Five Reflections

     It is Sunday night and I am late in both of my posts. I have decided to start with this one and will post the Bible Reading next (maybe tomorrow). Oh, how short but wide life is. Days can escape from your memory with the business of life. So bear with me Dear Reader and I pray that in the end you will be encouraged and hopefully challenged.

     One: I have my own office at work. I am responsible for so much now. I guess those that have the authority at work have seen something in my ethic or diligence that they wanted to reward with more responsibility. I am grateful, humbled and a bit overwhelmed.  There is much work to do and I will do my best. One of my coworkers asked me how I felt about the new position; since it means that I will be held accountable for much and more in the office, including a new manager to report to. My response was simply :" I don't work for J, for T or for C. I don't even work for the county (although they send me a check); I work for the Lord. In the end it is Him I will answer to and not anyone else. So they can put me in whatever job they want. I will not change any part of how I work. Because it is not for them, it is not for a paycheck (although those are nice), I work for the Lord. Colossians 3:17 states: "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father though him." ESV Crossway 2011 edition. In that alone I find assurance and job security.

     Two: I have been challenged to be still. I recently had the privilege of hearing a story. It is not my story, but I was blessed by it and hope that I remember enough of it to share with you.

Growing up my dad who was a private man, would sit in his recliner in the living room, reading a book or the newspaper.

As I would finish my chores on the way up to my room I would hear him tapping on the side of his chair.

His tapping would call to me though out my childhood and when I was younger I eagerly answered. Dad would sit and talk to me, at times just listen. As if all the things in my day and on my mind were the most important things to him. 

As I got older in my teenage years I found excuses to not respond to the quiet tapping. 

Although I did not respond, Dad was consistent. There was never a time I passed by him sitting in that chair that I did not hear his quiet call. 

Time passed and I got married and moved away. 

Then I received a call from Mom, Dad was sick and they were sure he would not last very long. 

My husband and I drove up to see them. We stayed a while talking and catching up on things. Then as we were about to leave, I heard Dad tapping. 

I looked at my husband and said: " I need to be here a little longer"

I turned and climbed up on the bed with Dad and just sat there with him. We held each other and spoke softly. After sometime, my husband and I left. 

Very early the next day Mom called. Dad passed. My heart was heavy, but I was thankful that I answered his quiet call one last time. 

There have been times since then, that I have looked back with regret on all those times Dad called me, yet I did not answer.

As a parent I believe I am called to work myself out of a job. To be a stepping stone for my children. I don't want them to be like me I want them to be better. When I heard the story above I was challenged. Do I quietly call my children to come so I can listen? When they do want to share with me, do I stop and give them all my attention so that they can see their value reflected in my treatment of them? Do my children know that I value them, I cherish them and how very very much they are loved? I have been challenged to be still, not just for myself, and for my children. But to be still before Heavenly Father. To sit at his feet and listen, to read his word and learn. If I am not still, then I am too busy, too distracted and overwhelmed. If I am still I will find peace, joy, hope, patience and I will be able to love others better. I challenge you as well, to be still.

     Three: Really, I am only on 3?? Haha! Well, My three blessings. How much and how fast they are growing. All three are excelling in school and I am so very excited to see where they will go in life. Goosie is really into manga and comics. So I picked her up a new Bible . She decided to take it to school with her and now I almost don't see her without it. I asked her why she liked it, to which she replied: " I don't loose my place and I really enjoy reading it." SCORE for mom!! Miniman has decided that he wants to be an Eagle Scout. I know that he can do it. He has such drive and determination. I am so proud of him! Bittybit, well she is my bittybit! Sometimes I can finish her sentences before she does. I am praying hard for her, she is more like me then I want to admit. But oh the joy she brings. 

     Four: This week is Spring Break for my College boyfriend (Hubby)! I am looking forward to a few lunch dates this week and am hopeful that he will be able to get ahead on his assignments as well as relax. Hubby's midterms were last week and the worst grade he received was a B+. What a change his life has taken. I am so honored and privileged to share this life with him. I am so excited to see where Heavenly Father is going to take him!

     Five:  Just some encouragement for you:

" For I am persuaded, that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 KJV Reference Bible Zondervan 1964 edition.

Until next time Dear Readers : " May the Lord Bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace"  Numbers 6:24-26 ESV crossway 2011 edition.

Love and Marriage

         Marriage has been on my heart lately. Not just because I am married.. more because there is so much that I don't understand but fully appreciate about it. Hubby and I have been together for 13 years. Most days it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like I have known him all my life. 
There have been ups and there have been downs. Sometimes the ups out number the downs, other times the downs seem overwhelming. In the military I have seen many relationships. Some have been more grounded then others. While I have admired the relationships of others, I am ever grateful for mine. I wanted to write a little about that, and hope that you will bare with me,

          Hubby and I have a wonderful working relationship. Last year he and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. My wonderful sister N sent us an anniversary card:

Love is not for sisses. Love is not all music and moonlight and romance.

Love, real love takes work. it takes patience and courage and commitment.

real love- the kind that makes two people make as promise as big as " I DO"-

isn't easy. but if anything in life is worth the effort, it's Real Love. 

and if anyone deserves that kind of LOVE it's the two of you.

I was brought to tears. My sisters have had an almost front row seat to my marriage. There is much and more they don't know. We have had our trials and difficult situations. Through it all Hubby and I have been openly honest with each other. Hubby is my best friend and we tell each other almost everything. Almost, because there are somethings we choose to keep private. 

