Originally posted 10/11
I spoke to Hubby tonight. He is getting weary. He was asked to be on the commission that brings the traveling Vietnam Vet's wall to his area in Ohio. He has been to several committee meetings and it is coming down to crunch time. This weekend the wall will be in Ohio, Hubby already helped set it up. Now it is getting everything else in order.
With Hubby there is one thing I have come to appreciate and love about him. Not above anything else.. just along with it. You see, Hubby is not a glory seeker. He has never been one to toot his own horn and if he screws up, he is the first one to rat himself out.
I think one of the things that has always bothered him is that the Vietnam Vet's were never really given there due. Even the war has been written off as a conflict. How does that really make you feel? To know that there are men and women who are without a loved one because of a "conflict". That is such a disservice.. and that doesn't even cover a 1/4 of it. So when you see a Veteran.. or Active Duty personnel.. thank them. It is honestly the least you can do.. considering all they have done for you.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
How an FRG can work in Recruiting
Family Readiness Group
If the FRG is cohesive at the station level it will also be at the company level. With this in mind the FRG should have the set up of a calling tree rather then the standard operational army set up. The CLT and FRG leader would be at the base with branches going out to each station and from each station to each family. With this set up I believe the flow of information will be consistent.
With a cohesive FRG a company can fulfill it's mission positively. By providing mutual support between the command and the FRG. The FRG itself acting as an extension of the command by providing official accurate information; advocate efficient use of community resources and assisting families to problem solve by equipping them with tools to do so.
A working FRG is beneficial to mission success as it also empowers spouses and families to reach out in the community and show the possibilities of achievement with the Army life style. Spouses will be encouraged to carry their Recruiter spouses business cards to assist in mission fulfillment. As the recruiter spouse is at times an untapped resource, it is beneficial to all in mission achievement if they are informed properly of the possibilities in the Army way of life. If you have a good thing going, why not share it with someone if it may help them also succeed in life.
With an FRG working under this set up; there will be higher moral and camaraderie, sufficient support of spouses and their families. Ideally the FRG would be much like those on a base. With a valued togetherness that promotes positive morale both in the stations and company wide. In order for this FRG set up to work volunteers are needed. At least one in each station as an FRG representative along with the overall FRG leader who would report directly to the CLT. The office's of Treasurer, Secretary and Leader will be need to be proficient in their responsibly's.
With this set up it is also possible to have an FS FRG. When a FS is entering the Future Solider program there is a wealth of questions they and their families have. Ideally there would be a Q/A session taking place for the families while the FS training is taking place. An FS FRG would ensure a lower loss rate as both the family and the FS would be welcomed into the Army life, disparaging any negative issues that may arise with a consistent stream of both support and information. The FS FRG would also ensure positive reinforcement to the FS's and their families. The FS FRG leader role will be the responsibility of the FRG station representative. The overall FRG leader would oversee both the FRG and the FS FRG.
Yes, it is a lot to ask of one person, but in the end it will be worth it.
Mom.. I am running off with a Recruiter
I read this post a little bit ago. I admit I would have to say things a bit differently. Hubby had already been through deployments and was in recruiting when I met him. We met at a bar (one of the few times I went out) and he was the best looking guy there! I remember him approaching me as I sat under a fake palm tree drinking a Corona. He walked up, sat down and said :"you are so adorable and I don't mean because you are short". This made me smile. He asked for my number, I told him no, but took his. A week later I called.
Hubby was in station commanders course when we met. He had already been in the ARMY for nine years and was now in USAREC. He would go to school while I was at work, but as soon as we were both off the clock.. we were inseparable.
When Hubby and I met I had a list of things I wasn't looking for in a man. Hubby, was all of them. And he was just what I needed. I honestly didn't know what an Army Recruiter did. I hadn't talked to any while I was in High School, except to tell them that I wasn't interested and give them the names of my friends who were in JROTC. I knew Hubby had miserable hours, but he also came home every night. Yeah, he was in the ARMY.. but it wasn't like he was getting deployed.
I moved down to Florida for a little while after dropping Hubby off at the airport (we promised to see each other again, but had no clue when; we had only known each other a week!) . After a few weeks in Florida he asked me to be with him. Said that he didn't want to spend another night with out me. So much to my sister's animate "NO". I packed only what I could carry, Hubby sent me a bus ticket. This was the start of our adventure. My sister dropped me off at the Greyhound Bus Stop and morbidly swore that she would see me again.. in the news. I was headed to the Pacific Northwest.. Washington State to be exact. I remember calling my Mom and telling her I was moving-in with Hubby. I am sure it gave her a heart attack and that she thought I was crazy. After three days and many phone calls I was in Olympia. Hubby came to pick me up in a nice red Camaro. We drove for hours until we reached his apartment on the beach. I called my parents and let them know I was okay.
Hubby had to go to work the next day. I was out of a drivers license and really had nothing to do except walk around the apartment and slowly venture out to the grocery store. The man had jelly but no peanut butter, and microwave popcorn but no microwave! He needed me, lol!! After three months Hubby called my Dad and asked for my hand in marriage. We were married two months later, in my parents home.
It has been a ride since then. There have been ups and downs, good and bad times. But through it all I have him and he has me. Hubby and I have been together nine years this summer. We renewed our wedding vows last Fourth of July at our local church. While some may say that they couldn't imagine living the recruiting life for the entirety of their marriage so far... I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know that recruiting is hard, very stressful and at times one of the most thankless jobs in the military. But Hubby is one of the best of them. I am so proud to be standing by his side through it all because I know that no matter what he is standing beside me too.
Hubby was in station commanders course when we met. He had already been in the ARMY for nine years and was now in USAREC. He would go to school while I was at work, but as soon as we were both off the clock.. we were inseparable.
When Hubby and I met I had a list of things I wasn't looking for in a man. Hubby, was all of them. And he was just what I needed. I honestly didn't know what an Army Recruiter did. I hadn't talked to any while I was in High School, except to tell them that I wasn't interested and give them the names of my friends who were in JROTC. I knew Hubby had miserable hours, but he also came home every night. Yeah, he was in the ARMY.. but it wasn't like he was getting deployed.
I moved down to Florida for a little while after dropping Hubby off at the airport (we promised to see each other again, but had no clue when; we had only known each other a week!) . After a few weeks in Florida he asked me to be with him. Said that he didn't want to spend another night with out me. So much to my sister's animate "NO". I packed only what I could carry, Hubby sent me a bus ticket. This was the start of our adventure. My sister dropped me off at the Greyhound Bus Stop and morbidly swore that she would see me again.. in the news. I was headed to the Pacific Northwest.. Washington State to be exact. I remember calling my Mom and telling her I was moving-in with Hubby. I am sure it gave her a heart attack and that she thought I was crazy. After three days and many phone calls I was in Olympia. Hubby came to pick me up in a nice red Camaro. We drove for hours until we reached his apartment on the beach. I called my parents and let them know I was okay.
Hubby had to go to work the next day. I was out of a drivers license and really had nothing to do except walk around the apartment and slowly venture out to the grocery store. The man had jelly but no peanut butter, and microwave popcorn but no microwave! He needed me, lol!! After three months Hubby called my Dad and asked for my hand in marriage. We were married two months later, in my parents home.
It has been a ride since then. There have been ups and downs, good and bad times. But through it all I have him and he has me. Hubby and I have been together nine years this summer. We renewed our wedding vows last Fourth of July at our local church. While some may say that they couldn't imagine living the recruiting life for the entirety of their marriage so far... I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know that recruiting is hard, very stressful and at times one of the most thankless jobs in the military. But Hubby is one of the best of them. I am so proud to be standing by his side through it all because I know that no matter what he is standing beside me too.
HRAP (Hometown Recruiting)
A home town Recruiter (H.R.A.P) is someone who has graduated from Basic Training and (Advanced Individual Training) A.I.T. The new solider gets 2 weeks permissive T.D.Y and another 2 weeks of leave. After meeting certain requirements and being selected by their Drill Sargent they return to the station they were recruited from, so long as that station accepts them. When they report to said recruiting station they are answerable to the Station Commander for recruiting duty. As an H.R.A.P they are responsible for whatever the recruiting station needs them to do. Mostly this is getting names and numbers from friends and acquaintances who may be interested in joining the Army. The H.R.A.P may also assist with P.T and training Future Soldiers (F.S.) in map reading, marching and other things the F.S'.s are better off knowing before shipping off to basic. Again this depends on the Station.
If for some reason the H.R.A.P does not do what they are supposed to do and use the month of time they have in their home town as time to hang with friends and family.. it will get back to their Unit and it won't be a good thing. The H.R.A.P will be charged a month of leave and there could be other repercussions. I have heard of some (Private) PVT's while still in Basic ask their Drill Sargent's if they could be considered for an H.R.A.P position. It is not however up to the PVT, but it is up to his or her chain of command.
In the nine years I have been in Recruiting with Hubby, we have moved around a good bit. It is rare that we meet people who recruit in the area they were raised in. This excludes Army National Guard Recruiting. Although they are in USAREC, I have known a few whom have lived in the same area (their hometown) for the majority of the duration of Recruiting duty. This is not often, but it does happen. If you are interested in learning more about Recruiting and how you can help support it keep reading this blog.. or visit the USAREC website.
If for some reason the H.R.A.P does not do what they are supposed to do and use the month of time they have in their home town as time to hang with friends and family.. it will get back to their Unit and it won't be a good thing. The H.R.A.P will be charged a month of leave and there could be other repercussions. I have heard of some (Private) PVT's while still in Basic ask their Drill Sargent's if they could be considered for an H.R.A.P position. It is not however up to the PVT, but it is up to his or her chain of command.
In the nine years I have been in Recruiting with Hubby, we have moved around a good bit. It is rare that we meet people who recruit in the area they were raised in. This excludes Army National Guard Recruiting. Although they are in USAREC, I have known a few whom have lived in the same area (their hometown) for the majority of the duration of Recruiting duty. This is not often, but it does happen. If you are interested in learning more about Recruiting and how you can help support it keep reading this blog.. or visit the USAREC website.
Now They Change Everything
Hubby has been in Recruiting for almost eleven years. I have been with him for close to nine of them. About five or seven years ago (I forget which), Hubby was awarded the Glenn E. Morall award. It was the highest award achievement possible in Recruiting. Now they are changing everything.
