I gave birth to my third child a little over a week ago, she is beautiful! The birth experience was one of the best I have had. My Mom was able to be there and assisted me when my Hubby was home caring for our other two children. I had always wondered when someone knew they were done having kids. I am there. I am not guessing I am there, I know I am there. I don't want any more children.
Yes, my kids are the light of both mine and Hubby's life. But I don't see anymore in our future. At least not biological ones. We are still planning on becoming foster parents and possibly adopting later. Just not for a while. We have three. Our eldest is a girl (Goosie), stuck in the middle is our son (MiniMan) and then lastly another girl (Flutterby). I really like that we have had them in this order. Each of our children have a special place in the family. Hubby jokes that our son will have it made when they are all older. MiniMan will have his choice (per-say) of both his older sisters friends and his younger sisters friends.
We are still adjusting to life with three children. It is mostly just reminding MiniMan that he has to be gentle with baby sister. Goosie is an awesome big sister to Flutterby and always wants to hold her. Goosie gets upset if we don't let her hold Flutterby for a while.
Goosie is also becoming more and more of a big girl! She wanted her nails painted today. I told her that if she stayed still she could have colors on her fingers and her toes! She stayed put until I was done with all the polish. Then after we made sure it was all dry she got up to show Daddy what a big girl she was! Goosie is 100% girl! She wants to play dress-up, paint her nails, sing silly songs and no one can replace Daddy. She hoards him from me! I half wonder what I am going to do as Flutterby gets older. But I know that the most important hing for a little girl is to fall in love with her Daddy. After all MiniMan is infatuated with me!
After having MiniMan, I knew I wanted at least one more. I wanted Goosie to have a sister. I have 7 sisters and for the most part have a good relationship with all of them. Sure there are some that I am closer to then others. But all of us sisters get along with each other well. I knew that relationship was something I wanted for my daughter. I wanted her to have a friend who she could grow up with and that when they got older they would have a relationship unlike any other in their adult lives. Sure my sisters had a lot to do with wanting my Goosie to have a sister, but it was one more then the others that really nailed it down so to speak.
V is my best sister. I say that she is my best sister, because she has been my best friend for so long and yet she is my sister. The relationship I share with her is what I want for my girls. My two beautiful girls. I want so much for them, and I know that Hubby does too. But I know that three is enough for me. I feel like my little family is complete. I have a handsome son, and two beautiful daughters. My hubby is still in love with me and I feel I am blessed beyond all measure. I only wish everyone could feel as blessed as I do.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
MiniMan... Stuck in the Middle
Zaines Blues" src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f120/selahbelle/sumer07027.jpg" border=0> This is my MiniMan, he is about a year old in this picture. It is also one of my favorites. His eyes are so big and beautiful, they stand out more then anything. He is so sweet. And he joined our little family when his sister was only 22 months old. He is all boy, and has been from the start. He also loves his momma. He reminds me so much of his Daddy at times it breaks my heart (but in a good way). From the moment he was born I knew that other then his Daddy this was the one male who could break my heart forever.
When we found out baby would be a boy I started praying for his future spouse. After all, she will be one of the most important people in his life. Including all of his girlfriends, that will shape him after he no longer listens to me. Each time he holds my hand I cant help but think of how big they will become and how one day he will tower over me. His smile, at times brings tears to my eyes. And he is all boy. Anything that has to do with cars, trucks, trains, and dirt he is already into! He enjoys antagonizing his older sister and I don't think he is ready to be a big brother. He is still so much my baby. It is hard to think that Goosie was the age he is now when she became a big sister.
I wonder what type of man he will become, but as I look across the room at his Daddy, I know that he will be a good man. An outstanding man who others can look up to and want to be like. My Miniman will be a grown man one day and he will leave me behind as all son's leave their mothers. And I know I will be proud of him. It will break my heart when he gets his heart broken for the first time, and it will soar with his as he marries his true love. When he becomes a Daddy I know I will cry and pray that in all the years I had him, he would know what being a parent means.
