I have thought about many things over the past few days. One thing that crosses my mind more then not is that my son thinks of things I wouldn't. I was making the chili for the cook off last week and thought the kids were okay, because they were all in the kitchen with me. i got tunnel vision and was concentrating a little too hard on the task at hand when I looked up and saw. Miniman sitting in the middle of a pool of milk, racing his speed racer matchbox car around in circles. He was having so much fun! For a moment I watched him. All my kids enjoy playing in the tub, so I guess a pool of milk on the floor looked like a good time. I am proud to say, I didn't yell at him or even show that I was upset. I asked him to get out of the milk and wait while I went to get towels to clean it all up. Miniman was soaked from his knees to his socks. He was smiling pretty big too. All I can think is that speed racer needed a milk bath. Miniman has a tendency lately of driving speed racer through things. Yesterday it was cheese, on my couch. That was an easy clean up too.
The other thing that I think of often is my girls. Their relationship is blooming. I am so happy. Already Goosie sees that Bubbles is a playmate. They do things together and can make each other laugh quicker then anything. I am very glad that their relationship is off to such a good start. Sometimes I don't know if Bubbles is laughing or crying. But then when I hear Goosie laughing I know that things are okay.The other day the two of them were in the tub. I turned away for a moment to grab a washcloth and heard peals of laughter coming from the tub. I turn back and see my two girls all but rolling in the tub. Bubbles was still sitting up, so no worries there, but I still have no clue what set the two of them off.
I know that at times motherhood is demanding and there are times I think I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Then there are times when I feel so rewarded. Not by anything I have accomplished, but by what my kids accomplish. I think that is what parenting is ultimately about. What you can encourage and teach your kids to accomplish. I have dreams for my kids, every parent does, but when they are old enough to dream for themselves, I will do my best to help them catch their dreams. I am their mom it is what I was made for. I am trying this year to be more even tempered. I know that my kids will test me in this.. they are kids it would be weird if they didn't. But I am confident that I can do this, I know I will need to lean on God more with my parenting, but good parents usually do.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Rambelings and Thoughts
One thing I have always enjoyed doing is cooking. I feel I can really express myself in what food I am able to make. I also enjoy entertaining. I think these two things go hand in hand quite well. My friend A from High School once told me that she and I could make the same meal, but mine would taste better because I "do" something to it. Hubby says that I have a way with food, he also says that I am the only person he knows who will look through a cook book, see the pictures, and say stuff like "I can't wait to make that" or "who would eat that?". I also ooh and ahhh at the pictures! I admit in the close to 6 years we have been married, I rarely have used a cook book. Unless it is something that I really see as appealing. I mostly cook what ever I feel like that day.
I should maybe start writing things down otherwise, I won't be able to tell anyone how I make things.
But then not following a pattern is what much of my hobbies have in common. I don't follow a pattern when I knit or crochet. I quilt what is in my head and it turns out that way. I don't use measurements unless I am cooking and forget about writing things down. There are many avenues I like to travel down when the mood strikes. I just don't always take a map. Sure I make sure I have the fundamentals down, but the rest is all me. I plan on learning the guitar sometime soon. I thought about the piano, but with as much as we have been moving I wouldn't want to chance anything happening to a baby grand (yes, I would like one,one day). The guitar is much easier to transport and if it needs tuning, I could take care of that (after I learn how that is).
I enjoy being creative. I would like to be an art teacher, but I don't know if I have the patience for all the school you have to go through. I have also thought about being a chef. Going to culinary school would be fun and I could hone some of the skills I already have. I have talked to Hubby about many things but I know that I will probably take a course in the medical field that I can get a degree in a short amount of time with, and go from there. I think that is why I wasn't very good at holding down a steady job. I get bored with things easily. Go figure I am almost 29 years old and I still want to be entertained in what I do. So I plan on posting more recipes as I feel compelled to!
I should maybe start writing things down otherwise, I won't be able to tell anyone how I make things.
But then not following a pattern is what much of my hobbies have in common. I don't follow a pattern when I knit or crochet. I quilt what is in my head and it turns out that way. I don't use measurements unless I am cooking and forget about writing things down. There are many avenues I like to travel down when the mood strikes. I just don't always take a map. Sure I make sure I have the fundamentals down, but the rest is all me. I plan on learning the guitar sometime soon. I thought about the piano, but with as much as we have been moving I wouldn't want to chance anything happening to a baby grand (yes, I would like one,one day). The guitar is much easier to transport and if it needs tuning, I could take care of that (after I learn how that is).