Anyone can go in and buy the old awards, the ones Hubby worked so hard for. Now you go to a board for almost everything. The awards used to be given for production, they still are. USAREC just changed the way you go about receiving them.. and the way they recognize your achievements... Here is an excerpt from the
Recruiter Journal:
6 | RECRUITER JOURNAL | MAY 2011
Master Recruiter Badge Eligibility Requirements
NCOs or officers assigned as recruiters in USAREC for at least
24 months
A score of at least 85% in Skill Levels 3 and 4 of the Stage 1
Critical Skills Assessment Test (written evaluation) and 100% on
the Stage 2 Live-Fire Examination (hands-on). Master sergeants,
first sergeants, sergeants major and officers must also score 85%
on Skill Level 5 of the CSAT.
No substantiated improprieties or pending investigations
regarding suspected improprieties or commander’s inquiries
Not currently flagged for any reason
Meet the standards of AR 600-9, The Army Weight Control
Program
Final approval recommendation from brigade command
sergeant major and approval by brigade commander
MASTER RECRUITER BADGE
APPROVED
By Julia Bobick
Editor
The Master Recruiter Badge is one step closer to being awarded to NCOs and officers who are proven experts in the art and science of recruiting. Approved by the Army Chief of Staff in February and the Institute of Heraldry in March, the badge is in the final stages of development and will be
available by the start of the new fiscal year.“It’s a huge step forward in changing our culture and legitimizing
our profession,” said Command Sgt. Maj. Todd Moore,U.S. Army Recruiting Command. “It’s the right thing for the command.” The change more aligns the command’s award program with the rest of the Army. Moore used the Parachutist Badge as an example. First, Soldiers complete the Army’s Basic Airborne Course to earn the Army Parachutist Badge. Through additional experience (required jumps), training and exams to demonstrate advanced proficiency, Soldiers can become a senior parachutist and then a master parachutist. There are similar badges for Army aviators, divers, explosive ordnance disposal specialists, combat
medics and infantrymen. Army and Army Reserve Soldiers in Recruiting Command will have to demonstrate expertise in recruiting skills through job performance and testing to earn the Master Recruiter Badge.
“That denotes us as being experts or masters in our field, versus just enlisting X number of people,” Moore said. Enlistment numbers were a dominant factor in awarding the command’s Gold Recruiter Badge, Recruiter Ring and Morrell Award, none of which is part of the command’s new incentive awards program implemented earlier this fiscal year. The badge is not retroactive for Soldiers who already have the Gold Recruiter Badge; all recruiters will have to go through the same testing and live-fire process to earn the badge, which Moore emphatically said he will be doing. All Soldiers who successfully complete the Army Recruiter
Course earn the silver Recruiter Badge.“What we are doing is changing how you earn the next recruiting identification badge,” said Victoria Sorensen, G3 Plans and Programs Division chief. “It is no longer a points-based system; it is based on the recruiter’s tactical and technical proficiency in recruiting.”
To earn the badge, noncommissioned officers and officers assigned as recruiters for at least 24 months must successfully pass both the Critical Skills Assessment Test (written) and the Live-Fire Examination (hands-on) and be recommended by their brigade leadership.“No one will be forced to compete for the Master Recruiter Badge, recruiters will have to decide for themselves if it is something they want to shoot for or not,” said Phil Tabor, G3 Training Assessment Division chief, who is overseeing the development of the second stage of testing, the Live-Fire Examination, which will be available in June. Details will be released in a USAREC Message. USAREC Regulation 672-10 and USAREC Supplement 1 to Army Regulation 600-8-22 are being updated to reflect the changes.
~~ All that being said, Recruiting has changed. Even recruiter school has changed from when Hubby went through several years ago. I am confidant that Hubby can pass whatever test they throw at him as he is both knowledgeable and proficient in his job. I just wonder what it means for the others. Maybe this new system is a way to weed out the recruiters who are in it for just the numbers and not really for the change the Army can be for someone's life. Just a thought.
Anyone can go in and buy the old awards, the ones Hubby worked so hard for. Now you go to a board for almost everything. The awards used to be given for production, they still are. USAREC just changed the way you go about receiving them.. and the way they recognize your achievements... Here is an excerpt from the
Recruiter Journal:
6 | RECRUITER JOURNAL | MAY 2011
Master Recruiter Badge Eligibility Requirements
NCOs or officers assigned as recruiters in USAREC for at least
24 months
A score of at least 85% in Skill Levels 3 and 4 of the Stage 1
Critical Skills Assessment Test (written evaluation) and 100% on
the Stage 2 Live-Fire Examination (hands-on). Master sergeants,
first sergeants, sergeants major and officers must also score 85%
on Skill Level 5 of the CSAT.
No substantiated improprieties or pending investigations
regarding suspected improprieties or commander’s inquiries
Not currently flagged for any reason
Meet the standards of AR 600-9, The Army Weight Control
Program
Final approval recommendation from brigade command
sergeant major and approval by brigade commander
MASTER RECRUITER BADGE
APPROVED
By Julia Bobick
Editor
The Master Recruiter Badge is one step closer to being awarded to NCOs and officers who are proven experts in the art and science of recruiting. Approved by the Army Chief of Staff in February and the Institute of Heraldry in March, the badge is in the final stages of development and will be
available by the start of the new fiscal year.“It’s a huge step forward in changing our culture and legitimizing
our profession,” said Command Sgt. Maj. Todd Moore,U.S. Army Recruiting Command. “It’s the right thing for the command.” The change more aligns the command’s award program with the rest of the Army. Moore used the Parachutist Badge as an example. First, Soldiers complete the Army’s Basic Airborne Course to earn the Army Parachutist Badge. Through additional experience (required jumps), training and exams to demonstrate advanced proficiency, Soldiers can become a senior parachutist and then a master parachutist. There are similar badges for Army aviators, divers, explosive ordnance disposal specialists, combat
medics and infantrymen. Army and Army Reserve Soldiers in Recruiting Command will have to demonstrate expertise in recruiting skills through job performance and testing to earn the Master Recruiter Badge.
“That denotes us as being experts or masters in our field, versus just enlisting X number of people,” Moore said. Enlistment numbers were a dominant factor in awarding the command’s Gold Recruiter Badge, Recruiter Ring and Morrell Award, none of which is part of the command’s new incentive awards program implemented earlier this fiscal year. The badge is not retroactive for Soldiers who already have the Gold Recruiter Badge; all recruiters will have to go through the same testing and live-fire process to earn the badge, which Moore emphatically said he will be doing. All Soldiers who successfully complete the Army Recruiter
Course earn the silver Recruiter Badge.“What we are doing is changing how you earn the next recruiting identification badge,” said Victoria Sorensen, G3 Plans and Programs Division chief. “It is no longer a points-based system; it is based on the recruiter’s tactical and technical proficiency in recruiting.”
To earn the badge, noncommissioned officers and officers assigned as recruiters for at least 24 months must successfully pass both the Critical Skills Assessment Test (written) and the Live-Fire Examination (hands-on) and be recommended by their brigade leadership.“No one will be forced to compete for the Master Recruiter Badge, recruiters will have to decide for themselves if it is something they want to shoot for or not,” said Phil Tabor, G3 Training Assessment Division chief, who is overseeing the development of the second stage of testing, the Live-Fire Examination, which will be available in June. Details will be released in a USAREC Message. USAREC Regulation 672-10 and USAREC Supplement 1 to Army Regulation 600-8-22 are being updated to reflect the changes.
~~ All that being said, Recruiting has changed. Even recruiter school has changed from when Hubby went through several years ago. I am confidant that Hubby can pass whatever test they throw at him as he is both knowledgeable and proficient in his job. I just wonder what it means for the others. Maybe this new system is a way to weed out the recruiters who are in it for just the numbers and not really for the change the Army can be for someone's life. Just a thought.
Operational vs. Recruiting
I have heard many complaints along the lines of " I would rather my husband be deployed then in recruiting". I have grown weary of said complaint and the only way I know of to counter act it is by a comparison study. So here it goes. The part of the Army that get deployed, their families have the option to live on base, and other things is actually referred to as the OPERATIONAL ARMY (deploy-able). The ARMY RECRUITING (non-deploy-able) is different, but still the same. I like to think of Recruiting as civilian life with a whole lot of perks. Some don't see it this way, and I can understand that. But hey your Recruiter Spouse is home every night! So here is a comparison for you.
OPERATIONAL ARMY (Deploy-able Personnel)
ARMY RECRUITING (Non-deploy-able)
TriCare (standard, and prime)
TriCare (prime remote, find own Dr.)
United Concordia (on-base facilities)
United Concordia (find your own)
Military Spouse works from 0530-1730
Military Spouse is on call 24/7
Guaranteed vacation days (if your not deployed)
No guaranteed vacation days, only wedding Ann. or bday off (if the co allows it)
On base housing provided or BAH
BAH, find your own housing
Someone tells you what to do/how to do it
More accountable for actions
Alert roster calls in the dead of night
Applicants/their parents/ anyone who has your # call 24/7
Deployed at lengths of time missing much
Can be there for day to day events, its all about planning
More respect to personnel by civilians
Disrespect and threats to personnel by civilians
Likely to live around other military families
live at times in places where being in the military is a bad word
FRG is accessible and at times annoying
FRG is sometimes non-existent, no support (again depending on the co)
Access to BX and Commasary
Hunt for best prices at the grocer/ retail.. clip coupons
Housing covers everything but cable/internet/phone
BAH doesn't always cover everything.. budget juggle
Schools/Daycare all on base
Look around for schools/daycare for children
go days/weeks w/o hearing from spouse
see your spouse everyday (okay sometimes)
bigger paycheck when spouse is deployed
$450 extra a month for recruiter pay
higher job security
you mess -up your gone (and not in a good way)
High stress situations when deployed
Daily high stressful situations
defending self against armed combatant
no defense against civilians, they say whatever they want to/about you
The "face" of the Army in ad's and movies
The "face" of the Army in the neighborhood (this could be good or bad depending)
I am sure there is more to add to my lists and I will as I find them. But for now this is a good start. Any suggestions for the lists? Just let me know. Recruiting is as close to civilian life you will ever get in the Army, for some it is only a three year duty. For others (and they choose) it is longer. For whatever reason you are here in recruiting..so make the best of it. As with any assignment, it is whatever you make of it. I hope this comparison will help you see both sides..
