it has afforded me and the many things I have learned from the process of problem solving on such a large scale. I hope that you all have had a wonderful start to your summer. Until next time dear readers.. Be blessed.

Kindness, Pretty Faces and Blind Trust..

So working at the joy that is a fast food restaurant on the night sift is always interesting. Each night has its own dose of drama and hard as I may try.. I seem to get caught up in the mess of it. I will start with kindness. Kindness is not to be mistaken for being nice. If you are nice ultimately you are naive ( look it up if you don't believe me). However if you are kind, it is a choice despite the situation or because of the situation around you. Basically there is someone at work... oh the privileges of youth. She has no clue who I am, what I stand for, what I have been through or anything. Yet she makes it a point to joke around behind my back about my kindness. Yes, I use manners at work.. I think I may be the only person who says please and thank you to the guy running the grill or whomever is working the fry station when I need something. I also try to point out good things that others do. No I am not a manager.. I do try to let others know that I appreciate the job they are doing. So this one individual is making snide comments behind my back and laughing (literally) at me. I am certain  I haven't done anything to them except point out in general that the thing that irks me the most is when someone who is getting paid to do a job doesn't do it and leaves the work for others to do. I did not point any fingers.. and if someone was offended by my words it was their own conscience.One day she like so many others is going to grow up. She will realize that  she is not the center of the universe and life indeed is hard. So live it up now you privileged youth.. reality will set in..

Pretty faces these days are everywhere. Some people are hired for jobs because their physical appearance is appealing to so many. Others are looked down upon because they don't look like a cover model. Some (on both sides) struggle with self esteem issues, others on both are content with who they are on the outside because they understand the outside is superficial.. the inside is what counts. A beautiful woman is nice to look at, the same can be said for an attractive man. However, if you take those beautiful people and pair them with blunt, selfish personalities they no longer are as attractive as before. I heard it best said this way: " You can be as pretty as the good Lord made you, but if your words and attitude are ugly.. so are you" Just think about that one for a bit. You can spend all the money you have to get all the latest fashions to look your best.. but if all you are is a pretty face.. you may leave others wondering where the rest of it went.. or what is wrong with this picture. Just sayin'.

As I was cleaning up I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between two friends. One was consoling the other on her relationship. The latter had aparently been in a long distance long term relationship with someone she met only once. The young man promised to come and see her on his spring break, but instead went somewhere else with someone else..this left the poor girl in a bit of a state. Her friend I could tell wanted to talk some sense into her, but was not getting anywhere. So the nosey Momma in me stepped in. After hearing her say that the only way to have a long distance relationship was to have blind trust in the other person. I told her that from my experience a long distance relationship or any relationship is not about having blind trust, it is about having a knowing trust. With blind trust you leave yourself open to all kinds of disappointment and pain. With knowing trust on the other hand you take in to account all the things that you know about the person and the situation.. couple that with what you know about your relationship with them. Then make a decision. With knowing trust you are at least keeping your eyes open and making yourself aware of the situations.. with blind trust, well it is blind! She did thank me and let me know that I gave her some things to think about.
Well dear readers.. It is late or early, how ever you choose to look at it and I am now ready for sleep. Be Blessed.

Weather.. it changes in a moment

It is still winter.. and to me it is starting to feel a bit like Narnia, always winter. Christmas is over Spring has not yet sprung. For a short week we had warm weather. I was thinking of breaking out the city shorts and sandals.. it only got up into the 50's!  Bubbles couldn't help herself with all the melting snow. Just getting Miniman to preschool she was soaked up to her thighs! So after we got home I had her change. Time for something a bit warmer and a little more water proof. Bubbles was ready for puddle hopping! She was so excited! I couldn't help but take a picture. Then last night while on my way to work.. it started. I had hoped that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but alas.. it started snowing. There was a sheet of ice on the lawn when we got up this morning and shortly after noon it started up again. I know that keeping up with the driveway is better then dealing with it after all the snow and ice have piled up.. so it is time for me to get my work clothes on and get to shoveling. I hope it will be enough that the kids can go sledding in it and maybe break out the snow box again. For now we shall have to see. until next time dear readers be blessed!