I enjoy being creative. I would like to be an art teacher, but I don't know if I have the patience for all the school you have to go through. I have also thought about being a chef. Going to culinary school would be fun and I could hone some of the skills I already have. I have talked to Hubby about many things but I know that I will probably take a course in the medical field that I can get a degree in a short amount of time with, and go from there. I think that is why I wasn't very good at holding down a steady job. I get bored with things easily. Go figure I am almost 29 years old and I still want to be entertained in what I do. So I plan on posting more recipes as I feel compelled to!
Friday, January 23, 2009
My Chicken Barley Chili
I attend MOPS and this past meeting decided to enter in a Chili cook off. Now I am not big on spicy chili, I opt for a more seasoned and hearty dish. Surprisingly my Chili won the cook off and I thought I would celebrate by posting how to make it!
1 (14.5oz) can diced tomatoes
1 (16 oz) can salsa
1 cup Medium Barley
1 cup chicken broth
4 cups water
1 tablespoon Chili powder
1 teaspoon Cumin
1/8 cup sugar
1(15 oz) can black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 (15 oz) can dark red kidney beans (drained and rinsed)
1 (15 1/4 oz) can whole kernel corn
3 cups (about 1 1/2 lbs) chicken breast, cooked and cut into bite size pieces ( I like to cook it in Montreal seasonings)
In a 6 quart saucepan combine first 8 ingredients. Over high heat bring to a boil; cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 40 minutes, stirring about every 10 minutes. Add beans, corn
and chicken; increase heat to high until Chili comes to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for another 5 minutes or until barley is tender. If upon standing the chili becomes too think add more chicken broth or water until chili is desired consistency. Salt and pepper to taste. If desired top with shredded cheese and sour cream. Makes about 11 (1 cup) servings.
1 (14.5oz) can diced tomatoes
1 (16 oz) can salsa
1 cup Medium Barley
1 cup chicken broth
4 cups water
1 tablespoon Chili powder
1 teaspoon Cumin
1/8 cup sugar
1(15 oz) can black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 (15 oz) can dark red kidney beans (drained and rinsed)
1 (15 1/4 oz) can whole kernel corn
3 cups (about 1 1/2 lbs) chicken breast, cooked and cut into bite size pieces ( I like to cook it in Montreal seasonings)
In a 6 quart saucepan combine first 8 ingredients. Over high heat bring to a boil; cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 40 minutes, stirring about every 10 minutes. Add beans, corn
and chicken; increase heat to high until Chili comes to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for another 5 minutes or until barley is tender. If upon standing the chili becomes too think add more chicken broth or water until chili is desired consistency. Salt and pepper to taste. If desired top with shredded cheese and sour cream. Makes about 11 (1 cup) servings.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
To The Women In My Life
I was at a jewelry party last night at my friend S's house. It was nice to get out of the house and away from things for a bit. I would have stayed longer but Hubby and I have couple time after the kids are asleep, and I enjoy that too.
I met S at HC church last year. I needed a place to sit and sat down next to her. We hit it off exchanged numbers and have been friends since. S is involved with Campus Crusade for Christ and is an exceptional person. I value her opinion and as I see her personal walk, mine is challenged.
On the way home I was thinking about all the women in my life. There are the ones I grew up with that challenged me from the start. I look up to all of them (yes, even my younger sister V). Each one is a strong woman, who touches each person who crosses her path. I am honored and proud to say I have grown up with each of them. They all have taught me lessons both about myself and about others around me. And when I feel I have become complacent, all I need do is talk to one of them and I feel challenged again.
Then there are the women I went to school with, I don't see any of them now, but when I am able to communicate with them I find the conversations enjoyable and at times they also challenge me. As a woman, a mom, and physically too. I just remind myself that if they can do it, so can I. I may not go about it the same way they do, but I can still accomplish things they have.
Lastly there are the women I connect with in each place I have lived. Some of these women I see as my "seasonal sisters". We develop a close relationship and are able to lean on each other at different times. I am blessed, challenged and understood by these women and at times they are the ones I learn the most from.
Last night I was complimented when S said that I am a "warm" person. I hope and pray that I am. I enjoy it when those around me feel accepted, unjudged and comfortable. I have learned many things from all the women in my life, mostly I have learned about me. Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally and any other way you can learn about yourself from others. I feel that I am blessed to have so many women in my life's path, and further blessed that I am able to learn from them. So if you are one of these women and are reading my blog, thank you. Because of you I am a better mother, daughter, sister, wife, baker, mender, listener, talker, writer, drinker, art lover, singer, and all the other things that make me who I am. Each of you have touched my life, challenged, encouraged, and at times comforted me. Thank You.
I met S at HC church last year. I needed a place to sit and sat down next to her. We hit it off exchanged numbers and have been friends since. S is involved with Campus Crusade for Christ and is an exceptional person. I value her opinion and as I see her personal walk, mine is challenged.