PTSD..it happens in Recruiting
Life is like a bowl of cherries, some are sour and others are sweet. If you can learn to take the sweet with the sour.. life will be less then just living moment by moment and more like living a dream. ~ Selah
In Recruiting there are ups and there are downs. The Mission will always come first and most family members are left in the dark. It is more of a blind spot then anything I think. After several years I have had the privilege of serving along side Hubby. I carry his business cards with me and more then once, referred someone to him that did eventually join the ARMY. There were high lights.. those are the things I think about the most. Then there are the low lights.
Because Recruiting is mission driven Hubby has gone from zero to hero and back in 24 hours. It is a production game and there is a tremendous amount of stress involved. There are some admittedly who take recruiting lightly and are in it for 3 years and then gone. Then there are others whom for one reason or another have chosen to convert their MOS to that of recruiter. These seasoned veterans of recruiting can be learned from. They have been in the trenches and have come out with heads high. Hubby is one.
When he and I met he was in station commanders school, he was about to take over a small two man station and things were going well. Then we moved to his next duty station. Little did we know that the many station commanders whom had gone before him had failed, and had psychotic episodes. It wasn't the fellow recruiter's or his chain of command.
It was the area. You see some areas accept military families more readily then others. This area was not one of those. Many times Hubby would come home and tell me of the High School guidance counselor's who were talking applicants out of their decision to join the Army or any other military branch. How High Schools would try to deny the Recruiter's access to the files by law those Recruiter's are entitled to. Also how the schools would limit the time a Recruiter had on campus down to what a Recruiter was allowed to say to their students. All of this would just happen at the schools. Never mind what happened day to day in the office, or while out finding people who were interested in just sitting down and talking about the Army.
Sure some communities are more then happy to honor the veterans and remember the fallen.. when they get around to it. But they don't really want to be faced with the idea or thought that this is still an all volunteer military and we as a country still need people who are willing to stand for those who are unwilling or unable to stand for themselves. They don't want their son or daughter to go anywhere. I have even been asked how I could "let" Hubby be in the military.. my answer is always the same. "If not mine, then whose, you have already told me that it won't be yours." Most walk away after that.
Hubby has been spit at, there have been treats against his life and the safety of our family. He has been called names and many other things. For those who would say that Hubby and others like him are just "desk jockey's". Have no clue what it is really like. I am just barely scratching the surface. Yes, in this country we are afforded many freedoms. But those freedoms come at a price. Few are willing to volunteer and pay the price (when called to) and those whom they leave behind feel the void of their fallen comrade.
There are some who due to the amount of stress and their inability to handle it (for what ever reason).. are admitted into a hospital. This is what we discovered happened to the station commanders before Hubby in our second duty station. It was high stress. Hubby ended up hospitalized.. and I was alone, with a one year old. There wasn't a whole lot of support for me. It was like a dirty little secret that every one knew about, but no one wanted to talk about. I remember those weeks as being some of the loneliest I have ever experienced. I was forced to think about what my life would be like without Hubby, how I would raise our daughter on my own.. it was pretty dark to say the least. I can honestly say that it wasn't the FRG that got me through, nor was it another spouse. Most recruiter spouses are left in the dark for the most part and have no idea what is going on the lives of those around them. What got me through was my relationship with God. If you want to know more .. ask I will tell you, but for now I will leave it at that. After that experience I became passionate about helping other spouses. I didn't want them to be left in the dark or in any situation where they felt alone.
Stress and PTSD happens in recruiting. It has become easier to ask for help for the solider who needs it.. if I can I want to make sure the spouse gets it too.
In Recruiting there are ups and there are downs. The Mission will always come first and most family members are left in the dark. It is more of a blind spot then anything I think. After several years I have had the privilege of serving along side Hubby. I carry his business cards with me and more then once, referred someone to him that did eventually join the ARMY. There were high lights.. those are the things I think about the most. Then there are the low lights.
Because Recruiting is mission driven Hubby has gone from zero to hero and back in 24 hours. It is a production game and there is a tremendous amount of stress involved. There are some admittedly who take recruiting lightly and are in it for 3 years and then gone. Then there are others whom for one reason or another have chosen to convert their MOS to that of recruiter. These seasoned veterans of recruiting can be learned from. They have been in the trenches and have come out with heads high. Hubby is one.
When he and I met he was in station commanders school, he was about to take over a small two man station and things were going well. Then we moved to his next duty station. Little did we know that the many station commanders whom had gone before him had failed, and had psychotic episodes. It wasn't the fellow recruiter's or his chain of command.
It was the area. You see some areas accept military families more readily then others. This area was not one of those. Many times Hubby would come home and tell me of the High School guidance counselor's who were talking applicants out of their decision to join the Army or any other military branch. How High Schools would try to deny the Recruiter's access to the files by law those Recruiter's are entitled to. Also how the schools would limit the time a Recruiter had on campus down to what a Recruiter was allowed to say to their students. All of this would just happen at the schools. Never mind what happened day to day in the office, or while out finding people who were interested in just sitting down and talking about the Army.
Sure some communities are more then happy to honor the veterans and remember the fallen.. when they get around to it. But they don't really want to be faced with the idea or thought that this is still an all volunteer military and we as a country still need people who are willing to stand for those who are unwilling or unable to stand for themselves. They don't want their son or daughter to go anywhere. I have even been asked how I could "let" Hubby be in the military.. my answer is always the same. "If not mine, then whose, you have already told me that it won't be yours." Most walk away after that.
Hubby has been spit at, there have been treats against his life and the safety of our family. He has been called names and many other things. For those who would say that Hubby and others like him are just "desk jockey's". Have no clue what it is really like. I am just barely scratching the surface. Yes, in this country we are afforded many freedoms. But those freedoms come at a price. Few are willing to volunteer and pay the price (when called to) and those whom they leave behind feel the void of their fallen comrade.
There are some who due to the amount of stress and their inability to handle it (for what ever reason).. are admitted into a hospital. This is what we discovered happened to the station commanders before Hubby in our second duty station. It was high stress. Hubby ended up hospitalized.. and I was alone, with a one year old. There wasn't a whole lot of support for me. It was like a dirty little secret that every one knew about, but no one wanted to talk about. I remember those weeks as being some of the loneliest I have ever experienced. I was forced to think about what my life would be like without Hubby, how I would raise our daughter on my own.. it was pretty dark to say the least. I can honestly say that it wasn't the FRG that got me through, nor was it another spouse. Most recruiter spouses are left in the dark for the most part and have no idea what is going on the lives of those around them. What got me through was my relationship with God. If you want to know more .. ask I will tell you, but for now I will leave it at that. After that experience I became passionate about helping other spouses. I didn't want them to be left in the dark or in any situation where they felt alone.
Stress and PTSD happens in recruiting. It has become easier to ask for help for the solider who needs it.. if I can I want to make sure the spouse gets it too.
PCS'ing
I will start out by saying that nothing is final until you have written orders in hand and the ink is dry. Until then I would advise not to try to move anything.
In the last few years Hubby and I have done quite a bit of moving. Our stint here in Ohio is the longest we have had. Hubby recently received a "heads-up" that we were on the relocation list. He filled out the paper work to play the game as usual, and our 5th choice (which was really our 1st) was what we got. He and I were both pleased. He even gave a fist pump. He was told at first that he would need to report in August, then it changed to September and now it has changed again and he is to report sometime between September and November. So that more then likely means October. Well, at least we won't be shoveling snow this winter? We will have to wait and see.
I planned a going away party for this month. We are still going to go ahead with it as it is easier to get people together in the summer then it is in the fall. The last get together at our house on the hill with a white picket fence. It has been good to us..
With moving there comes a whole load of questions. Since two of our three are in school, those questions are crucial. It would be a nightmare to move into a new place and the schools not be comparable to the ones they are attending here. Then there are the luxuries I have gotten used to, the kids play area at the grocery store where I can drop all three of my kids off and do my shopping.. alone! There will be a new town to get to know my way around, a new home church to find for the family to grow in and so very much more. The first order of business will be locating a house in a desirable neighborhood that is in our BAH price range. Then it is the schools hopefully there will be an inter-district option. So if the neighborhood we are in is zoned for a school that isn't up to par I can find one in the district that is.. and just drive the kids to school. Finding a new pediatrician for the kids and new Dr's for Hubby and I.. maybe finding a Dentist we can all go to (that would be nice). Remember to get copies of all your kids and your medical records for the new place. So if anything happens you aren't waiting for their records to get there. Then there is the hairdresser to find, new friends to make, and a whole new set of things to get used to. It may be a few months before I am comfortable walking around the new house in the dark (b/c I will know where everything is). Oh, all the joys of moving.. and depending on what Hubby decides this may not be our last move. So much to consider. But if I have learned anything it is this:
1. have small pets (hamsters, hermit crabs, etc.) the smaller the animal the easier the move and the faster you are able to find a rental. Plus most hotels don't consider hermit crabs as an unacceptable pet.. so you can hole up in one a little longer if need be.
2. If you have a fish tank and are moving you can always take your fish to the local pet store (call first) and drop them off to be adopted out. You won't have to worry about finding them a new home, or them dieing on the way to yours.
3. Kids are resilient. They adapt to change well, as long as they know what is coming and are able to wrap their heads around it, a move can go very smoothly. Make a paper chain to help them count down the days/weeks until the move. Even if you have a general idea.. if the chain is really long put a few dates on it so when you finally get orders you can cut the chain to size.. the kids may not even notice.
4. Take pictures of all your electronics while they are turned on and working if the movers are going to pack them. you do this for your protection.. remember to be reimbursed for the value of something you need to be able to prove it broke in the move.
5. Take pictures of your collections (hats, figurines, cd's, dvd's, etc..) a list is great but lets face it who has time.. take a picture it will last longer and it's easier to update for the next time you PCS.
6. Buy a fireproof safe that is small enough to fit in your vehicle. You will need this to store all your important papers, jewelry, anything of value that you can cram in that bad boy and take it with you. Be sure to bring it with you in your hotel room whenever you stop for the night (and anywhere else you don't feel comfortable leaving it in your vehicle).