     I had many insecurities in the beginning. There was so much baggage that I brought into this relationship with because of my past. I remember the anxiety and the fear I had. That I would not measure up to some imagined vision of what a wife really was.  I admired the wives portrayed in the 50's. These surly were women that had it all together. I held myself to that standard for sometime. Hubby would come home from work and I would have dinner waiting. In the beginning the house would be clean, and once he came home there was nothing he had to do but relax. Then the children came, and the housework took a back seat to being a parent. I regretted the digression from having a neat and orderly house, to one of chaos and clutter. Then Hubby would remind me that he likes the home we have, and doesn't miss the house we used to.

     

        I say all of this because so much of it ties into our marriage. Marriage is so much more than rainbows and butterflies. It is hard work that unless you have a great partner, it is tough to stay afloat. I can honestly say that Hubby loves me as Christ loves the Church. I know that he would do anything for me including laying down his life. Hubby has a chronic pain condition and it seeps into every part of our relationship. The simple overwhelming fact that he gets up everyday and makes an intentional effort to be a part of our families lives is amazing to me. Hubby doesn't give into the pain or the other baggage that threatens to take him away from us. He fights with every moment to be here, in the present. 

          This last year form 12 to 13 has been a difficult one. Years ago when Hubby had open spinal surgery I leaned on Heavenly Father just to breathe, I thought that I was close. But as life and little things do it got in the way and I drifted. Heavenly Father still watched and guided me, in all honesty I drifted away. Towards the end of the year things got rough. I could see how our relationship had deteriorated and that our children were suffering. Hubby went into the hospital as a last ditch effort to save his life and our marriage. Then I got a call. It was horrific. The nurse told me that Hubby almost died. I felt a black hole open up in my chest,  everything I had ever dreamed was getting sucked in and I was bereft. I have never felt so alone. I went to see an artist friend of mine S. I wanted a new tattoo. Something to remind me that this fight for Hubby's life is not over, that although I married Hubby, he does not belong to me, I asked my friend: " What do I do now?" S just looked at me and said " You go home and be the best Mom you can be for your kids, Don't worry about him, He is going to get the help he needs" . So I went home, On the way I called my brother in law D. I asked him to pray and I asked for his advise. D told me that I had to give all of Hubby to God. Every part of our marriage. All of the emotions and memories, all the hopes and dreams of the future and I would have to do so repeatedly. In angry bitter tears I thanked him and hung up. The drive home was difficult; I screamed, I cried, I begged. I prayed. I found peace; then came joy. It was still going to be hard, but I was confidant that  heavenly Father was going to see me through. When I got home I had the strength to do the best I could for the kids. 

         Hubby cam home about a week later. I have had the humble privilege of watching a change take over him. Our relationship changed, his walk with Heavenly Father changed, the way he parents the children beside me changed. There has been much change in the past 6 months. Recently when we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We had a Marriage Encounter one weekend, that one weekend changed everything again. There is an intimacy now in our relationship that did not exist before. There is a security and celebration not only in our commitment to each other, but in the welcoming of Heavenly Father in our marriage. I am humbled and excited to see where this road will take us. I am also more determined than before that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and His plan is far better then anything we could ever conceive .  

           Many times I wake in the morning with a song of praise on my lips, thankfulness in my heart and an excitement to discover what will happen next. There are other times admittedly that I awaken to a much somber emotion. However, I have learned that no matter the mood in which I greet the day, Heavenly Father will change my heart, if I humbly ask him to. There are so many ways that I see Heavenly Father's love though out my day. I encourage you dear readers to look, listen and be still. At times it is in the midst of the chaos that you will find peace. Be blessed.

        

The Rains In Life

When the rains in life come, choose to dance. When dancing you feel free and afterwards are exhausted. Dance in the rain. ~DBarker1422 (Twitter)

     When I look back on the last ten years of my relationship with Hubby. I can remember a lot of dancing. Not really with him, he doesn't dance. More with Heavenly Father as the storms in life have come up.  Some would say it would be easier sometimes to pretend the rain isn't falling. To put up an umbrella, stamp my feet and shout that " I am still dry, it's not raining!!". In the end, it would just rain more, I would have to go over a lesson a few times rather than paying attention and getting it on the first go. 

     At five months pregnant with Goosie, I had the triple test done. The results came back that my sweet baby had a high chance of being born with open Spina Bifida. I was 24 and heartbroken. I also did what I tend to do when I am overwhelmed, I call someone and ask them to pray with me. This time I called my brother-in-law D. After praying together on the phone (he in SC and I in WA). I felt a peace come over me. From that point on I knew that no matter what my "babylove" would be okay. I also had confidence that no matter how she came out, we would be able to be the parents she needed us to be. Shortly after the test results, we were given the option of another ultrasound and an amniocentesis. The amniocentesis is a medical procedure where a long needle is inserted through the abdomen, into the uterus and amniotic fluid is extracted for testing. There is a chance of preterm labor and we didn't see the point of taking a risk, no matter how small the Dr's said it would be. You can find more information here. So we declined the test and were referred to a counselor for genetic testing. We sat in a small office on an Army Base and were told our choices. What the insurance would pay for and what it wouldn't. When Hubby and I emerged I think both of us were all the more determined not to let any one in the medical community tell us what we could and couldn't do. We were going to trust in God and God alone. The pregnancy continued, almost text book. Then at forty weeks and one day my water broke and we headed to the hospital. I wasn't progressing the way the Dr felt I should, and ended up being induced. Goosie was born full term and perfect  She had a 9 on her first APGAR and a 10 on her second. Goosie was healthy and whole, God danced me through that storm.