On the way home I was thinking about all the women in my life. There are the ones I grew up with that challenged me from the start. I look up to all of them (yes, even my younger sister V). Each one is a strong woman, who touches each person who crosses her path. I am honored and proud to say I have grown up with each of them. They all have taught me lessons both about myself and about others around me. And when I feel I have become complacent, all I need do is talk to one of them and I feel challenged again.
Then there are the women I went to school with, I don't see any of them now, but when I am able to communicate with them I find the conversations enjoyable and at times they also challenge me. As a woman, a mom, and physically too. I just remind myself that if they can do it, so can I. I may not go about it the same way they do, but I can still accomplish things they have.
Lastly there are the women I connect with in each place I have lived. Some of these women I see as my "seasonal sisters". We develop a close relationship and are able to lean on each other at different times. I am blessed, challenged and understood by these women and at times they are the ones I learn the most from.
Last night I was complimented when S said that I am a "warm" person. I hope and pray that I am. I enjoy it when those around me feel accepted, unjudged and comfortable. I have learned many things from all the women in my life, mostly I have learned about me. Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally and any other way you can learn about yourself from others. I feel that I am blessed to have so many women in my life's path, and further blessed that I am able to learn from them. So if you are one of these women and are reading my blog, thank you. Because of you I am a better mother, daughter, sister, wife, baker, mender, listener, talker, writer, drinker, art lover, singer, and all the other things that make me who I am. Each of you have touched my life, challenged, encouraged, and at times comforted me. Thank You.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Just Things That Are Going On
Each time we move I try to make friends, sometimes it is easier then others. I had felt for a while living in our new neighborhood a bit out of place. I had only met one of our neighbors and made a few starter connections at the church we attend. The road is slow going at best right now but I try to concentrate on the rewards. I have been attending MOPS and was recently asked how I would feel about being on the steering team next year as there are so many avenues of life I seem to have experience in. I accepted, with the warning that I may have to move. I hope not as I am looking forward to digging in a bit more to this community and reaping the benefits from doing so. The town we live in, is uplifting to say the least, and I quite enjoy it. Sure the long steep driveway is a bit of a challenge to say the least when it snows, but otherwise I am content.
I was invited to a newly acquired friends house this afternoon while Goosie was in school. I found the visit to be wonderful, I just hope I didn't talk too much as I know I have a tendency to do that. A one sided conversation can be quite dull. Although I am writing in a blog and that in itself it quite revealing! Miniman was able to play with some cars and other boy toys that we don't have here. Bubbles was content to drag herself around on the floor and get nibbles of the cake I was snacking on. And I was able to make more of a connection with another mom. Something I don't think on lightly. You see when I meet someone I wonder how long the friendship will last. I am selfish in that I would like the relationships to last as long as possible and that even when I move away we will still find a way to connect. It is hard to know that almost all the relationships I have made in the past, slowly faded as I moved further away. Luckily there are the Facebook and MySpace sites that allow me to connect again with those I have lost contact with. Anyway, I found K to be quite pleasant. She is very nice and welcomed me into her home with grace and for thought. I have nothing but good things to say about her. Also I couldn't help but notice the NASCAR items around the house and I must also admit that I got excited to think that Hubby would enjoy her Hubby's company and we would have a couple friend. We haven't really had one of those. To find a friend is a blessing, to find a friend for myself and at the same time one for Hubby is like winning the lotto! There is apart of me that is reserved and knows not to hope too much. After all , being the only "couple friend" another couple has can be quite draining. So I will have to be patient and make sure we don't wear out our welcome.
On another note, Hubby is dong well now that he is off his meds. We figure there is about two more weeks for him to get back to his old self. He was on a heavy amount of drugs for a long time and it takes a while for all of it to get out of your system. I am still praying for him, as I know just from being around him that this isn't easy. The kids are all doing well and are thriving. Next month we find out if Goosie is ready for Kindergarten. I am debating on holding her back in preschool just to make sure if she is right on the line. I would rather her be more then ready and as prepared as possible then falling behind. So when the next time we happen to move I am going to have to do a lot more research when it comes to where we will live. So much to think about..! Hopefully it is at least 4 years away. I would like to not have to move again until just before Hubby retires. We are in a good school area, a nice town and I can see Goosie making connections that I would hate to sever any time soon. Well, that is enough for tonight. I hope all is well with you and yours dear readers.