7. Portable DVD players can be worth your sanity in the weight of gold! You can pick some up at Walmart (buy the insurance for 3.00) have the kids pick out a few movies, plug in their head phones and wham! You can listen to your music on a cross country drive rather then theirs! You can also pick up some crayons (they have some that will now wipe off of glass) some coloring books and other quiet activities for the kids to do. If all else fails. Take a break stop at a rest stop and let the kids run (as long as they don't step in any poop you are good).
8. The most important thing is to roll with the punches. You may not be able to control everything around you but you can control how you react to it.
Well, that about sums it up for me. Can you think of any tips to help with a move?
In the last few years Hubby and I have done quite a bit of moving. Our stint here in Ohio is the longest we have had. Hubby recently received a "heads-up" that we were on the relocation list. He filled out the paper work to play the game as usual, and our 5th choice (which was really our 1st) was what we got. He and I were both pleased. He even gave a fist pump. He was told at first that he would need to report in August, then it changed to September and now it has changed again and he is to report sometime between September and November. So that more then likely means October. Well, at least we won't be shoveling snow this winter? We will have to wait and see.
I planned a going away party for this month. We are still going to go ahead with it as it is easier to get people together in the summer then it is in the fall. The last get together at our house on the hill with a white picket fence. It has been good to us..
With moving there comes a whole load of questions. Since two of our three are in school, those questions are crucial. It would be a nightmare to move into a new place and the schools not be comparable to the ones they are attending here. Then there are the luxuries I have gotten used to, the kids play area at the grocery store where I can drop all three of my kids off and do my shopping.. alone! There will be a new town to get to know my way around, a new home church to find for the family to grow in and so very much more. The first order of business will be locating a house in a desirable neighborhood that is in our BAH price range. Then it is the schools hopefully there will be an inter-district option. So if the neighborhood we are in is zoned for a school that isn't up to par I can find one in the district that is.. and just drive the kids to school. Finding a new pediatrician for the kids and new Dr's for Hubby and I.. maybe finding a Dentist we can all go to (that would be nice). Remember to get copies of all your kids and your medical records for the new place. So if anything happens you aren't waiting for their records to get there. Then there is the hairdresser to find, new friends to make, and a whole new set of things to get used to. It may be a few months before I am comfortable walking around the new house in the dark (b/c I will know where everything is). Oh, all the joys of moving.. and depending on what Hubby decides this may not be our last move. So much to consider. But if I have learned anything it is this:
1. have small pets (hamsters, hermit crabs, etc.) the smaller the animal the easier the move and the faster you are able to find a rental. Plus most hotels don't consider hermit crabs as an unacceptable pet.. so you can hole up in one a little longer if need be.
2. If you have a fish tank and are moving you can always take your fish to the local pet store (call first) and drop them off to be adopted out. You won't have to worry about finding them a new home, or them dieing on the way to yours.
3. Kids are resilient. They adapt to change well, as long as they know what is coming and are able to wrap their heads around it, a move can go very smoothly. Make a paper chain to help them count down the days/weeks until the move. Even if you have a general idea.. if the chain is really long put a few dates on it so when you finally get orders you can cut the chain to size.. the kids may not even notice.
4. Take pictures of all your electronics while they are turned on and working if the movers are going to pack them. you do this for your protection.. remember to be reimbursed for the value of something you need to be able to prove it broke in the move.
5. Take pictures of your collections (hats, figurines, cd's, dvd's, etc..) a list is great but lets face it who has time.. take a picture it will last longer and it's easier to update for the next time you PCS.
6. Buy a fireproof safe that is small enough to fit in your vehicle. You will need this to store all your important papers, jewelry, anything of value that you can cram in that bad boy and take it with you. Be sure to bring it with you in your hotel room whenever you stop for the night (and anywhere else you don't feel comfortable leaving it in your vehicle).
7. Portable DVD players can be worth your sanity in the weight of gold! You can pick some up at Walmart (buy the insurance for 3.00) have the kids pick out a few movies, plug in their head phones and wham! You can listen to your music on a cross country drive rather then theirs! You can also pick up some crayons (they have some that will now wipe off of glass) some coloring books and other quiet activities for the kids to do. If all else fails. Take a break stop at a rest stop and let the kids run (as long as they don't step in any poop you are good).
8. The most important thing is to roll with the punches. You may not be able to control everything around you but you can control how you react to it.
Well, that about sums it up for me. Can you think of any tips to help with a move?
Are Two Day's Enough..
This morning I got up early. Hubby was already dressed and walking out the door, he was headed to a Memorial Day parade. He was marching in it, calling cadences for his future soldiers and looking as handsome as ever. I am jumping ahead of myself. Hubby left, and I got the kids ready to go. My friend H showed up, then we loaded up the truck and off we went. We got to the parade route an hour before the start of the parade. So trying to keep three little ones busy wasn't easy. When the parade did get started, so did my water works.
When I was younger Memorial Day came and went without much thought. It was a reason to get together with family because school was out and there was fun to be had. Now it is much more somber. When I think of Memorial Day I think of all those who have made my freedoms possible. It is no longer a day to just hang out with friends and family. There are two days set aside in the U.S. calendar to pay tribute to those in uniform.
The first is to remember those who served in defense of this country and unwillingly (at times) became fallen heroes. These are the ones who were once Veterans but are no longer on this side of heaven. How far they have traveled.. only they know. The road they took only they and their brother's in arms have traveled. They will not be judged for the things they have done in service for their country. Their's is an honorable death, as were there lives. Memorial Day is set aside for military personnel, not the general public or civil servants. While civil servants give all at times also, Memorial Day is for the military. Honor the past while respecting the present. Also don't forget the spouses of the fallen. Their's is a battle that for some is not over. The ones whose spouses have been missing in action and may never come home. Those who buried empty caskets because there was nothing else. Cremated remains because the whole ones too gruesome to take in.. or just not enough to make a whole person. Many of the funerals are shrouded in mystery, the spouses crave privacy as theirs is an ache that may ebb but never go away. The knock at the door is a sound that will echo in their heart until they see their spouse on the other side of heaven. I am sure that there is nothing any of us can say to lesson their suffering. If anything our words are a mere balm to sooth an ache that won't quite go away.
The second day is Veteran's Day. It is set aside for honoring those who are currently serving. The ones who are not state side because of on going conflicts. These men and women are the best of the best in our country. I would challenge the world as ours is an all volunteer force. A Veteran is anyone who has ever worn a military uniform. They went to basic and AIT, they stepped up to the plate when others would cower. Some make it all the way through basic and AIT only to be killed by friendly fire, in an accident while training, or for one reason or another were racked by sickness or a broken limb and were not able to deploy over-seas. They miss out on the birth of their children, soccer games, graduations.. the list could go on for miles. It isn't just about the things they miss. It is also about the things they willingly give up. The rights that so many would flaunt in their faces are the same rights that those Veteran's gave up. A Veteran cannot do many things a civilian can. There are lines they cannot because of an oath, they cannot cross. Though there are probably some who would like to, just once to teach someone a real lesson in sacrifice and honor. A Veteran is someone in my experience who even after taking off the uniform is willing to stand in the gap for others no matter what the situation.
There is one more day recently signed into the book by our current President/ Commander and Chief Obama. It is one that recognizes the sacrifices and struggles of the Military Spouse. The Spouse has a silent struggle. One that few are really privy to see or even experience. The spouse is called to serve their country in another way.. at times a little harder. No, they weren't assigned a soldier spouse. Many walked into this life knowing what to expect. Their helpmate would be deployed for lengths of time, with little to no contact at times. Sure the communication has gotten better with technology. Gone are the days of waiting for a cassette tape from your loved one. Hoping for a tangible word, hanging on to every syllable. Or waiting weeks if not months for the mail to come, cherishing the hurried handwriting of the person who holds your world together while being so far away. The work is still hard. Being a single parent to your child(ren), figuring out the finances wanting to bounce the budget off of your solider spouse to figure it out together. The ache when they go to sleep yet again every night desperately impatient for the pillow beside theirs to have a warm indention in the morning.
Are these few days on the calendar enough? For the families of those who give some and others who give all. Don't forget on this Memorial Day that the American flag does not fly because of the wind.. the American Flag flies because of the last breath of each and every Military Personnel who has died protecting it and all the freedoms it stands for. Thank you all and Thank you to all your families.
When I was younger Memorial Day came and went without much thought. It was a reason to get together with family because school was out and there was fun to be had. Now it is much more somber. When I think of Memorial Day I think of all those who have made my freedoms possible. It is no longer a day to just hang out with friends and family. There are two days set aside in the U.S. calendar to pay tribute to those in uniform.
The first is to remember those who served in defense of this country and unwillingly (at times) became fallen heroes. These are the ones who were once Veterans but are no longer on this side of heaven. How far they have traveled.. only they know. The road they took only they and their brother's in arms have traveled. They will not be judged for the things they have done in service for their country. Their's is an honorable death, as were there lives. Memorial Day is set aside for military personnel, not the general public or civil servants. While civil servants give all at times also, Memorial Day is for the military. Honor the past while respecting the present. Also don't forget the spouses of the fallen. Their's is a battle that for some is not over. The ones whose spouses have been missing in action and may never come home. Those who buried empty caskets because there was nothing else. Cremated remains because the whole ones too gruesome to take in.. or just not enough to make a whole person. Many of the funerals are shrouded in mystery, the spouses crave privacy as theirs is an ache that may ebb but never go away. The knock at the door is a sound that will echo in their heart until they see their spouse on the other side of heaven. I am sure that there is nothing any of us can say to lesson their suffering. If anything our words are a mere balm to sooth an ache that won't quite go away.
The second day is Veteran's Day. It is set aside for honoring those who are currently serving. The ones who are not state side because of on going conflicts. These men and women are the best of the best in our country. I would challenge the world as ours is an all volunteer force. A Veteran is anyone who has ever worn a military uniform. They went to basic and AIT, they stepped up to the plate when others would cower. Some make it all the way through basic and AIT only to be killed by friendly fire, in an accident while training, or for one reason or another were racked by sickness or a broken limb and were not able to deploy over-seas. They miss out on the birth of their children, soccer games, graduations.. the list could go on for miles. It isn't just about the things they miss. It is also about the things they willingly give up. The rights that so many would flaunt in their faces are the same rights that those Veteran's gave up. A Veteran cannot do many things a civilian can. There are lines they cannot because of an oath, they cannot cross. Though there are probably some who would like to, just once to teach someone a real lesson in sacrifice and honor. A Veteran is someone in my experience who even after taking off the uniform is willing to stand in the gap for others no matter what the situation.