     Goosie's first birthday, I will never forget. It was the start of a second storm. Hubby had been placed on a new medication that was supposed to help with his pain management. The Dr. didn't dose Hubby correctly, so that morning Hubby woke up with a plan, he had it rationalized/justified and he was just waiting. I tried to keep the day normal for Goosie. But after hours of convincing I took Hubby into the hospital, he was admitted and I could not see him for 48 hours. I remember placing Goosie in her car-seat, latching everything in place and climbing into the drivers seat. I felt an overwhelming depression try to take over me. After all, we had just moved. I had yet to make any friends, find a church home or even be introduced to the Command. I sat there in my car and prayed. I prayed that God would take hold of Hubby, I claimed his life.. and not just any life but abundant life. Even after knowing what Hubby had on his mind to do, I knew that wasn't what God had planned for him. So I prayed, I drove home and prayed. The time that Hubby spent in the hospital I curled up with our sweet Goosie and sang her to sleep each night. I prayed comfort over her, myself and Hubby. I also had a peace. Before I was finished driving out of the parking garage.. I was overwhelmed with rolls of peace flooding my soul. When Hubby was released things went back to our kind of normal, a little while later we discovered that our family was going to grow again.. abundant life. God danced me through that storm as well.
  
      We went years without big storms. Sure there were the everyday ones that seem so small and insignificant. I know that God walked me through those. The next big storm came when Miniman was 4. We were at a friends house sharing lunch and making the girls Easter dresses, when my friend came in and told me that something was wrong with Miniman. I went in to check on him and my worst fear was soon confirmed. Miniman was having a migraine. And not just any migraine but the kind I get. My friend kept the girls, I carried Miniman out to the truck and headed to the hospital, calling Hubby on the way so he could meet us there. I remember Miniman pleading from his car-seat for me to sing to him. He was scared and wanted to hear the song that has lulled him to sleep all his short life. So with my voice breaking and many starts and stops I sang Baby Mine. While singing I also prayed. I asked God to give me the migraine, to spare my son. I asked him to heal my sweet boy and make him whole. I also prayed that God would get the glory and that His will would be done above my own. My friend challenged me to give Miniman to God, to quit taking him back, to trust that God knew what he was doing concerning Miniman and that I didn't need to stand in the way of a blessing. I received a peace once again. I wrote about the experience here. At the hospital the Dr's ran many tests. There is no way to tell if someone is having a migraine or not. The only test that is out there is a DNA test and those are not cheap. Instead the Dr's have to rule everything else out. After almost a week Miniman was released. Things went back the way they had and Miniman has no residual effects. God danced me through another storm.

     Hubby has chronic pain, he has been living with it since 2001. The Dr he was seeing told him about an option that was now available. It would require him getting off of the narcotic's he had been on for nine years and an open spinal surgery. You can find my original posts here and here. I was reading through the book of Esther and learned that she also had a storm to walk through. Esther fasted and prayed diligently before she went before the king. So I took notes, I prayed and fasted about Hubby's surgery. I knew that there were three ways in which the surgery would result. 1. He would come out better then he went in. 2. He would be paralyzed from the waist down or 3. I would no longer see him on this side of heaven. Two of the three were daunting. I couldn't imagine my life with out Hubby, let alone raising our three little ones alone. So I prayed, but not for my will to be done, but that God's will. I also thanked God for Hubby, the life that we had, our children.. for everything. I remember kissing Hubby goodbye not knowing if it would be the last time, but having peace. Hours later, Hubby was out of surgery and after a bit of in hospital recovery I was able to take him home. He was wheeled out to the truck and when I saw him stand.. my heart overflowed with joy! Heavenly Father led and I danced through yet another storm. 

      The point of this post is to brag of course. To brag on Heavenly Father, knowing that his ways are not our ways and when the rains and storms of life come. I have a resting place, and so do you if you will accept it. It is a privilege to be a child of the Almighty. Knowing that no matter what this life throws at us there is nothing we could ever go through that He has not seen us through. I am blessed beyond all measure, it is my hope that after reading about some of the storms he has lead, carried and danced me through, you would be encouraged in the midst of your own. I know that the rain and storms will still come, because I am not yet home. So until next time Dear Readers.. Be Blessed!

One Blue Star

     Hubby came home yesterday with a new tea mug. The one he got me just a few short months ago is already in need of a replacement, as it has become one of my favorites. 

This is what it used to look like

The letters and design are all faded now also due to an accident in the kitchen, I have had to super glue the handle.

This is my new one.

I have never thought of myself as a blue star wife. Admittedly I don't think Hubby has either. However, regulation states that the Blue Star Banner is for the family of anyone with a family member serving in the Armed Forces during a time of conflict. You can find more information here. So when Hubby came home and presented this mug to me, I was very honored. I always thought that being a blue star spouse meant that your military member was overseas and you displayed the Blue Star Banner until their return. This however is not the case. While I am thankful to have such a meaningful mug, I am not going to go out and get a banner to display in the window as I think that will be misleading to the general public.

     When I sit and think about what it means to be a Recruiter's wife compared to being an Operational Army wife, I tend to think I have the better end of the deal. Sure Hubby has worked long hours in Recruiting and as far as a holiday off.. that has been debatable. Is the sacrifice my family is making any less stressful than that of others? I honestly don't think you can truly compare the two. The dynamics are vastly different. 

     Almost every year for the past ten when Veterans Day and Memorial Day come around I witness Hubby recognizing other Veterans. He has been asked to give speeches at High Schools, Ceremonies and other things. When someone approaches him to thank him for his service he accepts it, but then tells them that he is not the one they should be thanking. Rather it is the young men and women who are signing up and being shipped off instead. 

