Growing.. a journey

While at work last night an older woman came in, I could tell that she had children, a husband and probably some grandchildren. But she was there, alone. At first I thought of how sad it must be to go out on a Friday night by yourself for dinner. Then I remembered a promise I made to myself.. and my future spouse.

I had just come out of a three and a half year long relationship. I had been with the young man since I was 17 and we had been engaged. It was a hard break up, I think ,for both of us. After a time of healing he had found someone else. The breakup was in February and he called with the new engagement news in May.He told me then that he wanted me to hear it from him first.. I am grateful for that. It did bring closure. I remember thinking that I wanted to get back together with him before he called. He was a logical choice. A college degree, our families got along, we worked well together as a couple. But there would be something missing. I know now that he and I both knew that, so we went our separate ways. It was a month before my 21st birthday and I never thought I would be spending it alone. Yet there I was. Alone, and uncomfortable. I decided that the only way I would know if I were truly happy with someone else was to become truly happy with myself. Alone. In the quiet moments when no one is around and the only one to comfort you is yourself. I started a journey after his phone call, it was one I don't think will ever end. You see as you grow and change you need to become truly happy along the way. Maturity is not a destination it is an on going journey to self realization. Yes, you will make mistakes along the way, but how much you choose to learn from those mistakes determines how much you will mature and grow. That day I made a promise.. I promised never to make a promise that I couldn't or wouldn't keep,and I would be truly comfortable with myself before getting into a serious relationship.
Miley Cyrus sings a song about getting where you are going and I think that it is true for everyone. There are still times when I find myself a little out of sorts..when Hubby tells me to get out of the house and take some time for myself. I know that he is encouraging me to fulfill my own promise. It is not just one I made to myself.. I made it to him too. I had not met Hubby yet. I had no clue where or who he even was. But I did make that promise. Two people can share a life together but if they make their life solely rely on the other person.. it is not good for either. We as individuals have to learn to be comfortable and confident all by ourselves. It's not easy.. sometimes it is quite hard. But I can promise you that it is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself and for your future spouse.  Grow into and find yourself. The most challenging way to do that is without the love and grace of God. The most fulfilling is with it. I learned years ago that I am never alone. Not really. My Heavenly Father is with me. When I was making some really rash life changing decisions.. I had a peace. When I had no clue at times what I was getting myself or others into.. we were shielded and protected. I know that things could have gone a worse way than what they have. My sister S reminded me of that when she was dropping me off at the bus station almost eight and a half years ago.." we will see in the news that they found your body in the woods.. somewhere up there in Washington". Through it all I had a peace.. I had made a promise. I know that, that is another post all in it's self.. maybe I will share it..but then maybe I already have (?) it's so hard to keep track of all the thoughts that scramble through my head sometimes.
There is a little peek. Growing is a journey and while physically it ends at a certain age ( my friends like to remind me that I stopped around the age of most 5th graders)..mentally, spiritually and maturity wise; we should never stop. If you have stopped growing then I would ask if you have felt challenged lately? Have you felt convicted about something or judged? In these areas that we feel the most conviction and judgement are the ones that require the most forward growth. " Always be a person of your word.. if your word is no good.. then what are you?" My Dad gave me that advice during the time frame I mentioned above. I have strived to be a person of my word.. and it makes me think carefully before giving it.
Be careful my children.. grow by yourself before you expect someone to grow with you. Be truly happy with who you are as you walk this journey we all call life.. take the time to get to know yourself again after every big life event. And when you do ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I happy?
2. Have I kept my word?
3. Do I feel challenged or judged?
4. What area's in my life can I grow the most in?

If you can be honest with yourself.. you will have no regrets. You will learn from every situation. Before making a decision or commitment you will look at the subject from every angle and will have thought of others needs before yourself. Finding yourself is as easy as loosing yourself in the Lord.. but sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

Be Blessed

7 Quick Takes (vol.4)

 It's Friday and that means it's time for a quick run down of the week and random thoughts. Check out conversiondiary if you would like to read more interesting posts.. On to the show as they say.

