Guard Your Heart (Poem written 1999)

A love lost is better then a lust gained. A broken heart can heal with time but a broken spirit can crumble a person, so Guard your Heart.

Hold yourself in high regard, If you belittle yourself others will too, so

Guard your Mind.

If a person truly respects you hands off should never be an issue, so

Guard your Body.

If you feel uncomfortable in a situation or you see something happening

that doesn't seem quite right, stand up for yourself

step up for others, Guard your Reputation.

If ever there is a doubtful question about someone, don't get too attached,

Guard your Emotions.

Some people are only out for themselves, don't be their doormat,

Guard Yourself.

If in the pits of your stomach you doubt, get out,

Guard your Spirit.

Walls can be rebuilt,

Cities left in ruins can be renewed.

The heart of a nation can be attacked,

it can crumble like bread and still not be swayed.

A Nation can guard it's heart.. why can't you?

She was me (a poem)

I see these pictures
A girl is there
Who is quick to laugh
Finds it easy to smile
And looks as if there is not a thing
to concern herself with

Beside these pictures
I find poetry
I read a few and find
The face was false

There were worries
Too many cares
The thoughts that shouted
for someone to be there

Did she not know,
Could she not see
She was surrounded
She was not free

There were people who shaped her
Things that made her
Decisions that would haunt her
And experiences that she would look back
only to find a smile

How do I know this girl so
intimately?
That is an easy answer
She was me.

My Only Prayer

I wrote this 11 years ago when I was 17.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me walk this road today. I know sometimes I will stumble and I will stray. Help me be the kind of person you want to use in every way. Help me show the strangers on the street and everyone I meet the love I found in you. And as I walk I pray that I will grow closer to you in every way. Help me be strong when I feel weak. Set me in the right direction though there are many I may seek. Everyday that I live in you, let others see your love, and let me be as a shadow. Help me know that everything will be okay as you work in me everyday. I pray that I will be an instrument for you to use and that one day I will walk with you on the streets of gold beside the crystal sea. Lord I know you will always be with me. This is my only prayer.
Amen.

Flutterbye... The last

Four Months ago I gave birth for the third and final time. My heart I think will always ache for more children, but my common sense tells me that it is time to stop. If you read my blog about home birthing you already have read her birth story. So here in this entry I will tell you about my youngest...

She has the brightest smile I think I have ever seen. As much as Goosie is a Daddies girl, she is a Mommies girl. At times I am sure it is frustrating to Hubby when it seems she wants nothing at all to do with him. But then I am breastfeeding, and that more then likely has a lot to do with it! I am sure when she gets even just a little older she will realize what a playmate she has in her Daddy.
When I look at my little Flutterbye she is usually covered in spit bubbles. She really likes blowing them. She also recently found her tongue and in all hilarity is trying to figure out what to do with it. Flutterbye and Goosie are very enamored with each other. It takes nothing more then for Goosie to make silly faces at Flutterbye, for Flutterbye to reward her with a toothless grin!

There are other times when I look at my little girl and see how much she has already grown and I am sad. Sad that she will be the last baby of mine I hold. The last one that was grown and nurtured in my body and is now out in this crazy world where I can only protect her for so long.
I have already been praying for her, just as I have prayed for my other two. My sweet babies, will you ever truly understand my love for you?

Oh the brightness of her small smile greets me like the morning sun.
When she curls up on me I am warmed, as if from a crackling fire.
In all my life I never dreamed I could love, as much as I do now.
I am overwhelmed and satiated with my childerens love for me.
I am a Mom and that is a title I now carry through eternity.

I guess I should have thought about a break before I had kids

I guess I should have thought about a break before kids....
So we have added to our family and once again we need to figure out time. Time spent alone with each of the kids, each other and alone. Things in life get stressful and when you have kids it just seems to add to it. A break would be nice. Just some time of solitude would be nice too. Peace and quiet would be highly appreciated.
Don't get me wrong I love my kids. All three of them, and it isn't the youngest that makes the most noise (surprisingly). They are each just demanding in their own right. I was thinking about mortality today. That we aren't promised tomorrow. I know that Hubby had a huge scare in the hospital just before the birth of Flutterby. Then the message this morning at church... well it all got me thinking. I cherish my big little family. Each and every member of it. Sure they stress me out and my headaches, but with out just one of them my heart would ache and there would be a gaping hole where something would be missing. With out my husband I would only be 1/2 the parent that my kids need me to be. And I know that he feels the same about me. Without just one of my children, my family would be incomplete and I would be left wanting something more. What could/ would I do without them. I am at a loss.


I guess I should have thought about a break before we had kids.
I guess I should have spent more time doing what I wanted to before I gave my time away.
I guess I should have done more things that made me more of an adult.
I guess I should have relaxed more instead of stressing out over drama.
I guess I should have saved more money, because now it seems there is never enough.
I guess I should have done a lot of things, but they would never be enough.
Without my little family sure I could do more, but then I wouldn't have as many faces to fall in love with, come home to, wake up with, and so much more.
Kids they take so much and sometimes when you least expect it, they give so much more back.