There it is.. the word that encompasses so much when it comes to parenting. I can ask myself almost a thousand times a day. "Am I doing it right?" "I am not ruining them forever, am I?" " Is this decision for me or for them?". As a parent so many things that we think will send our little ones into a traumatic tail spin... hardly show on their map.
This all started when Hubby and I decided to home-school our two oldest children. Everything was going well, then things changed. Financially things weren't working out for us the way we had planned. My work was becoming the main supply for our family, and things weren't panning out for Hubby's employment as hard as he was trying (and he has tried very very hard) . As much as he and I wanted homeschooling to be a dual weight, it became more and more one of my own. With the forty hour work week, plus the demands of homeschooling.. I didn't get to enjoy my children. I didn't get to enjoy my spouse. All I can remember is a blur of work. If it wasn't happening on the job, I was working hard at home.
Recently, Hubby's therapist recommended he attend outpatient day therapy. I also recently accepted a different position at the hotel, during the day. This throws the home-schooling situation into a quandary. So we continue to home-school at the risk of our childrens education, or do we re-enroll them in school? I believe Hubby and I made the most responsible decision we could make.. not for us,(because I would try to continue to home-school with a 40+ hour work week) but for our children. It wasn't a feel good decision either. My feelings about this ran the gambit. From my feeling like a failure, to thinking the kids would be forever damaged by this decision, to final acceptance.
It has been three days of Miniman and Goosie back in the school system. At the time of this post only one of my sister's know of our decision. My sister C. C has been a rock in all of this for me. She has encouraged me beyond what I could ever describe. When I told her of our decision she stated that she was proud of me. That she knew I had too much on my plate and that this decision aleaveated some of that. I admit that I fear the judgement I know will come from some members of my family. There is nothing that can be done for that. Tears have already been shed (on my part alone). The children shrieked with excitement and have jumped into their new routine with gusto. I am now home most nights in time for dinner and Hubby is adjusting well also.
Changes are coming to our house. The school room is no more. Books are being packed away and while part of my heart aches for what was and is now no longer. The other part soars with the knowledge that my little lovies are as resilient as they are strong. They see the glass as half full instead of half empty. Goosie claims she is the most popular girl in her class and Miniman tells me that he is breezing through his class work with time to spare. Bubbles is excited as well. In the mornings Hubby and I are able to steal a few moments when the kids are off to school and I have yet to leave for work. It's just enough time for breakfast and a chance to reconnect. Then it is off on our separate schedules until dinner. Bento boxes are back on for lunch and so far the children are adjusting well. We are blessed, things can be tough at times and the light at the end of the tunnel can seem beyond reach.. but God is good. Until next time dear readers.. be blessed!