1~   Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man I know.. Hubby!! I could not imagine my life without him in it.  I was telling him last night that there is a song that reminds me of my life without him by JJ Heller. I know it was written about the love of God.. but I have been blessed to have someone who truly loves me for me. Hubby, you are wonderful. There is another song that reminds me of my life before him..Rascal Flatts sings it.. the other is one for after Hubby and I met, (sure it is from the perspective of a man) but I truly feel like a person under a waterfall.. just trying to get as much of him as I can. Hubby's love and presence is so refreshing to me. At the end of the day no matter how long or short.. when Hubby walks in things are automatically better. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him and there is even less I would be able to do without him. Hubby certainly makes my life more... well just more.  So though my words are few.. they mean very much. Hubby.. I love, appreciate, adore, and am overwhelmed by you. I hope you have a wonderful day today.. and a year full of blessings.

2~  I was talking to my friend H.. we were out shopping, and admittedly we were in the dressing room of VS and she was giving me advice on the different bra's I was trying on. H is one of those friends. I know I can trust her with anything and she will be there for me no matter what. I am comfortable with her.. she is like a sister to me. My friend S was there also and she is a blast also! H is a military brat all grown up and S is a military wife. So the three of us together.. lets just say it's a good time! H was telling me that my modesty is in my head that there is nothing wrong with the way I dress and that if I were her daughter, she would have no issue with my clothes. S tells me that I don't have enough fun with my clothes. The jest of what I got from the whole day.. lighten up! It's great to wear poka dots even if Hubby and I are the only ones who see it.. that just makes it more exciting. I am thankful for my girlfriends! Everyone needs at least one good one and I am blessed to have two where we are now!

3~ The Icky Sicky's are still not out of the house. Hubby is still not feeling well, it has taken him longer to get better then it did me and that does concern me. Miniman woke-up with a fever this morning, so I am keeping an eye on him. For now Miniman wants oatmeal.. for every meal.. with just a little butter, milk and sugar. I don't mind, there are worse things he could want to eat. Goosie still has a bit of a cough. But nothing that is concerning. I am sure we will all be better very soon.

4~ Bubbles has been testing me. She is potty trained, but has the idea that I need to go to the bathroom with her.. every time she has to go. If I don't go with her she will just stand there and pee herself. This is very frustrating for me. I am not sure what to do about it.. any advice?? I want her to go to the bathroom without me.. she is mostly just going pee. She has a potty seat, a little potty and everything. I am just at a loss. Bubbles only does it at home, so that is a relief.

5~ Hubby wants to go back to the infantry. He has been in recruiting for the past ten years and really wants a change of pace. He has already made phone calls and there are position's where he could be of use. But there is paper work, he has to be released from USAREC and all the jazz that goes with it. So he tells me that we may be moving, as soon as May, or as late as November. There is no way to tell and that is if we move this year. The higher-ups may decide to keep him around for an extra year. Hubby has decided that he is going to stay in a little longer so that Goosie will be able to use all of the GI bill for college. That way we only have to save up for two instead of three college tuition's. And lets face it the cost of college is only going to go up, so it will be nice to have one paid for. No idea's yet when, but Hubby says that he has a choice of where. The Army will ultimately decide between.. Germany, Italy, Hawaii, Colorado, or Kentucky. But again all of this is up in the air and there is only a small chance of the move happening. It is all just a hurry up and wait.

6~ I want to clean things out.. again. There are so many things that are just taking up space. Things in the basement that haven't seen the light of day in at least a year if not more, linens that I am sure other people could use and dishes that we just have too many of.  I would really like to minimize on everything. The toy's, clothes, dishes, linens, all the extras in the garage and basement that are just stuff. They don't come out of boxes and there is really no reason to hold on to them. So even without the thought of a possible move.. I need to clean things out again. Too much stuff is not good for anyone!