Stuff and Other Stuff

I was going through pictures the other day, looking for ones to sum up the year. I realized that I haven't taken as many pictures this year as I have in the past. My trusty camera has not been at residence in my purse and when it has the batteries have been dead. Yes, I fully admit I still enjoy my point and click camera. There are still some things that I enjoy better then technology. Apparently everything I enjoy is out dated. My laptop, DS, Qwerty cell phone, MP3 player and yes I still listen to Cd's(much to Hubby's chagrin). I still enjoy writing in my paper journals as much if not more then here in my blog, and although with so many different knits to chose from I still enjoy knitting things on my own. Goosie is getting an American Girl doll for Christmas. I want to knit them matching sweaters or something. That is if my hands will allow me. My hands it seems are getting worse. I have both tendinitis and carpel tunnel, it's worse in my right hand then in my left. Go figure I am right handed. I enjoy the home arts as they are called, and hope that my children will enjoy them with me.
I can't help but but think of where I was a year ago today. My big-little family and I were celebrating with a friend and her family. It's strange sometimes how things change over the course of a year. There is such a distance between her and I now that it is admittedly painful. I am hurt and there is a part of me that wants more then anything to stop reaching out to make new friends. When I look back at all the friends I have had over the years.. I have grown close to some for a season; but when that season is over it becomes more of an acquaintance. I wish I knew how to break the cycle. I want to foster relationships with other women for longer then just a season.. any advise? Hubby was also hurt in the past by someone he considered a friend.. thus when it comes time for either of us to lean on someone, it is automatically the other. This is good and also bad. It is important for both of us to have friendship relationships outside of each other, so that we can grow as individuals.  Things can change allot over a year, and as individuals it is important that we learn to grow and change with them. In the coming year there will be more obstacles, trials and issues that will be dealt with. Hubby and I will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary, our children's age's will change to 3,5 and 7. There is no telling what may lay ahead. I am thankful that I will walk the road with Hubby at my side and God carrying both of us at times.
Until next time dear readers.. I hope you are all blessed. And remember that scars are tougher then what was there to begin with.. so although you may get hurt be sure you don't allow yourself to harden so much that the love and friendship of other's cannot be felt.

Vision's of Autumn

It's that time of year again here in the North East. Leaves are changing colors, pumpkins grow ripe for the picking, corn mazes are all the rage. As I drive home today from picking up Miniman from Preschool I see the grey pregnant clouds quietly rolling in. Another fall of rain is probably in the mix for the day, if not tomorrow. My three mess makers are some-what quietly coloring in the dining room. Three pumpkins have already been carved, leaving only mine and Hubby's to be dismembered for the sake of a bit of time which we can let the kids hidden so well away inside ourselves out to play.  I can't resist looking outside at the marvel of colors that exploit themselves this time of the year. There are tree's that turn red as cranberries, others make the tree they are on for a time look as if it harbors lemons and limes. There are a few sparsely mixed throughout that are naked baring themselves ready for the coming cold. The evergreens are staggered about, in bushes and trees. Making others jealous of their year round splendor only to be scoffed or looked at with sorrow when a branch breaks under the weight of both nettles and snow.
I have come to appreciate orange. It's many different hues are the palate of Autumn. You can see it best in the pumpkins. The jack-o-lantern size have a range of their own. From burnt orange to school bus orange-yellow. Pie pumpkins which are mistakenly called "baby pumpkins" are really the only edible ones. They have a sweet taste to them and when roasted with just a pinch of sugar and salt they are truly a delight. There are some who go around looking for the most grotesque of pumpkins for their fall decorations. Sadly there are other's who will look at the many pumpkins in disbelief as they think they will never own one of their own. Some growers humbly let their small crops go for free on the side of the road while others charge a dollar or two a pound. The E.R. will have it's share of patients, if they haven't started seeing them already. There are thumbs that will need to be re-attached and gashes stitched back together. All in the name of fun, and some mayhem of course. But back to the splendor of the season. Children have decided by now what they want to dress-up as for Beggar's night.  But over all the grass is still mostly green, some trees are hesitant to release their leaves, and parents are once again looking for longer sleeves to add as layers under the shorter sleeves that were purchased for spring and summer. Well my dear readers.. the mess makers are no longer coloring so alas my time has come to a close for now. I will try to write again later! Be blessed!!