I was invited to a newly acquired friends house this afternoon while Goosie was in school. I found the visit to be wonderful, I just hope I didn't talk too much as I know I have a tendency to do that. A one sided conversation can be quite dull. Although I am writing in a blog and that in itself it quite revealing! Miniman was able to play with some cars and other boy toys that we don't have here. Bubbles was content to drag herself around on the floor and get nibbles of the cake I was snacking on. And I was able to make more of a connection with another mom. Something I don't think on lightly. You see when I meet someone I wonder how long the friendship will last. I am selfish in that I would like the relationships to last as long as possible and that even when I move away we will still find a way to connect. It is hard to know that almost all the relationships I have made in the past, slowly faded as I moved further away. Luckily there are the Facebook and MySpace sites that allow me to connect again with those I have lost contact with. Anyway, I found K to be quite pleasant. She is very nice and welcomed me into her home with grace and for thought. I have nothing but good things to say about her. Also I couldn't help but notice the NASCAR items around the house and I must also admit that I got excited to think that Hubby would enjoy her Hubby's company and we would have a couple friend. We haven't really had one of those. To find a friend is a blessing, to find a friend for myself and at the same time one for Hubby is like winning the lotto! There is apart of me that is reserved and knows not to hope too much. After all , being the only "couple friend" another couple has can be quite draining. So I will have to be patient and make sure we don't wear out our welcome.
On another note, Hubby is dong well now that he is off his meds. We figure there is about two more weeks for him to get back to his old self. He was on a heavy amount of drugs for a long time and it takes a while for all of it to get out of your system. I am still praying for him, as I know just from being around him that this isn't easy. The kids are all doing well and are thriving. Next month we find out if Goosie is ready for Kindergarten. I am debating on holding her back in preschool just to make sure if she is right on the line. I would rather her be more then ready and as prepared as possible then falling behind. So when the next time we happen to move I am going to have to do a lot more research when it comes to where we will live. So much to think about..! Hopefully it is at least 4 years away. I would like to not have to move again until just before Hubby retires. We are in a good school area, a nice town and I can see Goosie making connections that I would hate to sever any time soon. Well, that is enough for tonight. I hope all is well with you and yours dear readers.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
MMMM Cookies for Breakfast??
My niece M came to stay with us over this past summer and left her recipe books here by accident. I am always looking for ways to make quick meals, that taste good and are good for you. In one of the books is a recipe for Breakfast Cookies. I made them and they have been a hit! So here is the recipe...
1/2 cup butter
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup rolled oats
1 cup dried mixed fruit
1/2 cup dried banana chips broken up
1/2 cup walnuts, peanuts, pecans or almonds
Lightly grease cookie sheet
Turn on oven to 350 degree's F
Mix ingredients together
Scoop dough out by 1/4 cup for large cookies 1/8 cup for small cookies
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes (until tops of cookies are slightly browned)
These are super good, I don't feel guilty about my kids snacking on them and they are easy to make. Plus if you have someone with allergies you can easily modify the recipe. Oh and these are good with yogurt, juice, fresh fruit or by themselves. Happy Eating!
slightly flatten dough on cookie sheet
1/2 cup butter
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup rolled oats
1 cup dried mixed fruit
1/2 cup dried banana chips broken up
1/2 cup walnuts, peanuts, pecans or almonds
Lightly grease cookie sheet
Turn on oven to 350 degree's F
Mix ingredients together
Scoop dough out by 1/4 cup for large cookies 1/8 cup for small cookies
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes (until tops of cookies are slightly browned)
These are super good, I don't feel guilty about my kids snacking on them and they are easy to make. Plus if you have someone with allergies you can easily modify the recipe. Oh and these are good with yogurt, juice, fresh fruit or by themselves. Happy Eating!
slightly flatten dough on cookie sheet
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Update on Us
I woke up this morning, the lawn was covered in white. The tips of the grass are still showing so the snow is not that deep. But knowing that my little part of the world has the fluffy whites, makes me happy. The kids haven't seen it yet, I know that they will want to go out and play in it. But I know that it's just a little too cold for them to go and play.
There is just something about he look on a child's face when they see the snow. You can see it in their eye's how excited they are and the impatience to go and play in it. We have had snow days already. Hubby takes the two older ones out to play and when they are done they come inside for some hot chocolate. It is always a blast to see them all having so much fun together.
Bubbles is growing by the minute it seems. When I take Goosie to school, Bubbles is always in the stroller. I took her out the other day and some of the other mom's commented on her size. I know that when she is in Hubby's arms she looks like a normal size baby. But when I hold her she looks bigger. I think it is because I am so short.
Goosie is doing well in school. We should be getting a report card next month. I am anxious to see how they think she is doing. Although I admit that when I am talking to the other mom's at times it seems I am not doing all that others do with their kids. I pray that this wont hold her back. Anymore it seems preschool is a requirement. There is such a demand on kids these day's. It is nothing like it used to be, and I am afraid it is just going to get worse.