My son, he lights up my life and I admit I give into him more then I give into anyone. He just has to look at me with those beautiful eyes and I am at a loss, his Daddy does that to me too. MiniMan, stuck in the middle of two sisters. Hubby says it is the best place for him to be because he will have the picks of his sisters friends. I just don't know how his sisters will take that when they are all older.
Goosie.....First born
Photobucket src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f120/selahbelle/cutestuff.jpg" border=0>
This is my Goose!
She was about 20 months old in this picture and it is one of my favorites. Goosie is our first born. She entered the world in 2004, just 17 months into our marriage. I was convinced that I was going to have a Boy. But God had other plans in mind for us. Hubby has gone through a lot in his life and has seen many things thanks to his career in the US ARMY. There were things he had not told me about that he went through and he needed healing from those past hurts. God put Goosie in our lives to heal some of those hurts.
As a first time mom I remember being scared and since Hubby was so involved in her little life, he was more of a parent then I was. I also remember feeling like I was only there to make sure she ate. Hubby did everything else. He is such a hands on parent. They have always had a connection and I was envious of it for the longest time. I went through a spout of postpartum depression and had thoughts of running away or hurting myself on an almost daily basis. I was scared to get any medical help and didn't say anything to anyone. I was still experiencing postpartum until Goosie was about a year old.
Our marriage was the start of our little family and Goosie was just the first addition. She is now almost four and still the light of our lives. She is such a bright little star and is so smart it truly scares me sometimes. She is all the things I was at her age according to my parents and sisters. But to me she is so very much more. I want things for her that I didn't really have. And there are somethings I envy her for.
She is just starting out and I can already see her creativity, sensitivity, earnestness and all the things I see in Hubby and myself that are good. But I also see how much she is ours. There are traits she has that I could swear she hasn't learned. But rather she was born to. She is ours and we love her dearly. I am proud to have her as my daughter as she reminds me that there is still so much life out there and so much to explore. I want for her to have a good life with good friends and close family. I pray everyday that I am the mother she needs me to be.
For those of you friends and family who haven't seen her in a little while here is an updated picture:
This is my Goose!
She was about 20 months old in this picture and it is one of my favorites. Goosie is our first born. She entered the world in 2004, just 17 months into our marriage. I was convinced that I was going to have a Boy. But God had other plans in mind for us. Hubby has gone through a lot in his life and has seen many things thanks to his career in the US ARMY. There were things he had not told me about that he went through and he needed healing from those past hurts. God put Goosie in our lives to heal some of those hurts.
As a first time mom I remember being scared and since Hubby was so involved in her little life, he was more of a parent then I was. I also remember feeling like I was only there to make sure she ate. Hubby did everything else. He is such a hands on parent. They have always had a connection and I was envious of it for the longest time. I went through a spout of postpartum depression and had thoughts of running away or hurting myself on an almost daily basis. I was scared to get any medical help and didn't say anything to anyone. I was still experiencing postpartum until Goosie was about a year old.
Our marriage was the start of our little family and Goosie was just the first addition. She is now almost four and still the light of our lives. She is such a bright little star and is so smart it truly scares me sometimes. She is all the things I was at her age according to my parents and sisters. But to me she is so very much more. I want things for her that I didn't really have. And there are somethings I envy her for.
She is just starting out and I can already see her creativity, sensitivity, earnestness and all the things I see in Hubby and myself that are good. But I also see how much she is ours. There are traits she has that I could swear she hasn't learned. But rather she was born to. She is ours and we love her dearly. I am proud to have her as my daughter as she reminds me that there is still so much life out there and so much to explore. I want for her to have a good life with good friends and close family. I pray everyday that I am the mother she needs me to be.
For those of you friends and family who haven't seen her in a little while here is an updated picture:
Friday, April 4, 2008
Mouring the Loss... of those I never knew
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/pa-town-mourns-10-fire-victims/n20080404184909990007
I read the story above and found myself in absolute tears. To loose so many over such a short amount of time and all but one just starting out in life. my condolences go out to the survivors and prayers to a man who lost so very much.