A Demise of Tea Cups

 This pale blue tea cup started it all. Hubby bought it for me just after he proposed. We were still living in Ocean Shores Wa. and after scouring antique shops I truly appreciated this one. Hubby bought it for me and I have enjoyed many cups of tea and coffee from it. I am thankful it survived the fall.

This tea cup I bought off of Ebay. As soon as I saw it I wanted it. It was as if the beautiful back lacquer was calling to me. The hand painted rose on the inner lip did me in. I have told my sister S that when she comes to visit, this will be her tea cup to use. S has joked for as long as I can recall that she is the black sheep of the family, what better then a black tea cup to celebrate!

 Wonder of wonder the yellow rose also survived. She too is one of my favorites ( they all are). This tea cup reminds me of my sister C. It's simple beauty could be over looked, but if you did you would miss the wonderful detail of it's moderate adornment. Hubby bought this one for me also in Wa., it is part of a mismatched set that was the beginnings of a tea cup collection.

This beauty was my Mother's Day gift this year. Yes, it was another Ebay find and I am sure the seller would have a heart attack to see what has become of the saucer. When it fell it split right down the middle. I can fix it of course. Thankfully the cup it's self was not damaged so with a little super glue, and a careful hand. This tea cup can return to my many uses of it. Just hold the plate fully!! This one reminds me of my sister N. She is so full of life and vibrant. I know it's colors are muted, but the scene is full of life and color. I will enjoy sharing a cup of tea with her one day.

This tea cup is also from the mismatched set. This one has small roses all over it and I have also enjoyed many cups of both tea and coffee from it. This cup reminds me of my sister I. Elegant and sophisticated, and in it's own way toned down enough to fit in with the other eccentric pairs in the set.  I has come for a visist and  I had forgotten in all the rush to sit and enjoy some tea. Tea you see is a good way to catch up on all the things you miss out on and although they may be tea cups you most certainly may have coffee in them instead! A little glue on the handle and it will be usable one more, the beverage of choice will have to be not too hot and not too cold, but just right!

The Forget-me-not's. Their beautiful blue has cheered me on many a dull day. This is V's cup. She visited me once and I forgot to get my set out and have a hot cup of tea with her. The tea cups after all are about the memories made with them not just the ones you make staring at them. V has been my best sister friend for as long as I can remember. I will have to repair the saucer, but the cup is once again thankfully undamaged. A little super glue and things will be better. This one also came from the mismatched tea set.

This tragic tea cup and saucer got the second worst of it. I am thinking of putting it in a shadow box. It now needs to be replaced. This one reminds me of Christmas. I realize that nothing on it screams tis the season. But to me, Christmas is comfort and being around those whom you love. They inspire you and challenge you all the while they nudge you on loving you regardless of the outcomes of your decisions. It's a safe place to land. This cup reminded me of my Mom. It was also part of the mismatched tea set.

Here is the most damaged. It will also go in a shadow box. the saucer is untouched. The cup is not replaceable. This was also one of the mismatched sets. This cup and saucer reminded me of my sister L. It isn't elaborate in decoration but it is beautiful and full of character. I haven't had a cup of tea with L and it seems I will have to now find her a new cup. Alas the first time she will see her cup is in the pretty picture pile now on my blog.