Miniman has a obsession with Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ever since we got the Chipmunk movie last year, he has been singing and dancing like a chipmunk. I adore him, I know that he is one of the sweetest guys! I love him so much. Sometimes when I look at him I am reminded of Hubby. They have the same eyes and smile. I know that one day he will leave the comfort of my arms and cleave to his wife. I pray for her daily. I know that the day will come and I know that I will be as ready as I can for it.
Hubby is getting better. The withdrawals aren't as bad as they were before. It is only at night that they are at their worst. I think because he doesn't have as many distractions as he does at work. He and I both get tired about the same time at night too. We have been turning in early, the kids are waking up earlier and we just can't keep staying up so late. Any and all prayers are appreciated. I know that even though we are almost done with the detox for the Oxycontin, there is still the detox for the Fentinoyl to go through. I will sign off for now, I need to get my day started.
There is just something about he look on a child's face when they see the snow. You can see it in their eye's how excited they are and the impatience to go and play in it. We have had snow days already. Hubby takes the two older ones out to play and when they are done they come inside for some hot chocolate. It is always a blast to see them all having so much fun together.
Bubbles is growing by the minute it seems. When I take Goosie to school, Bubbles is always in the stroller. I took her out the other day and some of the other mom's commented on her size. I know that when she is in Hubby's arms she looks like a normal size baby. But when I hold her she looks bigger. I think it is because I am so short.
Goosie is doing well in school. We should be getting a report card next month. I am anxious to see how they think she is doing. Although I admit that when I am talking to the other mom's at times it seems I am not doing all that others do with their kids. I pray that this wont hold her back. Anymore it seems preschool is a requirement. There is such a demand on kids these day's. It is nothing like it used to be, and I am afraid it is just going to get worse.
Miniman has a obsession with Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ever since we got the Chipmunk movie last year, he has been singing and dancing like a chipmunk. I adore him, I know that he is one of the sweetest guys! I love him so much. Sometimes when I look at him I am reminded of Hubby. They have the same eyes and smile. I know that one day he will leave the comfort of my arms and cleave to his wife. I pray for her daily. I know that the day will come and I know that I will be as ready as I can for it.
Hubby is getting better. The withdrawals aren't as bad as they were before. It is only at night that they are at their worst. I think because he doesn't have as many distractions as he does at work. He and I both get tired about the same time at night too. We have been turning in early, the kids are waking up earlier and we just can't keep staying up so late. Any and all prayers are appreciated. I know that even though we are almost done with the detox for the Oxycontin, there is still the detox for the Fentinoyl to go through. I will sign off for now, I need to get my day started.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Spiritual Thoughts
I went to a funeral this past weekend for my second cousin. She was only 2. It was heartbreaking. I was able to experience many things at the ceremony. One of which strangely was joy. It was the kind of joy one feels alongside grief. The knowledge that she is no longer suffering, she is free as she is able, she received the ultimate healing. I was also touched by her family. Her Mother, Father and Siblings were all grieving her, but they were also celebrating her. It was very touching.
The other thing that struck me was how unjudged I felt. I was raised in a different belief system then most. I knew that the services would be held in a church much like the one I was raised in. There were many things about this type of congregation that for as long as I can remember I have had certain ideas about. I thought that I would be judged, whispered about, talked about, and "turned in" for not dressing the same as everyone else. I didn't feel or experience any of this and now am questioning myself. Am I so complacent that I no longer feel judged or challenged by those who believe differently then I do? I know that this is only a question that I can answer by searching within myself and seeking God's direction. I know that in explaining things to myself I have come to realize that we are all on an individual spiritual journey,no one is at the same place and we are each challenged in different ways. Some are challenged to dress differently then others. Others are challenged to give up more earthly things then others. Regardless, no matter what the challenge it doesn't make one person better then the other or "Holier" it just means they are in a different place.
All the different places we are each in help someone else. It is just like it says in the Bible, "can the hand tell the foot it is not needed?" and "There are many members that make up the body of Christ".
So I may not dress the same as I did when I was younger. I don't believe what I did when I was younger. Sure there are times when I think that in my youth I was a "better" Christian. But I wasn't better, I was just younger and untested. It is in the testing that we find our strength. I know that my time of testing is not over, it won't be over until I am called to be with my Heavenly Father. Until then I will continue to do the best I can with what I am given. I do plan on delving into the Bible more and finding more things out for myself. I want to be the best person I can, and with God's help it is possible.