    In less than a year Hubby will be at 20 years of service. He joined when he was 18. While he has not seen war, he has seen his share of conflicts. Twelve years ago he was selected to be a recruiter, during his time at the school house he was injured. Due to that injury he has not been able to go back to the job he signed up for.. his first love, the infantry. He was a heavy weapons squad leader and scout team leader, Airborne/Air Assault all the way. I am not naive enough to think that if there weren't a way for him to go back, he wouldn't. When the war in Iraq started he put in his packet a number of times to return to the Infantry. Now each time one of his recruits is sent off into theater he wishes it were him instead.

     I know that his upcoming retirement will not be easy. If I really take count of the last ten years he and I have shared, they haven't been easy either. I know that not a day goes by that Hubby doesn't ache to return to his beloved infantry. I am ever so thankful that he is here with me. He has witnessed the birth of our children and has not missed a birthday, anniversary or holiday. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't trade it all for a chance to be a squad leader again. 

     Yes, we are a Blue Star family. We are fortunate that our military member serves here at home. But that doesn't mean that I see myself as any better than a wife on the operational side. If anything I see them as being tougher than myself. So I pray, I pray that their loved ones will come home. I pray that their families will be safe and strong. I pray that they will continue to be all that they are needed to be so that their military member can rest easy and stay focused on the mission. So now each day when I sit to have a cup of tea. I will remember and I will pray for each of them. I am sure they covet our prayers as a nation, as they do what they must. Until next time Dear Readers.. Be Blessed.

Just a regular Friday please..

     Yesterday morning I awoke with thoughts of heaven. I leaned over Bitty-bit to reach Hubby and said: " I am so thankful we are both saved. When we get to heaven we will have new bodies; they will not know pain, suffering, sickness or disfigurement. We will be made whole, wonderful and we will still be together then." We kissed and then commenced to our morning routine of waking the children and getting them ready for the day ahead. Breakfast was served, children dressed and we were all off and ready for the day. Hubby only had two appointments and I expected him home at a decent time. I was off to a field trip with Bitty-bit  to discover the wonders of the pumpkin patch, honey bee's and a four year old's laughter.
     I don't usually go on school field trips with the children. I insist that Hubby does, so that they have special time together. I hoard the children to myself at times (being a stay at home Momma affords me that) while he goes off to work and miss' the many wonderment's of childhood that I see daily. Bitty-bit and I rode the bus together and then sweated it out under the warm southern sun. I had forgotten that it doesn't get cold in the south as soon as it does in the north. After scampering through the corn maze. She and I looked at the honey bee's busy with their task, pet the goats, made funny faces at the lowing calf and finally picked the perfect two pumpkins. We all then loaded back into the school buses sleepy and hot. The windows were down, adults chatted over the din of wind and some children fell heavy in laps while others were still filled with exuberant energy. Bitty-Bit and I said good bye at the school, she wanted to ride the bus home and I found my way back to the two puppy boys itching for attention.
     I had thought that the most exciting part of my day was over. The children clambered off the bus and after   devouring snacks homework was started, then completed. Goosie was working on her extra credit work, Miniman wanted to sculpt and paint clay as well, Bitty-Bit was content to paint as many pictures as her paint and brush would allow. Hubby called to say he wouldn't make it home in time for me to go to the PTA meeting that night and was going to ask one of the guys from the office if they could come help for a minute. I started dinner as help arrived. Shortly there after..I just wanted a regular Thursday night.
       Hubby walked into the kitchen and looked strange. His usual pristine uniform was cut, bloodied and dirty. He had a bloody nose and there were cuts on his hands. As I took in his appearance I asked: " Honey, What happened?" He responded with " I don't know" Then I watched as his knees buckled. I ran forward to catch his head. I didn't want it to fall on the floor knowing there is only concrete under the linoleum. He was out.  I called 911, with the phone ringing in my ear I checked his pulse and breathing. The sparse training I had for emergencies was no where to be found. When the operator came on the line I did my best to tell her what happened. I am certain she could only make out frantic woman with someone in urgent need of help on the other end. I couldn't remember my phone number but I did remember to tell her that he was unresponsive, but breathing. I tried to tell her what my impossibly frozen brain didn't want to comprehend. That there was something terribly wrong with my husband and there was nothing I could do to fix the situation or make it better on my own. I don't remember my exact words, but when she gave me direction I did as I was told. The guy from the office helped me turn him onto his back and shortly there after he came to. That's when the call ended. Hubby was lucid enough to start giving me directions for his emergency care. As quickly as I could I loosed his belt and boots. I checked for his keys, phones and wallet. The only two things I didn't find were his GOC(government owned cell phone) and his wallet. This I made a mental note of but pressed on. Goosie stepped in and grabbed two pillows to prop up Hubby's feet and when the medic's arrived I was leaning over Hubby asking him what he remembered.
      As the paramedic's clambered into what now seems a too narrow hall way. I was asked to step away as they took over. One distracted me with questions as two others deftly worked over Hubby. When the police officer came I was outside, the children had been sent upstairs and Hubby was still splayed on the floor in the kitchen. I was looking for his wallet and GOC. I answered questions again to the best of my ability but it was all just a blur.When I went in again to check on Hubby I was asked to leave they said as kindly as possible "Mam, you don't need to see this." I turned away thankful the children were upstairs. They had already seen their Daddy fall and Mommy close to lose it. The last thing they needed to see was anything I didn't need to see either. I tried calling those I know locally, but my mind was honestly blank. I could only think of calling my sister I. Of  all my sisters her schedule is at times the most flexible I called and told her I needed her. I am sure the rest was incoherent (as she later told me). The next call I made was to my Mom. Yes, I know she is in California but when I need my Momma, I need my Momma. While I was on the phone with my Mom my friend R called.  I had posted a cry for help on Facebook, she was on her way. No questions asked no explanation warranted. She knew I needed her and she came. When I finally got through to someone local they came over to help with the children. Hubby had left for the hospital some time before ( I ached to go with him and was angry that I couldn't, but my babies..). By the time J and her hubby got to the house two ours later, my sister I and niece M were pulling in.
     J and her hubby drove me to the hospital. I took what I needed for an over night stay. I had no clue what condition Hubby was in nor what lay ahead of us. I did take a moment to pray. My Mom and sister I had prayed with me as well that night, but peace didn't envelop me until after I bowed my head to pray, thanking God for my wonderful Hubby the life we share, the joys and the sorrows. Afterwards I knew everything was going to be okay. Even if it wasn't an outcome that my head didn't want to grasp, in my heart I knew we would all be okay. The words I woke up with that morning came back to my ear and I was thankful for them once again. When we arrived at the hospital I rushed to be at his side. Once I was there, he was talking politics. That man of mine, I love him so severely.
      R and her family arrived in time to give us a ride home. In my frantic grab and go thoughts I didn't think of clothing. Hubby arrived home last night in paper scrubs. But he arrived home. We all got the full story after the older children were tucked into bed. Bitty-bit is always the first to fall asleep, that night was no exception. Hubby's evening wen't something like this:
     He was on his way to the office to switch out vehicles before heading home. As he was driving down the road he saw someone walking that fit the physical description of being eligible to join the military. So he stopped, asked the guy if he would like a ride and would listen to Hubby talk to him about his options in the military. Let me stop here and say that Hubby has actually recruited a few people this way. At some point the guy asked Hubby if he could make a call. The guy did so and sent a text. A short while later the guy asked Hubby to stop stating that he was okay to walk further. Hubby exited the vehicle to bid the guy farewell and let him know that the military didn't look like a viable option.  About this time something hit Hubby on the back of the head. What ever it was broke and knocked Hubby down. When he got up Hubby only saw the one guy. Hubby got back into the vehicle and started beating on the guy. As the guy was pilfering through the vehicle looking for valuables and money. As Hubby was pounding the guy, apparently the guy was cutting Hubby with something. When the guy relented Hubby took off the guy fell out as the vehicle sped off. Hubby came home.
      I was shaken last night. Even after Hubby was home sleeping soundly as he could in our bed I still woke up often in the night thankful that he was still there beside me. Did the guy make off with some stuff? Yes, but anything on earth pales in comparison to those we love who we share our lives with. Whether as friends or lovers, acquaintances or someone we just happen to meet in passing. Everyone we meet has an impact on us. I know the guy my Hubby met yesterday will make me ever thankful for just a regular Thursday..or even a Friday for that matter. As long as I can share it with those I care about for as long as we can. That is one of the true treasures of life. Until next time dear readers, Be Blessed.
   