An 11 month old and a 4 month old were the youngest victims and it rips my heart out to think of the promising lives they just started. It takes my breath away.
There are many who would look at this situation and ask why God would allow such a thing to happen. I don't have an answer to that, but I can say that God allows things to happen in our lives to make us into what we are meant to be. I cant think of anything that could be good coming out of this. It reminds me of the book of Job. So much befell this man and yet he still kept his relationship open with the Lord. I personally could not imagine coming home and feeling helpless as I watch my family, and my house burn to the ground. There is so much that I think we as people and as Americans take for granted. Our freedoms, our right to pursue happiness, and all of the blessing so bestowed on us as individuals and as a nation.
I know that my family is young, we are just starting out. Our third will be here in a week at the latest. but there are so many things I am grateful for. I am grateful that I have a loving husband who not only looks out for us as a family, but also as individuals. I am more then confident that there is nothing he wouldn't do for the four of us. My daughter (Goosie) is so wonderful and smart as a whip! There is nothing that you can get past her. My Miniman is all boy and I am so thankful for it. He gets into anything he can and antagonizes his sister when ever he gets a chance. And our arriving soon Flutterby. I cant wait to meet her. She already is so different from her siblings. I am surrounded by blessings everyday and cant imagine my life without them . To even imagine where this man is right now, let alone his two surviving children.. I have no words.
Just thinking that his surviving daughter was the mother of the 4 month old baby.... oh the loss.
They have words in the English language, titles if you will, for those who have lost a spouse they are widowed, for those who have lost a parent they are Orphaned. But there are no words for those who lost a child. The only word that could even bring a meaning, even though it would be in the smallest measure is Bereaved. If you have been able to get this far, count your blessings, hold them close. Call and remind your friends and loved ones how much they mean to you. Don't leave your significant others side angry or with harsh words. Remember in wonderment what it felt like to realize you had fallen in love with them, the first time. Don't cut yourself off from those around you, you never know when you may need a helping hand. Smile daily, laugh consistently, and remind yourself no matter how lonely or alone you may feel that some one is thinking of you and you may not even know it. You are loved, but someone may not have the confidence to show it. You are one in an infinity of people and you matter. Without you and your contribution to the world (no matter how small you may think it is) someone would not be here.
Just some thoughts.
I read the story above and found myself in absolute tears. To loose so many over such a short amount of time and all but one just starting out in life. my condolences go out to the survivors and prayers to a man who lost so very much.
An 11 month old and a 4 month old were the youngest victims and it rips my heart out to think of the promising lives they just started. It takes my breath away.
There are many who would look at this situation and ask why God would allow such a thing to happen. I don't have an answer to that, but I can say that God allows things to happen in our lives to make us into what we are meant to be. I cant think of anything that could be good coming out of this. It reminds me of the book of Job. So much befell this man and yet he still kept his relationship open with the Lord. I personally could not imagine coming home and feeling helpless as I watch my family, and my house burn to the ground. There is so much that I think we as people and as Americans take for granted. Our freedoms, our right to pursue happiness, and all of the blessing so bestowed on us as individuals and as a nation.
I know that my family is young, we are just starting out. Our third will be here in a week at the latest. but there are so many things I am grateful for. I am grateful that I have a loving husband who not only looks out for us as a family, but also as individuals. I am more then confident that there is nothing he wouldn't do for the four of us. My daughter (Goosie) is so wonderful and smart as a whip! There is nothing that you can get past her. My Miniman is all boy and I am so thankful for it. He gets into anything he can and antagonizes his sister when ever he gets a chance. And our arriving soon Flutterby. I cant wait to meet her. She already is so different from her siblings. I am surrounded by blessings everyday and cant imagine my life without them . To even imagine where this man is right now, let alone his two surviving children.. I have no words.