The other thing that struck me was how unjudged I felt. I was raised in a different belief system then most. I knew that the services would be held in a church much like the one I was raised in. There were many things about this type of congregation that for as long as I can remember I have had certain ideas about. I thought that I would be judged, whispered about, talked about, and "turned in" for not dressing the same as everyone else. I didn't feel or experience any of this and now am questioning myself. Am I so complacent that I no longer feel judged or challenged by those who believe differently then I do? I know that this is only a question that I can answer by searching within myself and seeking God's direction. I know that in explaining things to myself I have come to realize that we are all on an individual spiritual journey,no one is at the same place and we are each challenged in different ways. Some are challenged to dress differently then others. Others are challenged to give up more earthly things then others. Regardless, no matter what the challenge it doesn't make one person better then the other or "Holier" it just means they are in a different place.
All the different places we are each in help someone else. It is just like it says in the Bible, "can the hand tell the foot it is not needed?" and "There are many members that make up the body of Christ".
So I may not dress the same as I did when I was younger. I don't believe what I did when I was younger. Sure there are times when I think that in my youth I was a "better" Christian. But I wasn't better, I was just younger and untested. It is in the testing that we find our strength. I know that my time of testing is not over, it won't be over until I am called to be with my Heavenly Father. Until then I will continue to do the best I can with what I am given. I do plan on delving into the Bible more and finding more things out for myself. I want to be the best person I can, and with God's help it is possible.
Monday, January 5, 2009
My Adventure
I have decided the thing that gets me the most is repetition.
My whole life right now seems to be one big circle. Wake up, get myself and the kids dressed, brush three sets of teeth, fix three heads of hair, change two butts and wipe the other two (OK one of the butts is mine, but still!).
Make breakfast, chocolate milk, do a load of laundry, straighten up the house. Make lunch. Get the kids ready to leave, pile in the van strap everyone in, go. Return home unload the van, change two butts, wipe two butts. Do a load of laundry, straighten up the house. Make a snack. Clean dishes, straighten up the house, change two butts wipe one butt. Make dinner. Run bath water lay out pj's, diapers and lotion. Clean everyone in the tub then dry, lotion and dress.have snack with Daddy. Change two butts wipe two butts. Get two kids to sleep, kiss three kids goodnight, kiss Hubby goodnight. Sleep on and off while nursing one and making sure the other two don't fall out of bed. Get a little more sleep that I can't remember wake up and start over again.
I repeat this schedule pretty much everyday. There are a few variations, but this is a basic out line. The other thing I seem to repeat even more then the above, is directions I give to the kids. Sit down, don't bother your brother/sister, close your mouth when you eat, sit still so I can fix your hair, don't swallow the toothpaste when I am trying to brush your teeth, don't bite on your tooth brush when I am brushing your teeth. Thank you for listening Mommy really appreciates it when you listen. Good job putting on your shoes. I see you got yourself dressed, wonderful! Thank you for trying to share, but I don't think baby sister wants your speed racer. It goes on and on.
I am thankful for it. But I also grow weary. I will be 29 this June. There is much I thought I would have accomplished by now, and there are things I have accomplished that I didn't think I would have done by this point. What can I say I will probably be on this merry go round for the next 18 years, possibly more. I call it my adventure. I paid a nominal price for admittance and I will never be able to leave. This ride will continue for as long as I am alive and I am grateful for it. At times I am overwhelmed by all the responsibility, other times I am overwhelmed by all the love I feel. So bring it on kids, I am Mom and I will love you anyway!
My whole life right now seems to be one big circle. Wake up, get myself and the kids dressed, brush three sets of teeth, fix three heads of hair, change two butts and wipe the other two (OK one of the butts is mine, but still!).
Make breakfast, chocolate milk, do a load of laundry, straighten up the house. Make lunch. Get the kids ready to leave, pile in the van strap everyone in, go. Return home unload the van, change two butts, wipe two butts. Do a load of laundry, straighten up the house. Make a snack. Clean dishes, straighten up the house, change two butts wipe one butt. Make dinner. Run bath water lay out pj's, diapers and lotion. Clean everyone in the tub then dry, lotion and dress.have snack with Daddy. Change two butts wipe two butts. Get two kids to sleep, kiss three kids goodnight, kiss Hubby goodnight. Sleep on and off while nursing one and making sure the other two don't fall out of bed. Get a little more sleep that I can't remember wake up and start over again.
I repeat this schedule pretty much everyday. There are a few variations, but this is a basic out line. The other thing I seem to repeat even more then the above, is directions I give to the kids. Sit down, don't bother your brother/sister, close your mouth when you eat, sit still so I can fix your hair, don't swallow the toothpaste when I am trying to brush your teeth, don't bite on your tooth brush when I am brushing your teeth. Thank you for listening Mommy really appreciates it when you listen. Good job putting on your shoes. I see you got yourself dressed, wonderful! Thank you for trying to share, but I don't think baby sister wants your speed racer. It goes on and on.