There is one more day recently signed into the book by our current President/ Commander and Chief Obama. It is one that recognizes the sacrifices and struggles of the Military Spouse. The Spouse has a silent struggle. One that few are really privy to see or even experience. The spouse is called to serve their country in another way.. at times a little harder. No, they weren't assigned a soldier spouse. Many walked into this life knowing what to expect. Their helpmate would be deployed for lengths of time, with little to no contact at times. Sure the communication has gotten better with technology. Gone are the days of waiting for a cassette tape from your loved one. Hoping for a tangible word, hanging on to every syllable. Or waiting weeks if not months for the mail to come, cherishing the hurried handwriting of the person who holds your world together while being so far away. The work is still hard. Being a single parent to your child(ren), figuring out the finances wanting to bounce the budget off of your solider spouse to figure it out together. The ache when they go to sleep yet again every night desperately impatient for the pillow beside theirs to have a warm indention in the morning.
Are these few days on the calendar enough? For the families of those who give some and others who give all. Don't forget on this Memorial Day that the American flag does not fly because of the wind.. the American Flag flies because of the last breath of each and every Military Personnel who has died protecting it and all the freedoms it stands for. Thank you all and Thank you to all your families.
Living An Example
Let me start by saying I am sure this post will stir up controversy. I feel strongly about it, and if I am wrong, hey it is my opinion and you are welcome to discard it.
When I started being a spouse I really just thought about being my husbands wife. Nothing more. Then as I
was talking to Hubby one day it occurred to me that because he is a Recruiter.. he is the ARMY to all who know him as a Recruiter. Therefore by default I am the Army Spouse. I am not saying that I set or live the best example for being an Army Spouse. I can just say that I honestly try to do the best with what I have and am thankful for all that I am given.
It really started one day when I was sitting at Hubby's office in Aberdeen. I was just killing time until he got off of work so we could go out to dinner or something and he was talking with one of the Future Soldiers. He was telling this young man whom had just recently entered a relationship to not too quickly get married, just because he would be going off to basic. That there were many women all over the world that because of the choice he was making, this young man would be able to meet. Hubby wasn't telling him to not get married, he was just advising him to wait. Then Hubby asked the young man about the kind of things he thought he should be looking for in a spouse. It was then I realized what an impact an example could be. You see this young man hadn't come from the happiest of homes. He had heard about and seen the relationship Hubby and I share and decided that this was the kind of relationship he wanted for himself.
A Recruiter lives in the community he works in. His relationship with his spouse is one that the others at work hear about and those around him are witness to. A Recruiter is never really off duty he is required to keep his government cell phone on him at all times and to carry business cards. There have been times when he and I have been out on a date, he got to talking to someone about the Army and there you go; he has a lead. Wither or not the person joins the Army pans out later, but Hubby is always on the job. I have come to understand and accept this. I even carry his business cards myself.
So all this rambling comes to this point. If you like it or not your spouse was chosen for three years of recruiting duty. This is likely because he is the best at what he does and the Army has seen fit for him to find others like himself to join (as this is an all volunteer Army). Now in many of the places you will be stationed you may be the only military family for miles. Your spouse will be the image of the Army the community sees. Likewise you will be the image of the Army Spouse the community sees. What example are you setting?
Do you complain every time your dates are interrupted so someone can hear about the Army, a conversation that may change the rest of their lives. Do you wish he were home more and at work less, rather then being thankful that he can maybe come home for lunch, take you out for dinner, attend your kids baseball or soccer game or even be there to cut the cord at the birth of your child. Yes, Recruiting is hard. But no one said that being married to the military would be easy. It has it's ups and it's downs.
It is a lot to think about. I am not saying that I am the best example of anything.. except being the loving and supportive wife my husband needs. I hope that you are given more food for thought then something to get upset over. And as always if there is anything I can help with just let me know.
When I started being a spouse I really just thought about being my husbands wife. Nothing more. Then as I
was talking to Hubby one day it occurred to me that because he is a Recruiter.. he is the ARMY to all who know him as a Recruiter. Therefore by default I am the Army Spouse. I am not saying that I set or live the best example for being an Army Spouse. I can just say that I honestly try to do the best with what I have and am thankful for all that I am given.
It really started one day when I was sitting at Hubby's office in Aberdeen. I was just killing time until he got off of work so we could go out to dinner or something and he was talking with one of the Future Soldiers. He was telling this young man whom had just recently entered a relationship to not too quickly get married, just because he would be going off to basic. That there were many women all over the world that because of the choice he was making, this young man would be able to meet. Hubby wasn't telling him to not get married, he was just advising him to wait. Then Hubby asked the young man about the kind of things he thought he should be looking for in a spouse. It was then I realized what an impact an example could be. You see this young man hadn't come from the happiest of homes. He had heard about and seen the relationship Hubby and I share and decided that this was the kind of relationship he wanted for himself.
A Recruiter lives in the community he works in. His relationship with his spouse is one that the others at work hear about and those around him are witness to. A Recruiter is never really off duty he is required to keep his government cell phone on him at all times and to carry business cards. There have been times when he and I have been out on a date, he got to talking to someone about the Army and there you go; he has a lead. Wither or not the person joins the Army pans out later, but Hubby is always on the job. I have come to understand and accept this. I even carry his business cards myself.
So all this rambling comes to this point. If you like it or not your spouse was chosen for three years of recruiting duty. This is likely because he is the best at what he does and the Army has seen fit for him to find others like himself to join (as this is an all volunteer Army). Now in many of the places you will be stationed you may be the only military family for miles. Your spouse will be the image of the Army the community sees. Likewise you will be the image of the Army Spouse the community sees. What example are you setting?
Do you complain every time your dates are interrupted so someone can hear about the Army, a conversation that may change the rest of their lives. Do you wish he were home more and at work less, rather then being thankful that he can maybe come home for lunch, take you out for dinner, attend your kids baseball or soccer game or even be there to cut the cord at the birth of your child. Yes, Recruiting is hard. But no one said that being married to the military would be easy. It has it's ups and it's downs.
It is a lot to think about. I am not saying that I am the best example of anything.. except being the loving and supportive wife my husband needs. I hope that you are given more food for thought then something to get upset over. And as always if there is anything I can help with just let me know.
3rd Duty Station
Once again Hubby received orders and we PCSed. This time to a new Brigade and style of recruiting. At 4 1/2 months pregnant we moved from Washington State to Ohio State at the start of winter. Hubby was told that he would be station commander of a medium sized station and I was looking forward to volunteering with the FRG.
The place we found was under the bridge in downtown Akron. It was a nice new development, there were young children around and it was close to the hospital so I was comfortable for the time being that a three bedroom town home would fit our growing family. Looking back it wasn't the most desirable of neighborhoods, as parts of it were more hood and less neighbor. I digress, we made it work for the time that we were there. Hubby ended up not becoming the station commander, he was in a way demoted to just being a recruiter.
I could say that from one perspective I understand, seeing all that he has gone through. But the other part of me was screaming:" Look what he has over come, has he not proven enough that he can do the job and do it well". But I am just a wife.. supporting her husband. That is what I do best.
The spring after arriving in Ohio Bubbles, our youngest, was born. Goosie was not quite 4 and Miniman not quite 2. At this point I was hoping that we would be somewhere for a while so that I could at least catch my proverbial breath. A recruiter that Hubby knew was moving and needed someone to rent his home, so we gladly moved in. The house sits on a hill and is surrounded by a white picket fence. With Hubby being in the Army it is almost something out of a movie, lol! The neighborhood is wonderful, the schools are some of the top in the state and we were able to find a church everyone in the family could grow in.
Once again I started to volunteer, but I was met with a few walls. I tried to make them into doors or even stairs with kindness. Each time I was told in a polite enough way "we don't want you". My heart hurts for the spouses who are being left out and so desperately wanting to be included. It isn't their fault, they are the ones who are being looked over and the spouses of recruiters are possibly a great untapped resource.
We have been in Ohio for three and a half years. Goosie has been able to go through kindergarten and first grade in the same school. Miniman has attended the same Preschool for two years and I was really looking forward to Bubbles attending the same one. But alas, it is not to be. Hubby once again has come down on orders and we are PCSing this summer. This is the longest we have been anywhere and I am thankful for every moment we have had. At the start of any volunteer gig I would tell them " you have me for as long as you have me, and then I will have to go". While I haven't been able to do much with the FRG, I have helped with MOPS, our church's children's ministry, at my daughter's school. Plus I have also been able to go back to school through My CAA.
This time we are headed south, to the state where he and I met. Where I grew up and my family is. After almost nine years away from my family I will get to spend more time with them. Hubby, the kids and I are excited for the move. There are friends down there that I have made from the years spent thus far in recruiting and I am looking forward to reconnecting with them also.
It is rare to live near family in recruiting so when you are close, even if it is a 12 or so hour drive away. It is good to see them and visit.
The place we found was under the bridge in downtown Akron. It was a nice new development, there were young children around and it was close to the hospital so I was comfortable for the time being that a three bedroom town home would fit our growing family. Looking back it wasn't the most desirable of neighborhoods, as parts of it were more hood and less neighbor. I digress, we made it work for the time that we were there. Hubby ended up not becoming the station commander, he was in a way demoted to just being a recruiter.
I could say that from one perspective I understand, seeing all that he has gone through. But the other part of me was screaming:" Look what he has over come, has he not proven enough that he can do the job and do it well". But I am just a wife.. supporting her husband. That is what I do best.
The spring after arriving in Ohio Bubbles, our youngest, was born. Goosie was not quite 4 and Miniman not quite 2. At this point I was hoping that we would be somewhere for a while so that I could at least catch my proverbial breath. A recruiter that Hubby knew was moving and needed someone to rent his home, so we gladly moved in. The house sits on a hill and is surrounded by a white picket fence. With Hubby being in the Army it is almost something out of a movie, lol! The neighborhood is wonderful, the schools are some of the top in the state and we were able to find a church everyone in the family could grow in.