Just thinking that his surviving daughter was the mother of the 4 month old baby.... oh the loss.
They have words in the English language, titles if you will, for those who have lost a spouse they are widowed, for those who have lost a parent they are Orphaned. But there are no words for those who lost a child. The only word that could even bring a meaning, even though it would be in the smallest measure is Bereaved. If you have been able to get this far, count your blessings, hold them close. Call and remind your friends and loved ones how much they mean to you. Don't leave your significant others side angry or with harsh words. Remember in wonderment what it felt like to realize you had fallen in love with them, the first time. Don't cut yourself off from those around you, you never know when you may need a helping hand. Smile daily, laugh consistently, and remind yourself no matter how lonely or alone you may feel that some one is thinking of you and you may not even know it. You are loved, but someone may not have the confidence to show it. You are one in an infinity of people and you matter. Without you and your contribution to the world (no matter how small you may think it is) someone would not be here.
Just some thoughts.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Of Hamsters, Heartburn and Babies...
So Hubby went out the other day with our little Goosie (our daughter) and they came home with a Hamster. She is a cute little thing, but she is also knocked up. So we will have Hamster babies sometime in the near future. No problem here, so long as I don't have to clean up after the little animal. I have enough on my plate.
I am at the last 9 days of pregnancy and am wishing it were over and baby Flutterby (another daughter) were already in my arms. She was in a frank breech position (butt down) but then she turned on her own and is now kicking me in the stomach (literally) and I get heartburn from the oddest things. Don't get me wrong I don't want her to come until she is ready, but I am ready already. We just have to put the car-seat in the van and we are good to go! I am just a little concerned that she could turn back to a breech position and I could end up with a c-section. I really don't want one of those! This is baby #3 and I have enough to do without someone telling me I can't do a bunch of stuff b/c I had major surgery. And yes, it is major surgery! How often would someone cut into not only your skin, but muscle and then a uterus, hold it all back and pull out an infant. I know that the c-section rate in the US is high, but I would prefer not to be part of that percentage unless it is absolutely necessary. I have a Dr's appt today and hopefully will get things rolling naturally. That is the plan anyway.
Now for the babies. I know that I already have two out of the womb and this will make number three, but honestly will people stop being rude! I wouldn't be having a third baby if we couldn't afford it, emotionally, financially and otherwise. I mean just because it has become the "norm" to not have more then two kids unless you are rich, insane, or don't mind spending a good amount of time on WIC or Welfare. Doesn't mean that Hubby and I have to stop at two. We love our children and don't depend on any type of government assistance (or state) to keep our family healthy. We are not wealthy by any means, but we get by and as for the sanity question... I think we are all a little insane, it is what makes this world bearable. So before someone looks at me and judges me for the amount of children I have or the job my Hubby holds down, just remember if all the women in the world stopped at two kids, we would be poorly populated and at least in the US social security would stop working!
I am at the last 9 days of pregnancy and am wishing it were over and baby Flutterby (another daughter) were already in my arms. She was in a frank breech position (butt down) but then she turned on her own and is now kicking me in the stomach (literally) and I get heartburn from the oddest things. Don't get me wrong I don't want her to come until she is ready, but I am ready already. We just have to put the car-seat in the van and we are good to go! I am just a little concerned that she could turn back to a breech position and I could end up with a c-section. I really don't want one of those! This is baby #3 and I have enough to do without someone telling me I can't do a bunch of stuff b/c I had major surgery. And yes, it is major surgery! How often would someone cut into not only your skin, but muscle and then a uterus, hold it all back and pull out an infant. I know that the c-section rate in the US is high, but I would prefer not to be part of that percentage unless it is absolutely necessary. I have a Dr's appt today and hopefully will get things rolling naturally. That is the plan anyway.
