Chronic Pain is something that doesn't just affect the person who has been diagnosed with it. It affects everyone around that person and most severely those who love them the most. As a adult it is a little easier to understand that there is something that has taken over your loved ones body, mind and emotions. Something that threatens to tear both them and you apart. The harder part is separating the disease from the person.This is where it gets a little tricky.. you have to know their heart.
Hubby was diagnosed with Chronic Pain before we met. He has been living with it since 2000 and I have been experiencing it second hand since 2002. There have been crazy amounts of medications just to deal with the pain. Don't get me started on the side effects. Almost two years ago Hubby told me that he wanted to change for himself and for our family. He didn't feel that he was the husband, father or solider that he wanted to be. So he slowly weaned off the medications with his doctors help. Then came the spinal surgery and afterwards the three days in rehab to finally be drug free. His doctor waited until after the surgery for the last detox. I understand why, it was the hardest.
It is hard to see someone you love slowly be changed by medication that is supposed to be helping. Throw three kids in the mix through out all of that and you have my little family. It was hard for him to go through and hard for me to watch, standing on the sidelines knowing that I could do nothing to help. I tried very hard to keep the kids lives normal. I didn't want what Hubby was going through to effect them negatively. Neither did Hubby. He kept the worst of it from them, and from me. I prayed in thanksgiving that they were all going to be too young to remember. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and we were all ready for it.
Recently Hubby has been having problems with his back. At times he is in so much pain that it hurts to breathe. I ache for him. I would give anything to take his pain and place it upon myself. Even for just a few hours so that he would find some relief. My life revolves around Hubby and our children. I would do anything for them and spare nothing to see that they are well cared for. So this new challenge we have ahead of us seems once again daunting. Once again I will call to the one who carries me through. I will pray diligently, love with out boundaries, tend to Hubby and our children with all that I have. At the end of each day I am sure I will be once again spent. So I ask my Heavenly Father to pour into me as I sleep so when I awake I can pour into my family once more. I am confidant that Hubby will do a stand up job at work and will continue to do all he has done in the past. Chronic Pain may be his diagnosis, but it is not his life. It is just one more thing to overcome. And if Hubby is anything he is well versed in the art of conquering.
I am proud of Hubby. Not just because he is a fighter.. I a proud of him for his heart. I had nothing to do with it's shaping, but I am privileged to experience it everyday. He pours his heart into his family and his work. He is a good man who lives the values he learned in basic training. His heart overcomes all that is thrown at it, still finding strength to love and be loved in return. Are there bad day's? Yes, but bad day's are only a reminder to think of all the good ones.
Until next time dear readers, Be Blessed!