7~ Mommy Moment: I know I know as if the potty training wasn't enough here I go with a Mommy Moment of the week. It is more of a memory really. I remember Goosie and how smart she really is. It happened when I was pregnant with Bubbles. Hubby was working that day as usual and I had to take both Goosie and Miniman with me to my O.B. appointment. Miniman was still young enough to be distracted by books that made noise so I had him strapped in the stroller facing the wall beside the table. Goosie was a little more wiggly and had many more questions. First was listening to the heartbeat, that is such a wonderful sound when you are pregnant. It is just a little thing that lets you know that baby is okay. Then the measurements.. and when you are in the last month of your pregnancy the internal exam to check for dilation and effacement.  It was during one of these last month visits that Goosie poised her questions. The conversation went something like this:

Goosie: " Mommy, how did the baby get inside your belly?"
Me: " Well, one night Mommy and Daddy prayed and asked God to put a baby in my belly, then we went to sleep and when Mommy woke up the next morning there was a baby in my belly."

This seemed to satisfy her query until after the exam.. then came another question.

Goosie: " Mommy, how will the baby get out of your belly?"
Me: " How do you think the baby will come out?"  ( I wanted to see how much she knew and could figure out on her own)
Goosie: " From your (va)gina"
Me: "That's right honey."
Goosie: " Then what is the Dr. for?"
Me: " To make sure that the baby and Mommy are okay afterwards."
Goosie: " oh."

Well this told me two things. One Goosie is one smart little cookie, she was not quite four years old and had deduced the truth. I promised myself and my children that I would never lie to them. Sometimes this means that I choose how much of the truth to tell them according to their age, but I will never lie to them. They will get enough of that from other people.
Two Goosie really didn't need to come with me to any more appointments!

I hope you enjoyed my 7 quick takes! Until next time dear readers, be blessed!

Bubbles

She has been clingy again tonight. Maybe it's just her molars? Bubbles fell asleep in my arms shortly after not eating much of her dinner. I put her in her bed about an hour and a half ago. She woke-up.. crying. So here Hubby and I sit, third wheel in my arms. After all the icky sickys that went through the house last week.. ugh Please Lord not again. My beautiful girl child.. one day she will grow up and maybe have a girl child of her own. There is so much time between then and now.

I was thinking the other day about camera's. There are so many moments in life that if captured by a camera they just wouldn't be the same. There are others that when captured take your breath away. The non-camera moments have been filling my brain lately. Words can only briefly describe them. Do you have any of those moments?

7 Quick Takes (vol.3)

Head on over to conversiondiary.com for some wonderful reads!! I know that my entry this week is a day late.. but  I hope you all will forgive me anyway!



1~ Bubbles has not been well again, so we are snuggled underneath my napping quilt while the rest of the family sleeps in the big bed

2~ It's going to be a long Saturday.. I worked last night and then had to run to the store to get somethings after.. getting home around 1am, means I was ready for sleep around 2. Bubbles woke up crying and was inconsolable around that time. Hubby took her down to the couch thinking she may need extra snuggle time and told me to go to bed. This worked for about 2 1/2 maybe 3 hours. Now everyone in the house is sleeping but me. And Hubby is sick. Ugh!  * 5 minute update.. Bubbles has thrown up twice in 2 hrs, this may not be a one niter  :-(

3~ This past week has been an interesting on of learning, reflection, and growth.. I think I grew a little. :-)

4. Goosie is singing in Church on Sunday. It will be the second time the children's choir she is in goes up.. I am excited! I will have the camera in hand and luckily Hubby will be beside me to press "record".

5~  I found this article interesting.. A little food for thought. I would LOVE to discuss it also.

6~ Our 8th wedding anniversary will be here before we know it. Nothing big is planned, just an early dinner out without the kids.. we will be home in time to put them to bed. I love Hubby so very much! Sometimes it seems like I only met him yesterday, other times I catch myself thinking " 8 years.. surely it has been a life-time" as it is hard for me to remember the time in my life before he was sharing it with me (and I his). He is honestly the first on my list of "Thankfuls".