The only woman in my family who has yet to have a tea cup is G. She is difficult to find one for, although I am sure she would have a laugh at that. G is wonderful, strong, independent and has always looked a little different then the rest of us. But she also fits right in. Without G my big family wouldn't be complete and without a cup and saucer for her my set is not complete. So I will keep looking and I hope that by the time she comes for a visit I will have a special cup pairing for her also. Until next time dear readers! Be blessed!

What blessings there are for those who wait!

Now that I have a few moments.. there has been so much happening lately! Last week Hubby surprised me with a 2003 Trailblazer, with third row seating and the works. I am still trying to figure out if I am supposed to drive in it or play with all the buttons! I am super excited and still cannot believe it is mine. The Van is all paid off and Hubby now uses it as his daily driver so the Mustang can sit safely in the garage. The "Big Black Truck" as the kids have dubbed it, can fit our family and still have room for about 2 more. Which is crazy! There is so much space, I half way think I am driving a tank around. Hubby told me that since the accident I was involved in on the 19th of January, he had been thinking about the safety of our family and the hazards the Van posed. Thus I get a new ride! We were able to take the truck to NY to see his family and thankfully was able to get there on one tank of gas, with some left over!! When we used the Van, we had to fill it up at least once! Miniman I think is the most excited about the truck, he named it after all. I hope Hubby is joking when he says he is going to put a brush guard on it, so I can "barrel through" whatever I need to. I can just see me now, getting out of the truck in heels and a dress.. with other people looking at me like " How can that little woman handle that big truck??". I must say I am smiling just thinking about it.

Hubby had a wonderful birthday. Being able to spend a special day with the family is always a good thing. He and his brother share their birthday. Hubby jokingly says it is worst present he ever got! I know that they share a relationship few siblings do and it was good to see them try to out wrestle each other while knocking down furniture in their Dad's house. Okay, they didn't really knock anything down, but I swear they were going to!

I am hoping that spring is on the way, my organizing bug has taken a hold of me and I want to get things straightend out. There is so much to go through and at times it seems there is no time to do it all. I have made some progress, so that is something. I just need to finish the quilts I have had cut out for I admit way too long! The problem is that my sewing machine is broken, I kinda needed a new one anyway. Apparently I do more then a little sewing when I get the knack for it. Maybe I will get a new one! I am just hoping that it isn't my anniversary gift. Hubby called me today and asked me not to get upset with him. Apparently he purchased his anniversary gift from me today. He said that if I wanted to yell at him, that he would take it.. I asked him what he purchased and it was things I was planning on getting him anyway (he got a better deal then I would have). I asked him when I was going to hear something that he would get yelled at for... I wish I could have seen his face. Oh well, now I am just wondering what mine will be. I am excited!! This year Hubby is taking me to the Chocolate Festival!! It was on our anniversary last year and I went with my friend H, because he was working. This year.. he is taking me. Apparently he has a whole day planned for the two of us and so far I have no idea what I am going to wear!! That is right on the 7th of this month we will have been married for seven years.. and known each other for 8 1/2!! When asked how we met some people are still surprised that everything has worked out for us. I enjoy telling the story but will save that for later.

With so much going on as you can probably imagine my upkeep of the house is a little worse for wear. But I am hoping to amend that tomorrow, when the older two are in school. Bubbles is quite the little pillager. If there is anything she isn't supposed to get into.. she is in it! Goosie and Miniman are getting better with their house chores. They don't do much but the little bit that they are doing helps me out a whole lot! Their Chore Charts are filling up and I am so very proud of them! Bubbles has taken an interest again in potty training. She still wears a diaper, but if she wants to go in the toilet I help her. She doesn't want to use the training potty either. She wants to sit on the big potty. The trouble is that her butt is so little even the training seat is a little big! The smile of pride on her sweet face is so much that I can't do anything but help her!
Well, dear readers I have some house work calling my name..a shopping list to make and fill, oh and figure out something for dinner! So until next time, be a blessing to others and they in turn will be a blessing to you! Oh, and I will post pictures later of the Big Black Truck!