Once again I started to volunteer, but I was met with a few walls. I tried to make them into doors or even stairs with kindness. Each time I was told in a polite enough way "we don't want you". My heart hurts for the spouses who are being left out and so desperately wanting to be included. It isn't their fault, they are the ones who are being looked over and the spouses of recruiters are possibly a great untapped resource.
We have been in Ohio for three and a half years. Goosie has been able to go through kindergarten and first grade in the same school. Miniman has attended the same Preschool for two years and I was really looking forward to Bubbles attending the same one. But alas, it is not to be. Hubby once again has come down on orders and we are PCSing this summer. This is the longest we have been anywhere and I am thankful for every moment we have had. At the start of any volunteer gig I would tell them " you have me for as long as you have me, and then I will have to go". While I haven't been able to do much with the FRG, I have helped with MOPS, our church's children's ministry, at my daughter's school. Plus I have also been able to go back to school through My CAA.
This time we are headed south, to the state where he and I met. Where I grew up and my family is. After almost nine years away from my family I will get to spend more time with them. Hubby, the kids and I are excited for the move. There are friends down there that I have made from the years spent thus far in recruiting and I am looking forward to reconnecting with them also.
It is rare to live near family in recruiting so when you are close, even if it is a 12 or so hour drive away. It is good to see them and visit.
2nd Duty Station
Finding a house and getting settled when you are almost six months pregnant and it is hard enough to just walk isn't the easiest thing to do, add to that chasing around a not quite two year old. I was tired. We found a place, moved in and started getting settled. That summer I gave birth to our son Miniman. The company commander changed again, this time for a little better. I had continued to volunteer with the FRG.
Mostly just promising myself that if it were up to me another spouse would never go through what I went though when Hubby was in the hospital. I threw myself into volunteering. If there was information I had it and I would pass it along.
The winter after Miniman was born; just before we PCSed once again at the ATC; I was awarded one of the highest awards a civilian can receive. The Volunteer of the Year Award...for the Battalion. It was an honor and I am still bowled over that I received it. After the awards ceremony I asked Mr. Pat how it was that I received such an honor. He told me that since he met me he knew that I was one in a million. After watching all the hurdles being thrown at Hubby and I, he never once saw me back down from helping others. Even after the ones who were in charge of making sure my family and I were taken care of failed me. I still stepped up to the plate and choose to help others. He wanted to encourage me to keep going and that is why he nominated me for the award. I was in tears, and still do tear up thinking back to that day.
Mostly just promising myself that if it were up to me another spouse would never go through what I went though when Hubby was in the hospital. I threw myself into volunteering. If there was information I had it and I would pass it along.
The winter after Miniman was born; just before we PCSed once again at the ATC; I was awarded one of the highest awards a civilian can receive. The Volunteer of the Year Award...for the Battalion. It was an honor and I am still bowled over that I received it. After the awards ceremony I asked Mr. Pat how it was that I received such an honor. He told me that since he met me he knew that I was one in a million. After watching all the hurdles being thrown at Hubby and I, he never once saw me back down from helping others. Even after the ones who were in charge of making sure my family and I were taken care of failed me. I still stepped up to the plate and choose to help others. He wanted to encourage me to keep going and that is why he nominated me for the award. I was in tears, and still do tear up thinking back to that day.
1st Duty Station
Shortly after we were married Hubby became a Buck SGT. The Company Commander changed as did the First Sargent. With chain of command change comes FRG change. The Company Commander is in charge of the FRG, the Commander and anyone who volunteer's. But for the most part the FRG is something that is done for the spouses by the chain of command (and volunteer's). My first experience with an FRG was a good one. The Company Commander and his wife cared about the families and made sure information was not only handed out, but also received and understood. I felt as though Hubby's chain of command cared about me and wanted to be sure I had all the tools I needed to be successful in my own endeavors. Mr. Pat was there also, I knew I could call him with anything and everything. Mr. Pat was one of first family and friends whom we told when we discovered we were having a baby.
Throughout the pregnancy I continued to volunteer. Hubby got word that he was going to be re-stationed.. in the month I was due. I was not looking forward to PCSing while 39/40 weeks pregnant or with a pink newborn. No thank you! Thankfully, since USAREC takes it's time with just about everything our oldest Goosie was 6 months old before we PCSed. We were still in the same Battalion but moved to a new Company, on the other side of the mountains.
Upon arriving to our new duty station Hubby took over a medium sized station as acting Station Commander. He did what would become his usual of starting out as a hard ass, then relaxing things only enough so the stress level wasn't as high. Things were going well for him and we were still adjusting to Spokane and all the new things that come with a new place. Fairchild Air Force Base wasn't far so we went there for our medical. Hubby had been diagnosed with R.S.D before I met him and requires above average care. We were in Spokane for about six months when I woke up one morning to Hubby's voice on the phone. Goosie was still asleep, it was her First birthday. We already had her party the weekend before, she and I were going to enjoy the day together until Hubby got off work. Little did I know that Hubby wouldn't be going into work that day. Hubby was talking to his First Sargent; he had a plan, it was rationalized, justified and he was just waiting. My heart plummeted when I realized that Hubby was completely suicidal. I was going to loose him. I reached out to another Station Commanders wife, she came and watched Goosie while her Hubby and I talked mine into checking himself into the psych ward at the local hospital. I remember him going to lunch with us that day then taking him home to pack a bag for the hospital. I dropped him off that night, and the loneliness started creeping in. I turned to the FRG leader and confided in her all of my thoughts and fears. With my family being so far away and still being quite new to the area, I was thankful for her.
In the first 48 hours of checking into a psych ward the patient is not allowed any outside contact. Those were the loneliest 48 hours I have ever experienced. After dropping him off I picked up Goosie and went home. The bed felt too big without him in it so I cuddled up with Goosie; she and I slept that way until he was released. While he was in the hospital it surprised me to discover that no one was checking on me. I called Mr. Pat and he was shocked that no one had told him. After getting off the phone with Mr. Pat that day, both he and the Chaplin called me off and on to check on Goosie and I .
It was later discovered that the Dr. Hubby had been seeing on base had prescribed him some medication to help with the R.S.D, but didn't prescribe it correctly. The medication was Cymbalta the outcome was I almost lost my husband. I was under the impression that Hubby's chain of command saw him as a problem, they thought he couldn't hack it. So they tried to kick him out of recruiting. It turned out that the FRG leader whom I had confided in took all my confidences to the Company Commander (she wasn't supposed to), armed with that information and the medical stuff, things looked quite dismal for us. The worst didn't happen, but what did happen was we once again were PCSed. This time I was 5 months pregnant. Luckily we were only going two hours away.
I did find out later that the station Hubby was assigned to in Spokane had caused the three previous station commanders to have full mental break downs. They had left the Army completely. Hubby was the only one to survive that station. He went on to being the station commander of a small station again in Sandpoint, Id.
Throughout the pregnancy I continued to volunteer. Hubby got word that he was going to be re-stationed.. in the month I was due. I was not looking forward to PCSing while 39/40 weeks pregnant or with a pink newborn. No thank you! Thankfully, since USAREC takes it's time with just about everything our oldest Goosie was 6 months old before we PCSed. We were still in the same Battalion but moved to a new Company, on the other side of the mountains.
Upon arriving to our new duty station Hubby took over a medium sized station as acting Station Commander. He did what would become his usual of starting out as a hard ass, then relaxing things only enough so the stress level wasn't as high. Things were going well for him and we were still adjusting to Spokane and all the new things that come with a new place. Fairchild Air Force Base wasn't far so we went there for our medical. Hubby had been diagnosed with R.S.D before I met him and requires above average care. We were in Spokane for about six months when I woke up one morning to Hubby's voice on the phone. Goosie was still asleep, it was her First birthday. We already had her party the weekend before, she and I were going to enjoy the day together until Hubby got off work. Little did I know that Hubby wouldn't be going into work that day. Hubby was talking to his First Sargent; he had a plan, it was rationalized, justified and he was just waiting. My heart plummeted when I realized that Hubby was completely suicidal. I was going to loose him. I reached out to another Station Commanders wife, she came and watched Goosie while her Hubby and I talked mine into checking himself into the psych ward at the local hospital. I remember him going to lunch with us that day then taking him home to pack a bag for the hospital. I dropped him off that night, and the loneliness started creeping in. I turned to the FRG leader and confided in her all of my thoughts and fears. With my family being so far away and still being quite new to the area, I was thankful for her.
In the first 48 hours of checking into a psych ward the patient is not allowed any outside contact. Those were the loneliest 48 hours I have ever experienced. After dropping him off I picked up Goosie and went home. The bed felt too big without him in it so I cuddled up with Goosie; she and I slept that way until he was released. While he was in the hospital it surprised me to discover that no one was checking on me. I called Mr. Pat and he was shocked that no one had told him. After getting off the phone with Mr. Pat that day, both he and the Chaplin called me off and on to check on Goosie and I .
It was later discovered that the Dr. Hubby had been seeing on base had prescribed him some medication to help with the R.S.D, but didn't prescribe it correctly. The medication was Cymbalta the outcome was I almost lost my husband. I was under the impression that Hubby's chain of command saw him as a problem, they thought he couldn't hack it. So they tried to kick him out of recruiting. It turned out that the FRG leader whom I had confided in took all my confidences to the Company Commander (she wasn't supposed to), armed with that information and the medical stuff, things looked quite dismal for us. The worst didn't happen, but what did happen was we once again were PCSed. This time I was 5 months pregnant. Luckily we were only going two hours away.
I did find out later that the station Hubby was assigned to in Spokane had caused the three previous station commanders to have full mental break downs. They had left the Army completely. Hubby was the only one to survive that station. He went on to being the station commander of a small station again in Sandpoint, Id.
In The Beginning
This is a picture of My Recruiter and I, in the beginning. It was about nine years ago, at my first A.T.C (Annual Training Conference). We had met just a few short months before hand when he was in Station Commander's School at Fort Jackson. I knew that he was in the ARMY, but I wasn't sure what all recruiting entailed. We were stationed in 6th Brigade Olympia Company and my life as a Recruiters Spouse was about to begin.. I was his girlfriend.