7~ A Mommy Moment~~ Goosie has always loved being held. When Hubby's arms are wrapped around her at the end of the day she falls asleep so quickly. Bubbles has some what been forced to sleep independance, she can fall asleep on her bed all by herself, as long as the plethora of animals and other toys are surrounding her. Miniman is different. He loves for me to hold him, but he has also accepted the fact that I can't always do that. So Miniman has what I call his "holding" pajamas. These extra snugly pj's according to Miniman, make him feel like I am holding him. Then he asks to be piled up with blankets (making a nest of sorts) and he will sleep through the night.. or at least until 4 or 5 in the morning. Then he crawls into the big bed that isn't quite big enough (even though it's a king) that the girls joined us in around midnight. We co-slept with all of the kids, it was so much easier with breastfeeding. I admit I get irritated sometimes that there isn't enough room, but then I remember that they are only little for a little while and then they are grown.

Well dear readers, I hope you enjoyed my "Quick Takes" be blessed and have a wonderful day!

     

My sister L

Happy Birthday today to my wonderful sister L!!  Here is a picture of she and I from about two years ago.

L is a wonderful sister. There were times I went to her with confidances, and to this day she has kept them. L is also one of the strongest most determined people I know. She has never backed down nor backed up when she was needed. I can count on L to tell me straight up the way it is, I know she won't sugar coat anything.. and lets face it there are times when sugar coating is just not needed. Even though L can be blunt at times, I know she loves me. I also know that this Momma bear is fierce when it comes to her cubs, sure they are teenagers now.. but you still don't want to mess with them.I have grown up in the shadow of my older sisters and have learned much from them.. L I have learned a lot from you. I learned to take care of my kids first no matter what it takes. That what makes a person happy is not where they live, the clothes they wear or even the job they have. What makes a person happy is who they are on the inside. L my sister- friend.. you are beautiful. Your strength inspires me to do and be better. In the midst of all the things I have seen you go through, I have also seen you stand up, dust yourself off ( even though it hurt sometimes) and with a determined smile tackle what ever lay in your path. You are a blessing and an inspiration to those around you, especally those lucky enough to call you family. I hope that today you have a wonderful day.. that your beautiful smile lights up your face and the faces of those around you, I pray that when you close your eyes to rest tonight that you see the you that I see and love so dearly. Have a wonderful Happy Birthday!

Nehemiah

Last night I started a new Bible study. This one is on the book of Nehemiah. We only got through the first chapter as the class is going verse by verse and discussing every aspect of it. I don't recall going to a study like this one before and I must say that I am thrilled! I really enjoy not just getting to know the Bible, but the meat behind the verses. When Bible study was over.. I was challenged. I enjoy being challenged as it encourages growth. This challenge was not for inward growth, but for outward. Outward in the sense that I need to grow more towards others. There is a big wide world out there.. many of those in it are suffering, am I praying for them? Am I doing and showing them all I can to bring glory to God? Have I asked God to give me a heart for all the hurting people, or have I become like so many others.. numb and callous to the suffering of those who surround me?
In the first few verses something happens that I didn't quite understand.. and I don't really remember anyone explaining it to me this way either. Nehemiah asked for and heard some news.. this was not new news.. it was old news.. like as old as the hills news. But he was so distraught over it that he mourned for weeks if not months (around 3 or 4). Was he being overly dramatic?? If you knowing that there is a world of hurting people all around you and never really doing anything about it, were suddenly overcome by the Holy Spirit and you felt the pain of those around you, would you not cry out in anguish and pain?? It would almost be like not being able to feel anything to being able to feel everything. I honestly think that would be a lot to take in at once. Nehemiah was given a heart for those around him.. as followers of Christ are we not to have the same heart set?
"If there is one thing as a Christ follower that you can do for those around you.. it is to become a person of prayer" pastor Z said this last night and I must say that I both agree with him and am challenged by his words. Are you? I know that my prayer life is not what it used to be.. and it is no where near what it should be. But I also know that God is gracious and loving.. all I have to do is ask him to forgive me for my short comings and do better. But that is the key.. to DO BETTER. Prayer isn't a magic lamp that will get you what ever you want, there is some work involved. Something that I do remember hearing years ago is that God will never ask you to do it all.. he will at least meet you half way. There may be some patience involved on your part, but good things come to those who wait. And lets face it if it is worth waiting for.. it is always more then good. Well.. I need to get some things started for the day.. until next time dear readers.. Be Blessed!