Recent Happenings

It has been a little while since my last post. I admit I have been busy. A week ago today I was in a car accident. I was sitting at a light (it had just turned green) and as the car in front of me pulled off, I was rear ended. I am okay, the van is still drivable and so far everything is alright. I am thankful to the guy who hit me.. I know that may sound strange to some of you, but really I am. You see I was not paying attention to anything behind me (he was) and didn't see what was coming. The guy who hit me saw the other driver coming and not slowing down, he then tried to leave enough room between his car and mine, as to not hit me. Thus the driver who hit me was pushed into me and bore the brunt of the whole thing. I was able to leave the scene unharmed, he was headed to the emergency room. So yes, I am thankful to the guy who hit me, his actions speak of integrity, it seems few have these days. We are looking into getting me a new van/SUV soon. I am just hoping it is not something so big that I look even more dwarfed!
Other then that I have been trying to keep the house up, and as many of you can imagine some days that task is easier then others.. especially when Hubby is home. Hubby home. I really like those two words together. My day is so much brighter when he is home. I enjoy every moment of it! In the past seven years ( our wedding anniversary is the first weekend in Feb.), I can say I have never liked to see him leave for work. I don't like being apart from him, when he is around my day is added to immensely. Not just because the work load is shared or that there is someone there helping me with the kids. It is something else, I can honestly say at times we are like a little old couple. Picture this: He is sitting in his recliner reading a book and I am sitting in mine doing the same. There is a quietness to the house as the kids are sleeping and just knowing we are there with each other is enough. I admit that the intimacy factor is not suffering a bit either. When Sport was here he said that being around Hubby and I was like being around two newly weds who hadn't figured out how to get out of the honeymoon suite. Sport also said that we were at least more discreet about it then others.
Hubby's birthday is this Thursday.. and we are going to celebrate with his family in N.Y. ! I am excited as it has been a little while since we have seen his family. It will be good to see them and celebrate with them as it is also his brothers birthday on Thursday. So off we go. I will try to post pictures and stuff later.
Well I have some packing and things to do.. so until next time dear readers.. Love much, Live fully and Forgive even when it is not asked for!