True Beauty

     Hubby had an injection today. He gets them once a month, and they put him out of commission for two days.  They do help. His back is not seizing the way it was before the injection treatment started, and when his back starts to seize it doesn't last as long nor is it as intense. So he tells me. While at the pain management clinic I decided to watch people. It is a fascination of mine. To observe people going about their day. Their actions and reactions to things, the way they carry themselves or even how patient they are. Most of those I watched were elderly.
     A little lady held my interest for sometime. She wore clothes that were a bit large as if in her added years time had done what physical exertion had not. The overly large cardigan hung to her knees, pants were hitched to an uncomfortable level and belted in a way that made the waist bunch up. Her shirt was tucked neatly and her hair coiffed to perfection. I held no doubts that in her youth she kept regular hair appointments at the salon, and still did so now. Glasses were also large and for a petite woman she was dressed in what seemed like someone else's wardrobe. I would have loved to invite her to tea and scones, to listen to the wisdom all the gray on top of her elegant head proclaimed. I did not see any one with her and can only conclude that she either drove their, took a bus or her waitstaff was somewhere unseen. I hope that whomever is attached to this elderly woman understands what a treasure she is.
      There is a beauty in aging. Popular belief is that beauty is in youth. Flawless skin, long hair, and a healthy fit body. As I have grown and changed so has my idea of beauty. Sometimes I have to remind my head what true beauty really is. It is not the body figure I had in high school or even the one I had when I first met and married Hubby. True beauty is  when you are comfortable with who you are on the inside and the outside. I am not sure I would want the body I had before children back. How beautiful is it that my body helped create three people, kept them safe and nurtured them until they were ready to enter into this big bad beautiful creation of the world. I have stretch marks and what I call my "extra mommy".. all of which I have come to find the beauty in. So when I saw that little old lady today I couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was. She had aged, all of us do. If you really want to be morbid about it the moment you were born you started to die. That is how your body was created, and what a beautiful creation it is.
      Hubby was the youngest patient there today. Others looked well into there 60's if not 70's. Chronic pain has a way of aging the young. Illness has an annoying way of stealing childhoods and entrapping those we love in a spiral of despair if we their loved ones aren't diligent. I know this has been long and more then a bit rambling. There is just so much that bounces around in my head. If you have ready this far thank you. And until next time Dear Readers, Be Blessed!