Now for the babies. I know that I already have two out of the womb and this will make number three, but honestly will people stop being rude! I wouldn't be having a third baby if we couldn't afford it, emotionally, financially and otherwise. I mean just because it has become the "norm" to not have more then two kids unless you are rich, insane, or don't mind spending a good amount of time on WIC or Welfare. Doesn't mean that Hubby and I have to stop at two. We love our children and don't depend on any type of government assistance (or state) to keep our family healthy. We are not wealthy by any means, but we get by and as for the sanity question... I think we are all a little insane, it is what makes this world bearable. So before someone looks at me and judges me for the amount of children I have or the job my Hubby holds down, just remember if all the women in the world stopped at two kids, we would be poorly populated and at least in the US social security would stop working!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Family Dynamics
So I haven't written anything in a while. I have honestly been busy with my other hobbies. That and I am also getting ready for baby number 3's arrival (which should be in about a week).
I have been thinking a lot lately about family. Not only about the one I am helping to create, but also the one I grew up in. There are many things that have changed over the years and some that I wish hadn't. As I become re-acquainted with my sisters and their families, I realize how different we all are from each other.
Some of us are neat freaks with everything in it's place and a place for everything. Others are a little more then dis-shevled, as life gets in the way of keeping house. But we all came from the same parents. While some eat out at every meal possible, others will cook before thinking of ordering takeout. Thus the dynamic of us visiting each other is changed dramatically and what is at times taken for granted in our own homes is the exception in others.
We all are learning to live and let live. With all of us being so different, we also find ourselves feeding off of each other in an unhealthy sense. While we would be more then happy to point out the flaws in each other to each other, no one is really doing anything to promote change in the dynamic of our relationships. The older girls are still revered somewhat as the older girls. The younger girls are still looked at as somewhat inexperienced and lacking.
There are many things the older girls have seen that never touched the younger girls. Just as there are things that the younger girls dealt with that the older girls never even noticed. There is still a defining age difference with my family. I don't know if I will ever be seen as more then what my birth number places me as. But the same can be said of my sisters.
So now I think of my growing little family. I have two daughters and a son smack dab in the middle of the two girls. I wonder if my children will grow up with the same ideals and thoughts I did. Will they feel out of place in our family, will they bicker and argue over the little things that in the end don't really matter. Or will they appreciate one another and encourage each other, building each other up if nothing else because they are family. I know that the answer to the last question is " Not until they are older and can look back and see how much their family means". But hey my kids are still young and I can wonder all I want!
I have been thinking a lot lately about family. Not only about the one I am helping to create, but also the one I grew up in. There are many things that have changed over the years and some that I wish hadn't. As I become re-acquainted with my sisters and their families, I realize how different we all are from each other.
Some of us are neat freaks with everything in it's place and a place for everything. Others are a little more then dis-shevled, as life gets in the way of keeping house. But we all came from the same parents. While some eat out at every meal possible, others will cook before thinking of ordering takeout. Thus the dynamic of us visiting each other is changed dramatically and what is at times taken for granted in our own homes is the exception in others.
We all are learning to live and let live. With all of us being so different, we also find ourselves feeding off of each other in an unhealthy sense. While we would be more then happy to point out the flaws in each other to each other, no one is really doing anything to promote change in the dynamic of our relationships. The older girls are still revered somewhat as the older girls. The younger girls are still looked at as somewhat inexperienced and lacking.
There are many things the older girls have seen that never touched the younger girls. Just as there are things that the younger girls dealt with that the older girls never even noticed. There is still a defining age difference with my family. I don't know if I will ever be seen as more then what my birth number places me as. But the same can be said of my sisters.
So now I think of my growing little family. I have two daughters and a son smack dab in the middle of the two girls. I wonder if my children will grow up with the same ideals and thoughts I did. Will they feel out of place in our family, will they bicker and argue over the little things that in the end don't really matter. Or will they appreciate one another and encourage each other, building each other up if nothing else because they are family. I know that the answer to the last question is " Not until they are older and can look back and see how much their family means". But hey my kids are still young and I can wonder all I want!
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