I am thankful for it. But I also grow weary. I will be 29 this June. There is much I thought I would have accomplished by now, and there are things I have accomplished that I didn't think I would have done by this point. What can I say I will probably be on this merry go round for the next 18 years, possibly more. I call it my adventure. I paid a nominal price for admittance and I will never be able to leave. This ride will continue for as long as I am alive and I am grateful for it. At times I am overwhelmed by all the responsibility, other times I am overwhelmed by all the love I feel. So bring it on kids, I am Mom and I will love you anyway!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Home from the Funeral for Anna
I got home from the funeral not long ago. I am holding my babies tighter tonight I am sure.
I am thankful I was able to go and support my cousin's but at the same time, I am saddened at the thought of such a young life released from this world so fast.
The ceremony was beautiful. The pictures of a bright beautiful baby face graced many places. I had not realized that sweet Anna was the same age as my Miniman. They were less then a month apart in age. That was a hard realization.
I was able to see my cousin's, some whom I hadn't seen in so long that we didn't recognize each other. Other's who had met my other two children and my Hubby let me know that the rest of my big little family was missed.
What a sweet reflection of a life so shortly lived. I will write more later.
I am thankful I was able to go and support my cousin's but at the same time, I am saddened at the thought of such a young life released from this world so fast.
The ceremony was beautiful. The pictures of a bright beautiful baby face graced many places. I had not realized that sweet Anna was the same age as my Miniman. They were less then a month apart in age. That was a hard realization.
I was able to see my cousin's, some whom I hadn't seen in so long that we didn't recognize each other. Other's who had met my other two children and my Hubby let me know that the rest of my big little family was missed.
What a sweet reflection of a life so shortly lived. I will write more later.
Friday, January 2, 2009
The Road to Recovery So Far..
In November of 2000 Hubby crushed his left foot. The damage was so severe that the Dr's used shards of one bone to repair the second in his big toe. There were screws and crutches and the like for sometime. During one of the surgeries the nerves in his left foot were damaged beyond repair. Hubby has had R.S.D. ever since. R.S.D. is a chronic pain condition. There is no cure, only different ways to manage the pain. I met Hubby in 2002 two years after his accident. He was on a moderate amount of vicodin to help deal with the pain. We were married Spring of 2003. With all the moving we have done the past 6 years Dr's have only been comfortable changing his prescription from vicodin to Oxycontin. After that change they have upped the dosage. There were times when Hubby admitted to me that he was abusing his medication and Dr's weren't stopping him, they would just change his dosage when Hubby said he needed more to cope with the pain.
In 2005 exactly one year after the birth of our first daughter Goosie, I had Hubby admitted into the psych ward at a local hospital in Spokane, Wa . He was suicidal. The Dr he started seeing decided to try a different approach to help hubby deal with his pain. Hubby was overdosed on Cymbalta too quickly. I was not informed of the change, nor that I should be keeping an eye on him. The Dr OD'd Hubby in 1/2 the time it should have taken for the treatment to work. We spent our daughters first birthday apart. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. There was no family close by and I was all alone. But I claimed the blessing that I knew would come out of the chaos. Two weeks later Hubby was released and shortly there after I became pregnant with our son Miniman.
We have moved several times since then and with each move came more medication. Spring of 2008 Hubby came to me and said that he wanted to get off the medication with the help of his Dr. . Hubby has been going to a pain clinic and the specialists there know what how to help him with the pain management. Hubby was taking 190 mg of Oxycontin a day, including other pain medications. It was a feat in it's self that he was able to do all that he was doing on a daily basis.
On December 31 2008 Hubby took his last dose of Oxycontin. He is still experiencing withdrawal symptoms and things are slowly getting back to what they were. Hubby has been on narcotic drugs for 8 years. He is almost done with detox from the first. His goal is to be free of all the narcotic drugs in time. The next one to work on getting off of is Fentenyol.
I know that the road ahead won't be easy, there will be times when he leans on me more and more only so he will be able to lean on me less and less. I covet prayers during this process as I know Hubby leans on my strength as much as he does his own. My prayer is that Hubby learns to lean on God's strength more then his own as God's strength is the only thing I draw my own from. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. The road has just begun for his healing. Happy New Year!
In 2005 exactly one year after the birth of our first daughter Goosie, I had Hubby admitted into the psych ward at a local hospital in Spokane, Wa . He was suicidal. The Dr he started seeing decided to try a different approach to help hubby deal with his pain. Hubby was overdosed on Cymbalta too quickly. I was not informed of the change, nor that I should be keeping an eye on him. The Dr OD'd Hubby in 1/2 the time it should have taken for the treatment to work. We spent our daughters first birthday apart. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. There was no family close by and I was all alone. But I claimed the blessing that I knew would come out of the chaos. Two weeks later Hubby was released and shortly there after I became pregnant with our son Miniman.
