5 Quick Takes

Five things. Five things I can take away from this week and learn from. Reflection, that is something I need to do more of. So much happens so fast that it is hard to keep up. I thought about writing down the overwhelming emotions when they happen, so that I could process them later. But that is a lot of work. So, instead I will start with five things. Five things that have happened this week.

     One:  Sometimes it is hard to stay awake past nine o'clock.I have to face it that those long nights are over..but the early mornings are not. I started a new position at work and with it came new hours. So it is now an eight to four-thirty day instead of the eight-thirty to five. That half hour in the morning is noticeable, let me tell you! Now its up and at it starting at 6 instead of 630! I have three kids to get off to school and then traffic to pray though before eight am!! After an almost eight hour day on the job, it is home for a quick dinner and then whatever plans we have for the night. I get tired.

Yep, that about sums it up.

     Two: Hubby. Last month Hubby started going back to college. He is a full time student and I am very proud of him. He is close to the end of the first semester and has a B+ average. I would say that is not bad for someone who hasn't been to school since before he was twenty. There are challenges when it comes to being a college student, One of which is the course work, the other for Hubby is the responsibilities at home. I am confident however that Hubby will do more than succeed, he will triumph!

     Three: Oh the three little ones that run around the house. There is so much life in them. Goosie is a talented singer and is learning to play the clarinet. Miniman is in Boy Scouts and is learning so much. He is quite the responsible young man! Bittybit is well, my Bittybit. She expresses herself quite well and can be over dramatic. Over all they keep Hubby and I going. 

     Four: There is oh so much to do and so little time to do it all. When I started working full time there are things that have slipped to the side. I want to keep up with the meal planning, exciting not planned outings and all the energy to keep the house looking like we don't live there. The honest truth is that we do live here, in this beautiful house. There are meals made in the kitchen, movies watched in the living room, instruments practiced in the piano room and children thriving in their rooms.  I would like to thing that if a house could tell a story about what it's occupants are like; ours would claim not to be a house, but a home.

     Five: Last year my brother-in-law D started a church plant. Since then it has been our church home. Hubby and I have grown a good bit while attending, and the children have as well. Each week I feel challenged and encouraged on the way home. Through out the week with the bible studies we attend and the various  relationships we have made with others; I feel like we are each in a place of belonging. I am blessed to be a part of this young and growing church. I do feel the call to do more, and one day when it is time I hope to do the things that have been laid on my heart to do. Until then I will keep trusting and waiting, looking at what I can learn from each experience and lean on Heavenly Father for it all.

    Well, that is it for me dear Readers. It is past my bed time, I hope you are all able to find peace and rest as you end the day. I pray that tomorrow you will be greeted with a reminder of how much you are loved. 

Love and Marriage

         Marriage has been on my heart lately. Not just because I am married.. more because there is so much that I don't understand but fully appreciate about it. Hubby and I have been together for 13 years. Most days it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like I have known him all my life. 
There have been ups and there have been downs. Sometimes the ups out number the downs, other times the downs seem overwhelming. In the military I have seen many relationships. Some have been more grounded then others. While I have admired the relationships of others, I am ever grateful for mine. I wanted to write a little about that, and hope that you will bare with me,

          Hubby and I have a wonderful working relationship. Last year he and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. My wonderful sister N sent us an anniversary card:

Love is not for sisses. Love is not all music and moonlight and romance.

Love, real love takes work. it takes patience and courage and commitment.

real love- the kind that makes two people make as promise as big as " I DO"-

isn't easy. but if anything in life is worth the effort, it's Real Love. 

and if anyone deserves that kind of LOVE it's the two of you.

I was brought to tears. My sisters have had an almost front row seat to my marriage. There is much and more they don't know. We have had our trials and difficult situations. Through it all Hubby and I have been openly honest with each other. Hubby is my best friend and we tell each other almost everything. Almost, because there are somethings we choose to keep private. 

     I had many insecurities in the beginning. There was so much baggage that I brought into this relationship with because of my past. I remember the anxiety and the fear I had. That I would not measure up to some imagined vision of what a wife really was.  I admired the wives portrayed in the 50's. These surly were women that had it all together. I held myself to that standard for sometime. Hubby would come home from work and I would have dinner waiting. In the beginning the house would be clean, and once he came home there was nothing he had to do but relax. Then the children came, and the housework took a back seat to being a parent. I regretted the digression from having a neat and orderly house, to one of chaos and clutter. Then Hubby would remind me that he likes the home we have, and doesn't miss the house we used to.

     

        I say all of this because so much of it ties into our marriage. Marriage is so much more than rainbows and butterflies. It is hard work that unless you have a great partner, it is tough to stay afloat. I can honestly say that Hubby loves me as Christ loves the Church. I know that he would do anything for me including laying down his life. Hubby has a chronic pain condition and it seeps into every part of our relationship. The simple overwhelming fact that he gets up everyday and makes an intentional effort to be a part of our families lives is amazing to me. Hubby doesn't give into the pain or the other baggage that threatens to take him away from us. He fights with every moment to be here, in the present. 

          This last year form 12 to 13 has been a difficult one. Years ago when Hubby had open spinal surgery I leaned on Heavenly Father just to breathe, I thought that I was close. But as life and little things do it got in the way and I drifted. Heavenly Father still watched and guided me, in all honesty I drifted away. Towards the end of the year things got rough. I could see how our relationship had deteriorated and that our children were suffering. Hubby went into the hospital as a last ditch effort to save his life and our marriage. Then I got a call. It was horrific. The nurse told me that Hubby almost died. I felt a black hole open up in my chest,  everything I had ever dreamed was getting sucked in and I was bereft. I have never felt so alone. I went to see an artist friend of mine S. I wanted a new tattoo. Something to remind me that this fight for Hubby's life is not over, that although I married Hubby, he does not belong to me, I asked my friend: " What do I do now?" S just looked at me and said " You go home and be the best Mom you can be for your kids, Don't worry about him, He is going to get the help he needs" . So I went home, On the way I called my brother in law D. I asked him to pray and I asked for his advise. D told me that I had to give all of Hubby to God. Every part of our marriage. All of the emotions and memories, all the hopes and dreams of the future and I would have to do so repeatedly. In angry bitter tears I thanked him and hung up. The drive home was difficult; I screamed, I cried, I begged. I prayed. I found peace; then came joy. It was still going to be hard, but I was confidant that  heavenly Father was going to see me through. When I got home I had the strength to do the best I could for the kids. 

         Hubby cam home about a week later. I have had the humble privilege of watching a change take over him. Our relationship changed, his walk with Heavenly Father changed, the way he parents the children beside me changed. There has been much change in the past 6 months. Recently when we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We had a Marriage Encounter one weekend, that one weekend changed everything again. There is an intimacy now in our relationship that did not exist before. There is a security and celebration not only in our commitment to each other, but in the welcoming of Heavenly Father in our marriage. I am humbled and excited to see where this road will take us. I am also more determined than before that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and His plan is far better then anything we could ever conceive .  

           Many times I wake in the morning with a song of praise on my lips, thankfulness in my heart and an excitement to discover what will happen next. There are other times admittedly that I awaken to a much somber emotion. However, I have learned that no matter the mood in which I greet the day, Heavenly Father will change my heart, if I humbly ask him to. There are so many ways that I see Heavenly Father's love though out my day. I encourage you dear readers to look, listen and be still. At times it is in the midst of the chaos that you will find peace. Be blessed.