He was in charge of a small station, located in a mall and had one other recruiter reporting to him. We lived in an apartment about a mile away from the beach in Washington. The closest base was Fort Lewis and it was a few hours drive away. We were alone.. on our own. With the closest family being a three hour drive away and not really knowing anyone in the area, we learned quick to depend on each other.
For the most part I felt alone. I didn't know the other recruiter's spouse.. she had children and I didn't. There were a few F.R.G meetings and a company Christmas party, with his station being at least an hour away from another one there really wasn't anyone I felt I could talk to that would understand how I felt and what I was going through with the long hours and loneliness. November of that year at A.T.C I met the Soldier Family Assistant Mr. Pat. Little did I know that he would shape much of the ideas I have about what it means to be a Recruiter's Spouse and how you support those around you. Mr. Pat was wonderful. Many would have not given me much time in the spousal training because I was a girlfriend and there wasn't a guarantee that I would be around for very long. Mr. Pat still took time for me and passed on information that would help me later.
In the early days I didn't have a car (by choice), a job, or really much of anything except this man whom I had fallen in love with and wanted more then anything to be with. He would leave for work around 0730 in the morning and not come home until 1830-1900 almost every night.
Sometime before Christmas my Recruiter boyfriend decided that he was going to change his MOS. He would from then on be a 79R.. a recruiter for the rest of his career. I didn't know what that meant except that things would continue as they had been since I had met him. No over seas deployments in a war zone, no extended time away for huge amounts of time.. he would be home. At the start of everyday I would see him and at the end of every night I would go to sleep in his arms. Not a bad gig, it could be worse.
Three day's before Christmas we were engaged and the following February we were married.
It was a small ceremony in my parents sun room in the state where we met. Then it was a quick flight back to Washington state so he could go back to work. Now just as his government cell phone was always in arms reach, I was by his side.. but I promised him that I would be here longer then that thing was (lol)!
There weren't many jobs to be had and we didn't have any children yet so I started volunteering. First at a local library shelving books, then I became the youngest member of a quilter's guild and learned to quilt.. I also began meetings at my Recruiter Spouse's office. When he would have functions for the young men and women who were shipping off to basic to learn cadences, map reading and other things. I took the parents. siblings, spouses, fiancées and girlfriends into another room and helped them with the transition as well. This was the start in my passion for passing along information to those who need and want it.
Sure we weren't near a base, family and there were few if any other military families around.. but we made friends (some of which we still have).
So we began this life in recruiting some what together. Hubby was in it two years before I came along, but we have learned to navigate these at times white waters together and I hope that my experiences will encourage you to know that you are not alone. Other's have gone before you and conquered this MOS, other's will come after you and marvel that you navigated through it. If I may assist you with a seasoned perspective.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Test Results
As of late I have not been feeling very well. So I made a trip to my regular Dr. who then sent me off for testing. None of the testing hurt or was awful. I did get my test results back this morning. They were normal. Except my bones, specifically in my lower back.
Apparently your bones get as strong as they will ever get when you are in your 20's and by the age of 30 they are at their complete strongest. After the age of 30 you start loosing bone mass. This is my problem. I am loosing bone mass. Not enough for it to be called osteoporosis, just enough for the Dr. to take notice. She sent me home telling me that I needed to start a calcium and vitamin D supplement along with weight bearing exercises.
On the way home I did what I think all women do. I called my sister (or a friend if your are sister-less). I asked if she knew of any family history of low bone density. She said no, then we caught up on day to day things. I am so thankful for my sisters. So when I got home I did what anyone with a computer and a search engine would do and I looked it up. Here is One and here is the Other. I also plan to get out my medical books and do research on my own. It is better to be informed about one's health then absentminded about it.
I knew my bones were important.. I just didn't realize how fast they could change. I have had increasing lower back problems since I was pregnant with Goosie. I thought that it got worse afterwards because the anesthesiologist stuck me 12 times for the epidural. Twenty-two months later with Miniman in a different hospital another 6 times and finally with Bubbles another 22 months later only 3 times. So my poor back has been put through the ringer. It probably doesn't help that almost all of my hobbies are sedentary I don't have to move around very much.
So I will drink more milk and get a tan.. I will also make walking much more of a priority. I want to be healthy for myself. Until next time dear readers.. be blessed.
Apparently your bones get as strong as they will ever get when you are in your 20's and by the age of 30 they are at their complete strongest. After the age of 30 you start loosing bone mass. This is my problem. I am loosing bone mass. Not enough for it to be called osteoporosis, just enough for the Dr. to take notice. She sent me home telling me that I needed to start a calcium and vitamin D supplement along with weight bearing exercises.
On the way home I did what I think all women do. I called my sister (or a friend if your are sister-less). I asked if she knew of any family history of low bone density. She said no, then we caught up on day to day things. I am so thankful for my sisters. So when I got home I did what anyone with a computer and a search engine would do and I looked it up. Here is One and here is the Other. I also plan to get out my medical books and do research on my own. It is better to be informed about one's health then absentminded about it.
I knew my bones were important.. I just didn't realize how fast they could change. I have had increasing lower back problems since I was pregnant with Goosie. I thought that it got worse afterwards because the anesthesiologist stuck me 12 times for the epidural. Twenty-two months later with Miniman in a different hospital another 6 times and finally with Bubbles another 22 months later only 3 times. So my poor back has been put through the ringer. It probably doesn't help that almost all of my hobbies are sedentary I don't have to move around very much.
So I will drink more milk and get a tan.. I will also make walking much more of a priority. I want to be healthy for myself. Until next time dear readers.. be blessed.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Marinating
I came up with a little phrase when I decided that I needed to really think about something. If someone asked me a question and I needed to research and stuff in order to give an answer I would simply say that " I need to marinate on it". I have been marinating on a good bit lately. And as you can imagine some marinades are better then others.. they lend themselves to a more flavorful result.
I am forever looking for things to encourage my children with and have come across something spectacular. I recently finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. The plot alone lent it's self to a marinade.. the colorful characters and over all humanity of the piece is truly a must read. One of the characters sees an injustice and although she is limited in her sphere of influence she chooses to be kind. She looks at this sweet little girl who is all but set aside by her Momma, and reminds her everyday that she is kind, smart and important. These things are not said enough to our children. If they were there would be a much different tone to the world then what is there now. So now I say to my girls every night after their blessings that they are kind, smart, important and beautiful. To my son I tell him that he is kind, smart, important and handsome. I want my little ones to grow up with those things ingrained in their minds. Cause if you hear it enough you start to think that it is true and if you think it is true.. well you get the point. I know that the battle for their self image starts now.. it started before now I just didn't know what fertilizer to give it. So now I will tend the garden of their self images a little closer and hopefully weed out any unwanted negatives that may sprout like weeds.
Something else I got from the book was writing down my prayers. Too many times I have started to pray and been distracted. I have tried different ways to keep myself focused to no avail. So now I am writing. I will write until I can think of no one/nothing else to pray for. My Mom used to tell me that I have a way with words and I seem to be really good at it when I can't think of the right ones to say. So I write.. sometimes until my hands hurt, my mind goes blank of all the worries and stresses I have in life and I am left a shell of unrelenting gratefulness. Prayer it is a good thing.
I also know that I am a sugar addict. I fully enjoy sweets, carbs, and anything that is remotely unhealthy for me. A few days ago I decided to start weaning myself from these addictions. I have switched to hot tea in the morning as I don't like as much sugar in it as coffee. I am also switching to whole grains and getting rid of the white bread. I really need to work on getting the right foods in my body so I have started drinking V8. At least one glass a day. I actually feel much better since starting. Imagine that! I need to keep this up.. and go to the gym. Need to!!
My meal planning has taken a bit of a hit as I am in a food rut. I don't want to force my decisions on the rest of my family.. so I am making the same things over and over again. I have started couponing. I am not an extreme couponer by any means. I still think I pay too much for food. But I am trying and I will have my container garden up and running again this year. I already have a herb garden started in the window of my kitchen. I want so badly to learn more about the uses of the plants around me. My friend A is good with that stuff. She and I met while at an AFTB gig a few years ago. She and her husband have a turn key farm in WV just waiting for their return. I must say of this I am green with envy of her! A is diligent in taking care of her family and she knows from memory just what to give for what ever ails them. A fine woman indeed! Anyone who knows her should take notes from her how to care efficiently/effectively for their families.
I have also gotten the FRG started in the company we are stationed in. I am looking forward to putting out the first newsletter at the beginning of next month. My knitting and quilting have not taken a back seat either. I just finished an adorable shrug for Goosie in her favorite color of course and have started on one for Bubbles. Miniman has requested a vest. So much to do. Now that we are closer to my family I am trying to include my nieces as well. My hands are almost tirelessly working. There is a quilt I have been working on and honestly it is taking me so long because it is someone else's emotional journey. To see pictures of a loved one who is no longer in this physical realm, is not an easy thing. I hope to bring her comfort if nothing else.
There is so much I want to do. When I get a headache that makes it so I can't do anything I think about all the things I have left unfinished. If I went to sleep and never woke up (a fear of mine when I get a migraine) everything I still have left to finish crowds my mind. The only comfort I take is that if it is my time to go I am ready. I have completed what I was meant to do in this world and that gives me peace enough to rest(if I wasn't finished I will remain). So when the world gets me all worked up and there is nothing I can do because my body wont move. I admit I run through all the things I hope and dream for. The things I can't wait to do, the concerns I have wondering if I have done enough as a wife and mother. That no matter if I wake up the next morning or not; my family.. the Big and the Little (my friends as well) know that I love and cherish each and every one of them. Hubby and I were talking about how we measure success at the end of each day. He (understandably) measures it on mission completion and how well he has done his job. I measure my success by how well I loved them. If I go to bed each night and know that my loved ones know how truly treasured they are.. I have had a successful day.
So I challenge you dear readers to marinate. Think, consider and really process your day. Both before it begins in prayer and at the end of it in prayer. Your marinates will determine your flavor in this life and the flavor that lingers with others. Until next time Dear Readers.. be blessed!