Update and Rambling

     Next week Hubby is technically on leave, or as civilians would say paid vacation. I know that next week will run like any other week in the house. Due to his many doctors appointments it is hard to go anywhere. Add to that the MEB process and we really are staying home. The truth is I see him less when he is on leave then I do when he is not on leave. I am not sure how that works or really why. I hear many times of vacations to the beach, mountains or somewhere in between. I would love a family vacation. I would like to go somewhere just the two of us where we didn't have an agenda or kids.That day will come I just don't think it will come next week.
     I bought new lunch boxes for the kids. I have seen the T.V. commercials for Pack-it and figured why not, it would certainly help keep things cold. After starting to pack the kids lunches I discovered that I wanted something more in a lunch box. Something that would keep the food cold, and not take up space I could use for food the way an ice pack or cube does. I even thought of making one myself. But common sense got a hold of me and I bought these:

One for each of the kids and one for either Hubby or myself. The kids have taken them to school for a day and so far so good the bento style lunches I pack are staying colder then they have previously. Here are some of the ones I have made: 

Roast beef and provolone roll ups; 1/2 a pear; a homemade pretzel and homemade cheese crackers with a Hug to drink

Diced ham;sliced orange;carrots with ranch dip; homemade pretzel and white chocolate cream with milk to drink

Turkey spinach and ranch roll-ups; a pickle; carrots with hummus dip;green grapes; peanut butter chocolate banana nilla  sandwiches with milk to drink

Chicken salad;broccoli spears;jello; banana peanut butter chocolate roll-ups; string cheese; crackers; pretzel sticks and milk to drink

I have had to rework the packing of the lunches a little due to the amount of space in the Pack-it. I already had all the things I needed so it wasn't that big of a deal. Better lunches all around!! The kids were excited when they took there new lunch boxes to school yesterday and gave a good report on them upon returning home.  When I emptied the pack-it's  of the food containers I was pleased that they were still quite cool on the inside. I am confidant that they kept the kids lunches better chilled then any other lunch box system we have used in the past and are well worth the money spent. 

      We have also added to our family recently. His name is Koda and he is an adorable ball of fur!

Koda with Hubby on adoption day

I was not expecting this little guy to join our family, but he has for better or worse and we are thankful to have him. Each of the girls has tried to claim Koda as their own, but Hubby is adamant that Koda belongs to him.

     We still have heard nothing as far as orders go for where/when we will be leaving the home we are in now. That hasn't really stopped the leasing company from renting it out already. That's right someone is slated to move into the house we are currently occupying on the 21st of this month. We have yet to give any sort of written notice or anything else. Oh the joy, but we are paid up through the end of September and are on a month to month lease until Hubby's orders come in. The new tenets are not my problem, they are the leasing companies problem. I understand the homeowners position is not one that they can afford a rent and a mortgage.. but this is a little out of hand. I have a peace that all of this will work out and will be praying for them and everyone else involved. 

    I have started pulling away. I have never been good at saying goodbye. That word seems so final to me. I can't remember the last time we went to a going away party in our honor. I think it would be too much. Everyone I meet and make friends with means so much to me.. not just for the time I am there, but always. I am selfish. I know. When I leave I don't want to say good bye. I would rather remember the last time I saw my friend both of us thinking that it wouldn't be long until we saw each other, laughed together, hugged or went shopping. I carry them all with me in my heart. I am thankful for Facebook and Twitter that keeps me connected with some of them and email that keeps me connected with others. I don't call like I should nor do I write. But I carry them with me. I am selfish and I hope that the ones I have left behind will forgive me. Hubby and I have made as many moves as years we have been married.. and that is a lot for anyone I think. So be patient with me. When we reach our new destination it may take me a while to come out of my shell once more, to make friends and become less of a hobbit. And if after a year or so I start to pull away, please understand that is what I have grown used to doing. It is not you, it is me. So fight for me.. or I may just pull away and say goodbye without anyone being the wiser, holing up in my house with hobbies and other busy things because that is what I have done. 

     Well, that is it for me today Dear Readers. Until next time, Be Blessed!

The Biggest Labor Day Party.. Atlanta Motor Speedway

     Let me start by saying that I wasn't a big NASCAR fan before last weekend. After experiencing a race with Hubby at the track.. lets just say things have changed. We started the weekend out a little early and dropped the kids off at my Dear Friend R's house. We had never left the kids for any great length of time before, but I  trust R explicitly and knew the kids would be in wonderful hands. Admittedly it was hard to leave them and R literally was pushing me out of the house. I almost cried a little. I think I had more separation issues then they did! Hubby came and picked me up Friday morning from my sister V's house. We left the truck and puppyboy with her. I was so excited I didn't know if I could eat on Thursday. After going to see V and her man B.. my niece M was there as well. I was settled enough to eat something. The excitement would have to wait just a bit longer.. I do get stir crazy when Hubby and the kids aren't around.
     Friday morning I woke up and was almost counting down the minutes until Hubby arrived. Hubby got into NASCAR when we were living in Idaho. Funny story about that is he didn't know what NASCAR was until he called Kasey Kahne's house to try and talked to his Mom about Kasey joining the Army. When Mrs. Kahne told Hubby her son was a NASCAR driver, Hubby thought she was just trying to blow him off the way some do. So Hubby looked up Kasey Kahne and NASCAR.. and a new race fan was born. Over the years I have sat through all the practices and races in the comfort of our home. When we moved to Ohio we became friends with a neighbor.. who works for Goodyear. Hubby has a ticket and hot pass ever since. I was excited for Labor Day weekend because I was finally going to dive into Hubby's Hobby, He had a smile plastered on his face every time he thought about it. I have a friend who lives in Georgia and hadn't seen her in a year, Hubby dropped me off at her house and went on to the races. It was nice to spend the day with just my friend S and I. I truly have missed her. Friday evening Hubby came to get me and after spending the night at the hotel.. we were ready to go to the race.

