When the rains in life come, choose to dance. When dancing you feel free and afterwards are exhausted. Dance in the rain. ~DBarker1422 (Twitter)
When I look back on the last ten years of my relationship with Hubby. I can remember a lot of dancing. Not really with him, he doesn't dance. More with Heavenly Father as the storms in life have come up. Some would say it would be easier sometimes to pretend the rain isn't falling. To put up an umbrella, stamp my feet and shout that " I am still dry, it's not raining!!". In the end, it would just rain more, I would have to go over a lesson a few times rather than paying attention and getting it on the first go.
At five months pregnant with Goosie, I had the triple test done. The results came back that my sweet baby had a high chance of being born with open Spina Bifida. I was 24 and heartbroken. I also did what I tend to do when I am overwhelmed, I call someone and ask them to pray with me. This time I called my brother-in-law D. After praying together on the phone (he in SC and I in WA). I felt a peace come over me. From that point on I knew that no matter what my "babylove" would be okay. I also had confidence that no matter how she came out, we would be able to be the parents she needed us to be. Shortly after the test results, we were given the option of another ultrasound and an amniocentesis. The amniocentesis is a medical procedure where a long needle is inserted through the abdomen, into the uterus and amniotic fluid is extracted for testing. There is a chance of preterm labor and we didn't see the point of taking a risk, no matter how small the Dr's said it would be. You can find more information here. So we declined the test and were referred to a counselor for genetic testing. We sat in a small office on an Army Base and were told our choices. What the insurance would pay for and what it wouldn't. When Hubby and I emerged I think both of us were all the more determined not to let any one in the medical community tell us what we could and couldn't do. We were going to trust in God and God alone. The pregnancy continued, almost text book. Then at forty weeks and one day my water broke and we headed to the hospital. I wasn't progressing the way the Dr felt I should, and ended up being induced. Goosie was born full term and perfect She had a 9 on her first APGAR and a 10 on her second. Goosie was healthy and whole, God danced me through that storm.
Goosie's first birthday, I will never forget. It was the start of a second storm. Hubby had been placed on a new medication that was supposed to help with his pain management. The Dr. didn't dose Hubby correctly, so that morning Hubby woke up with a plan, he had it rationalized/justified and he was just waiting. I tried to keep the day normal for Goosie. But after hours of convincing I took Hubby into the hospital, he was admitted and I could not see him for 48 hours. I remember placing Goosie in her car-seat, latching everything in place and climbing into the drivers seat. I felt an overwhelming depression try to take over me. After all, we had just moved. I had yet to make any friends, find a church home or even be introduced to the Command. I sat there in my car and prayed. I prayed that God would take hold of Hubby, I claimed his life.. and not just any life but abundant life. Even after knowing what Hubby had on his mind to do, I knew that wasn't what God had planned for him. So I prayed, I drove home and prayed. The time that Hubby spent in the hospital I curled up with our sweet Goosie and sang her to sleep each night. I prayed comfort over her, myself and Hubby. I also had a peace. Before I was finished driving out of the parking garage.. I was overwhelmed with rolls of peace flooding my soul. When Hubby was released things went back to our kind of normal, a little while later we discovered that our family was going to grow again.. abundant life. God danced me through that storm as well.
We went years without big storms. Sure there were the everyday ones that seem so small and insignificant. I know that God walked me through those. The next big storm came when Miniman was 4. We were at a friends house sharing lunch and making the girls Easter dresses, when my friend came in and told me that something was wrong with Miniman. I went in to check on him and my worst fear was soon confirmed. Miniman was having a migraine. And not just any migraine but the kind I get. My friend kept the girls, I carried Miniman out to the truck and headed to the hospital, calling Hubby on the way so he could meet us there. I remember Miniman pleading from his car-seat for me to sing to him. He was scared and wanted to hear the song that has lulled him to sleep all his short life. So with my voice breaking and many starts and stops I sang Baby Mine. While singing I also prayed. I asked God to give me the migraine, to spare my son. I asked him to heal my sweet boy and make him whole. I also prayed that God would get the glory and that His will would be done above my own. My friend challenged me to give Miniman to God, to quit taking him back, to trust that God knew what he was doing concerning Miniman and that I didn't need to stand in the way of a blessing. I received a peace once again. I wrote about the experience here. At the hospital the Dr's ran many tests. There is no way to tell if someone is having a migraine or not. The only test that is out there is a DNA test and those are not cheap. Instead the Dr's have to rule everything else out. After almost a week Miniman was released. Things went back the way they had and Miniman has no residual effects. God danced me through another storm.
Hubby has chronic pain, he has been living with it since 2001. The Dr he was seeing told him about an option that was now available. It would require him getting off of the narcotic's he had been on for nine years and an open spinal surgery. You can find my original posts here and here. I was reading through the book of Esther and learned that she also had a storm to walk through. Esther fasted and prayed diligently before she went before the king. So I took notes, I prayed and fasted about Hubby's surgery. I knew that there were three ways in which the surgery would result. 1. He would come out better then he went in. 2. He would be paralyzed from the waist down or 3. I would no longer see him on this side of heaven. Two of the three were daunting. I couldn't imagine my life with out Hubby, let alone raising our three little ones alone. So I prayed, but not for my will to be done, but that God's will. I also thanked God for Hubby, the life that we had, our children.. for everything. I remember kissing Hubby goodbye not knowing if it would be the last time, but having peace. Hours later, Hubby was out of surgery and after a bit of in hospital recovery I was able to take him home. He was wheeled out to the truck and when I saw him stand.. my heart overflowed with joy! Heavenly Father led and I danced through yet another storm.
The point of this post is to brag of course. To brag on Heavenly Father, knowing that his ways are not our ways and when the rains and storms of life come. I have a resting place, and so do you if you will accept it. It is a privilege to be a child of the Almighty. Knowing that no matter what this life throws at us there is nothing we could ever go through that He has not seen us through. I am blessed beyond all measure, it is my hope that after reading about some of the storms he has lead, carried and danced me through, you would be encouraged in the midst of your own. I know that the rain and storms will still come, because I am not yet home. So until next time Dear Readers.. Be Blessed!