Adventures in Mothering.. with a POC van

Lately my Van has been giving me problems. Lets face it, the van has been around for 12 years. I don't know who had it first, or what they used it for, but when we picked it up it looked as if it had been used to rescue dogs. I admit that I chose the van. I really only concentrated on what was needed at the time. This was in 2007. Miniman was 16 months old I was newly pregnant with Bubbles and knew that we needed something that would fit three car seats and get us across the country as Hubby had just received orders that we were moving to Ohio. The van ran good, everything was working fine. So we signed the papers and off we went. Now almost three years later and just a few months before it is paid off, the van is looking more like a can.
I posted earlier that the A/C doesn't work in the back and neither does the heat. There is a wire problem and the battery has been replaced almost every six months. And when it rains the smell of wet dog permeates.. although I have done everything I can think of to get rid of the smell. I am sure the next person who gets the van will use it as a work truck. You know the trucks that you really don't care how they look or what all works in the back so long as the front gets heated/cooled and it runs well. I sadly think that is the future of my minivan.
In the last week I have had more issues with the van. Last Wednesday Hubby went out to warm u the van for me as it was frigidly cold out and I needed to get Miniman to school. When Hubby closed the sliding door, the glass shattered. That's right it shattered. All the dark pieces on the snow covered ground looked like some kind of explosive aftermath. Hubby was fine and uninjured..but then there was the call to the Insurance. The deductible to pay and glass service to schedule. I was able to call my friend N and she thankfully helped me get Miniman off to school and then pick him up a little later. Everything was scheduled and taken care of by the time Hubby got home from work that night. Then comes this week. There is new glass in the sliding door.. but now the battery has decided to die. Once again it is when I need to get Miniman to school. Hubby was able to give the van a jump from his car, and after that I was good the rest of the day. Then comes this morning. Hubby told me to park the van in the garage hoping that if it not left out to the weather the battery might keep it's charge. He checked it this morning as I we getting the kids ready and the van started just fine ( I even heard it). He let me know that the van started and then he was out the door for work. About twenty minutes later it was time for me to get the kids off to school. The van wouldn't start. I couldn't find the jump pack in the garage (you know the one that will jump your car if there isn't anyone around to help you). I waited a bit and then called Hubby at work. I let him know that the van wasn't starting and that I might need him to come home. After hanging up with him I decided to see if I could charge the battery. I have a battery charger in the garage, but the outlets are all at the front of the garage by the door. I then put the van in reverse, and pushed yes pushed the van it's length and was able to get it into position for one of the outlets. I then once again called my friend N to see if she could help me get the kids to school. After N had her three on the bus she came over to help me out. By the time she got there I had been able to charge the battery up enough to get it to start. N took Goosie to school and I took Miniman. All of this happened before 8:45am. What a way to start the morning. The heat no longer works in the back of the van, the window has been replaced, but the rear view mirror fell off this morning. I am ready for a new vehicle! The van has been very useful and has taken us many places. Hubby think's he will be coming down with orders soon (I say think's because nothing is in writing yet) so we will once again be moving. The van will be paid off in March or April I would have to look at the paperwork to see when. As soon as we are able to get the title.. we are going to trade in. It has been a good van. It took us from Idaho to Ohio, to New York and South Carolina. It has been reliable..but I am ready for something newer without so many issues. Hubby is ready for me to have a new van too!
On another note Hubby had a dream the other night and when he told me about it the conversation went something like this:
Hubby~ I had a dream and I don't think you are going to like it.
Me~ What was the dream (my interest was piqued as Hubby doesn't usually remember his dreams)
Hubby~ I dreamed we had another baby and that your boobs got so big you needed a second breast reduction.
Me~ yeah, that was a bad dream. I thought we agreed that if we did have another baby we would bottle feed instead of breast because I already had the surgery.
Hubby~ So that doesn't scare you?
Me~ No, it doesn't.. if you told me that I was Pregnant with twins THAT would scare me!


To follow another rabbit hole.. we are starting to reinforce manners with the kids. Miniman used to say "I farted" and then laugh uncontrollably. Now he says excuse me. I didn't know how much it had sunk in until he was sleeping and right after he farted in his sleep he said excuse me! I had to walk out of the room!!

Be blessed dear readers and until I write again next time, remember that in life the only person you can change is yourself and if you don't feel like changing.. don't complain that things never change!

A New Van for Me??

I need a new van. Not a brand new one, but certainly a newer one then I currently have. Don't get me wrong 1998 was a good year. I just need something a little newer then that.
My current van we bought two years ago, when we lived in Sandpoint, before I had even thought of this blog. Now two and a half years later we are a few months from it being paid off and you guessed it, things are not working. The brake lights don't work when you have the exterior lights on (not good for driving at night), the vent system no longer works in the back (that means the kids are not getting heated/cooled unless I freeze/bake myself and the front passenger). The gas mileage is still good, it runs well, the only other down side is that it smells like wet dog when it rains, there is no storage in the rear, the carpets are stained beyond recognition and at times the doors tend to lock all by themselves when I already have the kids buckled in, the motor running and I am just walking around to the drivers side. Yes, I think it is time.
As our family has grown the cars I have driven have changed. When I was single I drove a 1999 Sunfire sedan, then after I moved to Washington to be with Hubby I drove a 1995 Chevy Tracker, then there was the 2004 Pontiac Grandam, and currently the 1998 Mercury Villager.
The Sunfire I returned to the dealership, the Tracker we sold to a friend, the Grandam Hubby drove for a bit before using it as a trade-in for his mustang, and we got the Villager because lets face it three car seats cannot fit in a Grandam. I picked out the Villager. Yes, it was me. We needed something that was cheap, could fit our growing family and safely get us to the East Coast. Villager has done that. But now I feel it is time for something a little newer. I don't want the newest van on the block. Just one with seating for 6 plus the driver, stow and go seats or ones I can just remove, dual sliding doors, and a little storage room in the back for a little more then 4 bags of groceries. Oh and I would like it to be a 2002 model at least so that I can safely tether the car seats into the van.
We will see what happens. I realize that most of you are thinking that the Villager is paid off in a matter of months so why not hold onto it until it falls apart. Well, I was thinking that we would have it longer then 2 1/2 years but it wasn't the best investment. The family needs something more reliable and safer. I know I know things are rough all around. But I am not wanting anything brand new, just new to me. And no I don't think that is asking too much.