     I convinced Hubby to go to the Nationwide race in civilians. We bought Carl Edwards pit crew shirts and went on to enjoy the race. After buying the shirts (we immediately put them on), I needed to get my creditials. On the way over, Carl Edwards honked his truck horn at us.. so cool! After getting everything we needed we headed into the garage area. Then we stood outside the drivers encampment and were able to get some autographs and Hubby took a few pictures of some of the drivers, an owner and I.

How cool was that??

     After that is was practice, qualifying then the Nationwide race. One driver who sat and talked to Hubby for sometime at the Charlotte race was Travis Pastrana. You may know him from Nitro Circus. He and Hubby were swapping stories of Australia and the things they did while over there. Hubby of course with the Army and Travis with Nitro Circus. Before the start of the Nationwide race we were over by the pits and I was able to get a picture with Travis Pastrana!

     We then had to leave pit road and get settled for the race. It was so very different than watching it at home. I don't think I could fall asleep at a live race the way I can when it's on the t.v., ha!

After the race we were pressing to get close to Victory Lane. Then after an exhausting day it was time to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. 

     The next day was the Sprint Cup race. Hubby went in uniform and I tried to look "cute". We arrived at the track a little after lunch, and then it was game on. We did so many things I can barely remember all of them. Hubby took some pictures, but I really should have taken more. here are a few more:

After walking around for a bit I was able to convince Hubby to sit down and take a load off. We walked over to the Coca-Cola canteen and bought a snack.. then we were ushered into the drivers meeting..

After the drivers meeting there was a chapel service. It was hot and no one asked us to leave, so we stayed. Jamie Grace was there and shared her testimony, she also sang a few songs. I thought I might get star struck by the drivers.. but Hubby was struck enough for both of us. I was star struck with Jamie Grace. She is a wonderful singer and to hear her testimony of what God is doing in her life and all the things she has overcome. I was blessed, and crying. I did have the nerve to ask her for a picture with me..

     

I held it together until after the picture.. Hubby asked me why I was so star struck. It's hard to fully explain, but Jamie Grace has some songs that just bless, lift me up and remind me of the hope that I have. It still boggles my mind that I was able to meet her. She is so pleasantly kind! 

After the drivers meeting and the chapel service, we headed back outside and headed out for driver introductions. Hubby still wanted to get a few autographs and I was happy to tag along with him. When it was time for the starting ceremonies, Hubby and I stood out on the track.. then he was on t.v. during the National Anthem. When it was time to clear the track Hubby and I headed back to pit road. Once there we met a wonderful couple , J and A. J is a wounded warrior, A is his wonderful wife. The four of us hit it off! After meeting J and A we were asked to join them in the pit box..

 And this was our view for the first couple laps of the race..

It was loud to say the least.. but to Hubby it was like Christmas in September. There were so many things we were able to do, sitting in the pit box during the Sprint Cup race was one of the many highlights of the day. A and I were going a little deaf from the noise and convinced the guys to walk around for a bit. We all ended up in the Coor's R.V. and then headed over to Dale Jr's and listened to the radio. The guys decided to go back to the pits, so A and I finally got to talk to each other. It was refreshing to talk to someone who was going through something very similar to Hubby and I. When the guys returned they looked like two kids who bought out the candy store! The race was close to the finish, so we all went to the Victory Lane area. Once there the guys asked if they could get in.. then the four of us were ushered into Victory Lane. To top off an already thrilling day for Hubby, his driver won! I can't begin to describe how elated he was to be in Victory Lane when his driver won the Sprint Cup race.

At the end of the night.. I could see on Hubby's face and feel the joy leaching out of him. I am ever so grateful for this experience. I won't forget it and I am confidant Hubby won't either. 

Until next time dear readers.. be blessed and if you ever go to a race, buy the good sunscreen!

  

The Times They Are A Changing

     Hubby went to see a full bird colonel this morning to talk about his future. He and I were a bit trepidatious about the exchange as we both knew how it would be determining our immediate and foreseeable future. Turns out we needed not to be so concerned. The Colonel actually berated Hubby for the amount of work he has been doing and further stated that he should be scaling back on his work load instead of taking so much on. What this all means for us of course is that Hubby will be transferring out of USAREC as of September of this year. He will be transferring to an Army's Wounded Warrior Transitioning Unit (AW2TU). We don't know yet where he will be stationed, it will be one of three places two are in Georgia and the other here in South Carolina. Fortunately the kids and I will go where he goes. We had heard previously that this wouldn't be the case and I am very pleased that I can continue to love and support Hubby where ever the Army takes us. It would be nice to stay in S.C., as my family is here and so are the many friends I have been able to reconnect with from High School. But where ever we go I am confidant that is where we are supposed to be. I am praying that we stay in S.C. though (smile).
     One of the good things about the AW2TU is that Hubby will no longer have the stress or pressures that he has dealt with for the past 12 years. All he will be required to do from my understanding is go to his Dr appointments, go through all the processes needed and so forth. I am sure there is going to be much more, but as far as what he is doing now and his responsibilities later.. big difference.  The AW2TU is there to help Army personnel who are wounded in the transition into civilian life. From what I understand the one of the biggest pluses to this is that Hubby will be bumped to the front of the list at the VA, and when he retires he will have a shorter wait time to receive his benefits then otherwise.
     I told the kids that we were going to be moving soon, and I need to sort through many things to get ready for the movers. I haven't told them how soon, but a month into school and we will be relocating. Thankfully it will only be a month into the school year. It is easier to transfer and make new friends early in the school year then later.  With moving comes many an upheaval. There will be utilities to turn off and final bills to pay. School and Pediatrician  records to collect. Then there is all the other stuff. Thankfully the Army will pay movers to once again come, pack up our things and haul them all away. I was thinking today about all the things I will be saying goodbye to. This time it won't just be the friends, church and community. I will be saying goodbye to the life my big little family and I have known for almost 11 years. The last ATC we went to was the last one we will ever go to, going to a new company and starting up the FRG, proudly saying that Hubby is the Station Commander. There is so much in this chapter of our lives that is coming to a close. But that only means that a new chapter is beginning.
     I am not sure where this new chapter is going to take us, nor what new friends we will make along the way. I am confidant that it will be an adventure. Hubby will be the bread winner to an extent, but then I will be pitching in as well. In a way our roles will reverse and we will navigate these new waters together. I am so thankful for Hubby. I know that he calls me his "rock" but to be honest, he is as much mine as I am his.  
     Until next time Dear Readers, Be Blessed.