We have moved several times since then and with each move came more medication. Spring of 2008 Hubby came to me and said that he wanted to get off the medication with the help of his Dr. . Hubby has been going to a pain clinic and the specialists there know what how to help him with the pain management. Hubby was taking 190 mg of Oxycontin a day, including other pain medications. It was a feat in it's self that he was able to do all that he was doing on a daily basis.
On December 31 2008 Hubby took his last dose of Oxycontin. He is still experiencing withdrawal symptoms and things are slowly getting back to what they were. Hubby has been on narcotic drugs for 8 years. He is almost done with detox from the first. His goal is to be free of all the narcotic drugs in time. The next one to work on getting off of is Fentenyol.
I know that the road ahead won't be easy, there will be times when he leans on me more and more only so he will be able to lean on me less and less. I covet prayers during this process as I know Hubby leans on my strength as much as he does his own. My prayer is that Hubby learns to lean on God's strength more then his own as God's strength is the only thing I draw my own from. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. The road has just begun for his healing. Happy New Year!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year Thoughts
I awoke to a New Year and was once again comforted by the thought that my big little family is safe, well and happy. Hubby and I stayed up until around one, talking and celebrating. I have a favorite brand of bubbly and Hubby introduced me to a new favorite. He and I talked about going to NY for the New Year when the kids are older and next year we are planning on going out to dinner just the two of us. I am already excited. I have some resolutions and here they are: wean Bubbles from breastfeeding, loose the extra 10/15 pounds I still have and most of all be the mom/wife/sister/friend/daughter that my family and friends need me to be and finding fulfilment in each role with God's grace.
I have had this blog now for a year. It is wonderful to go back and read all the things written. There are times it seems like only yesterday when somethings are written, others it seems ages ago. I enjoy writing, getting all the thoughts and things out of my head onto some type of paper. I don't think I have written in a journal in a while. I know that my blog has become that for me.
Hubby is still sleeping. I know that coming off the meds is not easy. He has a good bit of nervous energy and at times is unable to sleep. Withdrawal symptoms are no fun let me tell you. There are times it seems that his heart is going to pound out of his chest. Other times his mood swings from one extreme to the next. When he is at his worst I remind him that this is temporary, the withdrawals will pass and he will get better. Hubby tells me that he is worried about the next round of withdrawals. And tells me that if this withdrawal is bad he doesn't want to think about what is to come. He is still in constant pain and luckily is able to get off the meds because he is now under the care of Dr's that understand his condition and know what they are doing. The nerve blocks are more frequent as they are the best choice for pain management. Hubby thanks me for standing beside him through all of this and at times reminds me that this is not something I "signed up" for. But I love him and seeing his strength, courage, determination and endurance is inspiring and I fall in love with him over and over again. I know that he is doing this as much for our big little family as he is for himself. He tells me he wants to be the Father our children need and not the one that they just have. I am in awe of him and thank God for my Hubby every moment. Thank you for your prayers, please continue to keep him in them as this is only the first set of meds to detox from. God Bless and Happy New Year.
I have had this blog now for a year. It is wonderful to go back and read all the things written. There are times it seems like only yesterday when somethings are written, others it seems ages ago. I enjoy writing, getting all the thoughts and things out of my head onto some type of paper. I don't think I have written in a journal in a while. I know that my blog has become that for me.
Hubby is still sleeping. I know that coming off the meds is not easy. He has a good bit of nervous energy and at times is unable to sleep. Withdrawal symptoms are no fun let me tell you. There are times it seems that his heart is going to pound out of his chest. Other times his mood swings from one extreme to the next. When he is at his worst I remind him that this is temporary, the withdrawals will pass and he will get better. Hubby tells me that he is worried about the next round of withdrawals. And tells me that if this withdrawal is bad he doesn't want to think about what is to come. He is still in constant pain and luckily is able to get off the meds because he is now under the care of Dr's that understand his condition and know what they are doing. The nerve blocks are more frequent as they are the best choice for pain management. Hubby thanks me for standing beside him through all of this and at times reminds me that this is not something I "signed up" for. But I love him and seeing his strength, courage, determination and endurance is inspiring and I fall in love with him over and over again. I know that he is doing this as much for our big little family as he is for himself. He tells me he wants to be the Father our children need and not the one that they just have. I am in awe of him and thank God for my Hubby every moment. Thank you for your prayers, please continue to keep him in them as this is only the first set of meds to detox from. God Bless and Happy New Year.
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