Lately There Have Been Thoughts In My Head (ok, that is werid, but I am feeling it tonight)

I am home from a purse party at my friend K's house, my other friend K was there also and it was a good visit. We laughed at a few things caught up with the happenings of our children, and they almost have me convinced to share a little more here on my little spot in the Internet.. we will see ladies we will see.
There is something I am proud of. My children and my Hubby! All three of my blessings are in their beds and Hubby was the one to put them there! This is HUGE!!!! I was talking to my Mom today (yes, she is home safely with her other half namely my Dad) and said that I put on my "Big Girl Panties" years ago and just learned to deal with things as they come. Now that I am a parent I need to put on my "Momma Panties" and step into the role I must admit that I have been skirting for sometime. There is a new found firmness in my mothering role, and not just from my new smaller boobs ;-) ! There is a quiet firmness I remember from my childhood when it comes to Mom. In my younger years I must admit I was intimidated by her and now that I have three growing children of my own I am in awe of the wonderful woman I have for a Mom.
I can put my foot down a little firmer now and although my children are testing me (lets face it I knew they would), I can honestly say that I am firmer then I was. They know that I will follow through with my threats. Hubby and I have both become more consistent in our parenting. The kids aren't too sure about it, but I am sure they will get used to it.

On a different note, there are many things outside of my house on the hill bubble that I like to stay blissfully unaware of (yes K I will tell the story). My van's battery died yesterday at my friend H's house. I had gone there to get the car seats checked and one of them fixed. Well, after the car seats were corrected, Bubbles happily strapped in, Mom ready in the passenger seat, I turn the key and nothing. Not even a click!! I was annoyed!! Here I was I had to pick Miniman up from preschool, and be home in time for Goosie to get off the bus. I made all the phone calls I needed to, and Hubby ended up picking up kids from their schools. While at H's she was able to contact her neighbor. I thought it a little strange when she decided to call her, when the house was less the 50 yards away. I asked H about it and she let me know that her neighbors were the swinging type and not the kind at the play ground!! Apparently the "friend" was over and I will let you take it from there. H and I discussed the arrangement her neighbor has and both of us had disgusted shivers followed by UGH UGH UGH!!!! I personally could not imagine that!!! Anyway, the "friend" hooked my van up to his car and commenced to trying to jump the battery for about 15 minutes. I would try off and on to see if this was working, but to no avail. H ended up calling her Hubby C and we women folk went inside her house to see about some lunch for ourselves, 2 toddlers, 2 children and 2 husbands. After a bit C comes in the door and announces that if H wanted him home for lunch she didn't have to make up a story to get him there (he was being sarcastic). It turns out that there was nothing wrong with the battery! There was a loose wire!! C checked everything before trying to replace the battery with an extra one he had. Needless to say it was an interesting morning!

I know that there was more discussed, and I must admit that I am please I have readers! At times I think I am just writing to myself. Honestly having a conversation with yourself is the first sign of insanity right?? Oh wait that was rhetorical! Well then! It is after 10pm and I have been up since about 5am so this tired lady is going to curl up on the couch and watch Twilight with her Hubby ( it will be mostly the back of my eye lids of course). I think I may write about the interesting month we have had with school in session, we will see. Until next time dear readers.. sleep well, love like there is no tomorrow and forgive like there are no yesterdays!