Happy Birthday America!

     The USA was born a free nation 236 years ago today. Since then countless military members and their families have sacrificed for the freedoms of many. What the many fail to realize is that military members give up their freedoms to uphold those of others. America has remained a free nation because of the brave men and women who are willing to stand in the gap and fight for that freedom.  Members of different political parties are all too willing to sign those freedoms away to appease the proverbial squeaky wheel of the few, in the name of being politically correct.
    The founding fathers were not being politically correct when they signed the Deceleration of Independence, nor were they being politically correct when they rebelled against the king of England. The one desire they had was that people would have the ability to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In the past few years, if you have really been paying attention more and more of our freedoms are being taken away. Yet fewer and fewer it seems even mind that it's happening. Who we elect in office on all levels state and federal does make a difference and if you don't like what is happening you have the ability to change it. So many have fought for our freedoms and rights, yet so many of us are willingly throwing them away. So wake up. 
    Freedom is not something that we were born with. It is a privilege that was sacrificed dearly and fought hard for. We as an older generation are the caretakers of the next generations freedom. It was entrusted to us to make better for them, not to squander. Too often I have heard about personal rights. It is true, we all have many personal rights, but our rights end where another persons begin. A quick example: my neighbors have the right to throw a party at their house, they do not have the right to be so loud that they keep my family from sleeping. See how that works? We as american's have freedom to do so much, yet I wonder what we are doing with those freedoms.
     Yesterday Goosie asked me why the 4th of July was so important. I was surprised that she had yet to learn about it in school, as it is the most important day in our nation's history. I sat her down and went over Columbus, why we celebrate Thanksgiving, suppression under the King and what our Founding Fathers did. I also told her what Hubby's job really was, what so many in our military do. They protect our freedom, our way of life.. so few are willing to stand in the gap for freedom. Yet brave men and women do it everyday when they put on their uniform, lace up their boots and answer the call to arms. So many families have sacrificed much so that we as a nation can shoot off fireworks, grill burgers/ hot dogs and if your not careful forget. 
     Today we will make a birthday cake, grill out hot dogs, slice up and eat a watermelon. We will enjoy fireworks set to a symphony and in my heart I will remember. I will never forget, I will ingrain being a patriot into my children, tell them the story of the birth of our nation. Freedom isn't free, the lives lost from each generation pay the price of that freedom and I refuse to forget how much others have done for me. Until next time dear readers.. Be Blessed. Happy Birthday America.. the nation of the free because of the brave!

Changes

Hubby was listening to a play list the other day and on it was the song Landslide. It got me thinking; I have had a number of good intentions, but good intentions don't get you far. Only purposefully doing something will get you anywhere. To make up your mind to be intentional about changing your situation or surroundings is the only way they will every change. So, there are some changes I have been leery of making that are past due in their time.  I have been leery honestly not because of fear, more due to just putting off till tomorrow what I should do today. Something I have felt conviction over lately is my personal time with Heavenly Father. I honestly don't take time. I think my day is full and there is too much on my plate, I rationalize telling myself that He see's all that I have going on, he understands.
But when I really sit back and think about it, I am cheating him of the one thing he asks of me. I am ashamed. So now I have a plan. Last summer I bought a book, my intention was to read it and pray daily for Hubby. Pray over every aspect of his person. I failed. I only reached chapter 12. I also had wanted to read my Bible daily as it is a wonderful way to grow, be renewed and refreshed. I didn't get far with that either. You see I fell into the trap that I think many good intentioned people fall into. I have a great idea, I even start it. But at some point, I stop. Claiming that life just got too busy or something else. Never really owning up to it. So this is me, owning up to my short comings. Those good intentions that only got so far. I don't want to be a woman of good intentions I want to be a woman of character, of worth.
So this is me making a public statement of commitment to read a chapter of Proverbs every day, there are 31 chapters so I should be able to read through the book every month. I also want to go through that book and pray for a different aspect of Hubby everyday over the course of a month, there are 30 prayers. I want to make a change, I want to be the change in my little family. I am not saying that we are at the brink of badness, but there is always room for improvement. And I want to show my children that intentions don't make the person, but follow through and dedication does. Lead by example. I haven't been the best leader, there is room for change and improvement. I pray that God would direct my path so that my family can draw closer to him. Until next time dear readers, be blessed.