I am forever looking for things to encourage my children with and have come across something spectacular. I recently finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. The plot alone lent it's self to a marinade.. the colorful characters and over all humanity of the piece is truly a must read. One of the characters sees an injustice and although she is limited in her sphere of influence she chooses to be kind. She looks at this sweet little girl who is all but set aside by her Momma, and reminds her everyday that she is kind, smart and important. These things are not said enough to our children. If they were there would be a much different tone to the world then what is there now. So now I say to my girls every night after their blessings that they are kind, smart, important and beautiful. To my son I tell him that he is kind, smart, important and handsome. I want my little ones to grow up with those things ingrained in their minds. Cause if you hear it enough you start to think that it is true and if you think it is true.. well you get the point. I know that the battle for their self image starts now.. it started before now I just didn't know what fertilizer to give it. So now I will tend the garden of their self images a little closer and hopefully weed out any unwanted negatives that may sprout like weeds.
Something else I got from the book was writing down my prayers. Too many times I have started to pray and been distracted. I have tried different ways to keep myself focused to no avail. So now I am writing. I will write until I can think of no one/nothing else to pray for. My Mom used to tell me that I have a way with words and I seem to be really good at it when I can't think of the right ones to say. So I write.. sometimes until my hands hurt, my mind goes blank of all the worries and stresses I have in life and I am left a shell of unrelenting gratefulness. Prayer it is a good thing.
I also know that I am a sugar addict. I fully enjoy sweets, carbs, and anything that is remotely unhealthy for me. A few days ago I decided to start weaning myself from these addictions. I have switched to hot tea in the morning as I don't like as much sugar in it as coffee. I am also switching to whole grains and getting rid of the white bread. I really need to work on getting the right foods in my body so I have started drinking V8. At least one glass a day. I actually feel much better since starting. Imagine that! I need to keep this up.. and go to the gym. Need to!!
My meal planning has taken a bit of a hit as I am in a food rut. I don't want to force my decisions on the rest of my family.. so I am making the same things over and over again. I have started couponing. I am not an extreme couponer by any means. I still think I pay too much for food. But I am trying and I will have my container garden up and running again this year. I already have a herb garden started in the window of my kitchen. I want so badly to learn more about the uses of the plants around me. My friend A is good with that stuff. She and I met while at an AFTB gig a few years ago. She and her husband have a turn key farm in WV just waiting for their return. I must say of this I am green with envy of her! A is diligent in taking care of her family and she knows from memory just what to give for what ever ails them. A fine woman indeed! Anyone who knows her should take notes from her how to care efficiently/effectively for their families.
I have also gotten the FRG started in the company we are stationed in. I am looking forward to putting out the first newsletter at the beginning of next month. My knitting and quilting have not taken a back seat either. I just finished an adorable shrug for Goosie in her favorite color of course and have started on one for Bubbles. Miniman has requested a vest. So much to do. Now that we are closer to my family I am trying to include my nieces as well. My hands are almost tirelessly working. There is a quilt I have been working on and honestly it is taking me so long because it is someone else's emotional journey. To see pictures of a loved one who is no longer in this physical realm, is not an easy thing. I hope to bring her comfort if nothing else.
There is so much I want to do. When I get a headache that makes it so I can't do anything I think about all the things I have left unfinished. If I went to sleep and never woke up (a fear of mine when I get a migraine) everything I still have left to finish crowds my mind. The only comfort I take is that if it is my time to go I am ready. I have completed what I was meant to do in this world and that gives me peace enough to rest(if I wasn't finished I will remain). So when the world gets me all worked up and there is nothing I can do because my body wont move. I admit I run through all the things I hope and dream for. The things I can't wait to do, the concerns I have wondering if I have done enough as a wife and mother. That no matter if I wake up the next morning or not; my family.. the Big and the Little (my friends as well) know that I love and cherish each and every one of them. Hubby and I were talking about how we measure success at the end of each day. He (understandably) measures it on mission completion and how well he has done his job. I measure my success by how well I loved them. If I go to bed each night and know that my loved ones know how truly treasured they are.. I have had a successful day.
So I challenge you dear readers to marinate. Think, consider and really process your day. Both before it begins in prayer and at the end of it in prayer. Your marinates will determine your flavor in this life and the flavor that lingers with others. Until next time Dear Readers.. be blessed!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A Time of Reflection
Nine years ago this evening I married Hubby. I chose to choose him for the rest of my life, not just with my heart, but with my mind. I remember that morning going to IHOP with my parents and sister V. Then it was off to run some last minute errands, afterwards we were back at my parents house getting things ready. I peeled 15 lbs of potatoes that early afternoon so that there would be enough mashed potatoes for the BBQ that evening. Every year I sit and reflect on how Hubby and I started. Every year I am still amazed at God's goodness.
As I think about how it started I can't help but also reflect on the things we have been through. There are many times I know that I was not walking, nor was Hubby. We were carried. Someone once asked me to answer three questions: 1. Do you see how God brought you together? 2. What impossible thing has he accomplished in your relationship? 3. How is God still working on/in you? I answered all of those questions.. and see different aspects of each. Sure there are the blanket answers, there are also the ones that when you look more closely you can see the details.
I believe that before Hubby was born God made me for him. There were things that each of us needed to go through to prepare us for the other. Everyone that came before me was preparing Hubby for me. And everyone that came before Hubby was preparing me for him. I am grateful for each person who has passed through my life, who helped make me who I needed to be for Hubby. It took us a while to find each other, and admittedly I had been praying for Hubby for quite some time.
My sister N got married when I was about 13 and I remember her new mother-in-law saying that she had been praying for my sister since her son was born. All I could think was how wonderful it would be to say to my future spouse that I had been praying for them for __ years. So that month I started praying for Hubby and I kept a journal addressing it to Love as I didn't know his name yet. There were times I admit I thought that the guy I was "dating" was the one. Admittedly I was more then a little boy crazy.. I was borderline psycho (hind sight is 20/20) . All I wanted was what my sisters had. Someone to call my own, and I would attach myself to whomever showed interest. I would even change the things I did to make the other person happy. It was the ones who never expected me to change and accepted me as I was who really made the biggest difference. Because there wasn't pressure to change I was able to learn something new about myself. Which in itself is an invaluable lesson.
I have been doing a great deal of reflection lately. I can see better how the events and changes in my life have made me who I am and how I see things the way I do. I feel badly for treating some in my past the way that I did. I know that some I will never get the chance to show my contrition to. So I pray for them now. I pray that they will find forgiveness for me and that they will be fulfilled in their own lives.
Before I met Hubby I had a list of everything I didn't want. Hubby was pretty much the list.. and I am grateful for it. I wasn't looking for him, I even had a friend who told me that he wasn't my type. There have been ups and downs since then. Many things have happened, a few states and houses later.. we are returned close to where it all started. We met and married only 1 1/2 hours away from where we live. I traveled down there recently. I passed by places I used to work, hang out, go to school. The different places I met people and it all came flooding back.
How blessed I am to be where I am right now. To have Hubby in my life and heart. The three blessings that try my patience and test me only to make me grow. The gratitude I have for Hubby. I know that I would be a different person without him. He never asked me to change who I was or what I did. He simply accepted me with all the flaws and short comings. Hubby has challenged and supported me to grow and become more of myself. Sure when I left everything and everyone to be with him I had only known him for a week (and talked on the phone to him for a few more). But I had a peace.. some didn't understand it and I am sure thought that I was off my rocker. But 9 years later here we are, as strong as ever. If there is anything I am 100% sure of it is Hubby's love for me and I know that we are here because God brought us together.
Happy Anniversary!
As I think about how it started I can't help but also reflect on the things we have been through. There are many times I know that I was not walking, nor was Hubby. We were carried. Someone once asked me to answer three questions: 1. Do you see how God brought you together? 2. What impossible thing has he accomplished in your relationship? 3. How is God still working on/in you? I answered all of those questions.. and see different aspects of each. Sure there are the blanket answers, there are also the ones that when you look more closely you can see the details.
I believe that before Hubby was born God made me for him. There were things that each of us needed to go through to prepare us for the other. Everyone that came before me was preparing Hubby for me. And everyone that came before Hubby was preparing me for him. I am grateful for each person who has passed through my life, who helped make me who I needed to be for Hubby. It took us a while to find each other, and admittedly I had been praying for Hubby for quite some time.
My sister N got married when I was about 13 and I remember her new mother-in-law saying that she had been praying for my sister since her son was born. All I could think was how wonderful it would be to say to my future spouse that I had been praying for them for __ years. So that month I started praying for Hubby and I kept a journal addressing it to Love as I didn't know his name yet. There were times I admit I thought that the guy I was "dating" was the one. Admittedly I was more then a little boy crazy.. I was borderline psycho (hind sight is 20/20) . All I wanted was what my sisters had. Someone to call my own, and I would attach myself to whomever showed interest. I would even change the things I did to make the other person happy. It was the ones who never expected me to change and accepted me as I was who really made the biggest difference. Because there wasn't pressure to change I was able to learn something new about myself. Which in itself is an invaluable lesson.
I have been doing a great deal of reflection lately. I can see better how the events and changes in my life have made me who I am and how I see things the way I do. I feel badly for treating some in my past the way that I did. I know that some I will never get the chance to show my contrition to. So I pray for them now. I pray that they will find forgiveness for me and that they will be fulfilled in their own lives.
Before I met Hubby I had a list of everything I didn't want. Hubby was pretty much the list.. and I am grateful for it. I wasn't looking for him, I even had a friend who told me that he wasn't my type. There have been ups and downs since then. Many things have happened, a few states and houses later.. we are returned close to where it all started. We met and married only 1 1/2 hours away from where we live. I traveled down there recently. I passed by places I used to work, hang out, go to school. The different places I met people and it all came flooding back.
How blessed I am to be where I am right now. To have Hubby in my life and heart. The three blessings that try my patience and test me only to make me grow. The gratitude I have for Hubby. I know that I would be a different person without him. He never asked me to change who I was or what I did. He simply accepted me with all the flaws and short comings. Hubby has challenged and supported me to grow and become more of myself. Sure when I left everything and everyone to be with him I had only known him for a week (and talked on the phone to him for a few more). But I had a peace.. some didn't understand it and I am sure thought that I was off my rocker. But 9 years later here we are, as strong as ever. If there is anything I am 100% sure of it is Hubby's love for me and I know that we are here because God brought us together.
Happy Anniversary!
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