Internal Dialogue and Cleaning

The weekend is over and as it is Monday my internal dialogue has started up again. While Hubby is home I try to take a break from the house cleaning and other demands so that I can just spend time with him and the kids. Monday comes around and I find myself trying to clean up after the weekend. This is how things have been going in my house since Goosie joined our family and with the addition of each child, the house understandably has gotten a little messier, if only for the weekend.
Before we had children, I prided myself in having the house clean and dinner ready when Hubby came home from work. This has gotten harder, and my internal dialogue has not changed. I still want to have everything as ready as possible when he gets home from work. I sometimes spend my entire day cleaning up the house..as for the entire day it gets messy. It is almost like the mess follows the kids..hmm! Anyway, when Goosie joined our family Hubby told me that the kids come before the house and that if he comes home and the house is a mess, it is fine so long as the kids are taken care of.
So now the dialogue struggle. "The house needs to be clean and dinner ready, no the kids need to be taken care of first." "Don't worry about how much clean up there is, just make sure the kids have a good time today. " These are the things that go through my mind on an almost daily basis, let me be honest sometimes it's hourly.
Do I think I have good kids, yes! Do I think my house cleaning can wait, sometimes. Do I think that my relationship with my kids is suffering because of all the things I think I need to get done, yes.
Hubby told me that he woke up at 0500 with the same thoughts on his mind. His dialogue goes something like this. " I am tired from work, I just want to watch this show." or " The kids are just trying to get attention, I can do this later, but I really want some time just to myself."

Yes, there was a time when after Hubby got home from work he and I had carved out alone time. He would have his as soon as he got home, it usually lasted about an hour and he didn't have to worry about doing anything with the kids. After he had his alone time I would take mine. I would have an hour to do what I wanted. In theory this works. And it is a great idea. However I have learned that some idea's don't mesh with reality.

Goosie, Miniman and Bubbles are great kids. They really do listen and are very helpful. There are times when things get out of hand and I know it is those times when I should be paying more attention to all the animated things in my life instead of all the inanimate.

Admitting there is a problem is the first step. Changing internal dialogue is easier said then done, but I am going to. My children are the most important people in my life aside from Hubby and I have been saying that a clean house is a sign of a wasted life.. I have been wasting mine.. but starting today I am going to change. If that means that my house is a mess, so be it.. my family is more important. After all whenever I am gone I would rather people say that "she was a good wife, mom and friend" more then "yeah, her house was always clean." What really matters is not how clean or perfect my house is, it is more that my family knows how valued they are to me and that they both know and feel loved.

Old Friends Made New

When I was younger my Mom took me to the toy store. It was a rare thing, but I remember it as clearly as I can. My younger sister V picked out Mandy and I picked out Mikey. What he looked like all those years ago you can see to the left. I played with Mikey for hours. Of course Mikey and Mandy were not as popular as My Buddy and Kid Sister. But Mikey was my favorite for the longest time. I still have him. But now Miniman plays with him. It happened yesterday. Goosie and Bubbles both have babies (they are girls after all). Miniman had one of Goosie's babies and tried to claim it as his. Goosie of course wanted nothing to do with sharing her babies with her brother. Miniman does have a boy Cabbage Patch doll, but he has never really showed an interest in it. I remembered Mikey. A few months ago I bought a new Mikey and just put him away. Miniman after meeting his new little friend, was playing with him. Miniman would set up his cars and Mikey would " make them crash". Needless to say Miniman has a new friend.

Now there are two Mikey's and Miniman takes care of both of them. All three of them play together. It is a wonderful thing. And nice to know that something that I played with when I was younger, is bringing so much joy to my son. I wasn't sure if there was anything from my youth other then books that he would be interested in.

Here are the twin boys. Miniman and Goosie took their jackets off, sometimes I have to look for their shoes and my Mom is going to help me make pj's for them, Miniman likes to make them go down for a nap too! He is so sweet! I hope that this wonderful little guy that my Miniman is now will not change much as he gets older. Well, enough for this morning. I have some things to get done.