Spiritual Thoughts (vol.1)

I have been digging a little deeper lately. There are things I have been reading and taking notes on that are good food for thought. During my weekly Tuesday morning women's Bible study, the leader asked us to look up Rabbi Jonathan Cahn. I did and was given much food for thought. Check out this link and be sure to follow the series (there are 5 excerpts in all). It is interesting to me, how history repeats it's self. I know I know that there are some who would disagree with me on religious basis.. but I would ask you to just listen with an open mind. After all a mind is like a parachute.. it is best used when it is open. Open mindedness aside, reason things out for yourself. Ask yourself.. is this possible?

The answer to me, is yes. I will be the first to tell you that I know enough about the Bible to know that I don't know enough, and that is the truth.There are many things I am still learning. I was talking to my pastor friend Z yesterday. He said something quite profound it was this: " I am always surprised by God and how he works, and yet I shouldn't be". What I took from that is this: God is full of surprises.. we will never have him figured out, and in case we do become complacent.. no fear there is a surprise in the works! Last year I felt challenged to look into other world beliefs and religions, even the different denominations within Christianity. I am sure I just scratched the surface, if I really wanted to dive in and seek things out (differences, similarities, foundational beliefs) I am most certain I would need to spend more then just a few months or weeks on each world view and religion. I fully admit that I looked into those that I had the most contact with over the past few years and concentrated on those. I still say that I only scratched the surface. Upon looking into each one I became more firm in my belief. Which for me goes to prove that you don't really know what you believe, or stand for until someone is standing in front of you with an opposing opinion. This year I feel challenged to defend what I believe. I thought some of my readers may find my journey interesting, so I will share with you some things I find here. Let me take a moment to say that not everyone will agree with what I believe, there are probably going to be some that are offended. Trust me when I tell you that I am not meaning to offend I am just trying to share a journey with you. You may feel challenged by what I share.. and that my friend is a good thing. If you are not challenged you are not growing.
So there it is dear readers. I will label these entries "Spiritual Thoughts" so they are easy to locate or ignore.. that choice is yours. I can only share what I find, the rest is up to you.

Letters

Almost eight years ago when I found out I was pregnant with Goosie, I started a journal. I wrote to her everyday. I wasn't sure at first if baby would be a boy or a girl, I just knew that baby was a blessing. So I wrote and every entry started with "Dear Baby". Over the years there have been a few people whom I have shared these journals with.. each has expressed to me that I should share them with more people. So I thought I would. Not all of them, because they are for each of my children. The promises I made them and words of wisdom I hoped to pass on I will however share. They will all be labeled "To My Childeren" and you will be able to find them all tabbed together for easier reference. So without further ado.. my first entry.


Jan. 14, 2004
Dear Baby,
We had chocolate today! I don't have any heartburn and it was soo good! Your blanket is going well, I am really excited about being able to make you things. I know that when I was growing up I went through phases. At first I really liked the fact that my Mom made most if not all of my clothes. Then when I started going to school some of the kids would pick on me about it. But when I got into High School and designed my Prom dress, my Mom made it for me and that was really cool! I realized that not everyone had a Mom like mine.
I don't want to embarrass you in anything I do. I promise I won't pick you up or drop you off anywhere in a bathrobe and curlers (if my hair is long enough for curlers). I could only imagine how embarrassing that would be. Please also understand that while Daddy and I are your parents, we will still make mistakes. I will try very hard to be a Mommy you are proud of, I want you to be happy and I know that Daddy does too. We may not understand all the time, but we will try to help.. if you let us. Oh, my sweetpea! I hold you in my heart and can hardly wait to hold you in my arms!
Love Mommy



I know that there will be times when my children will want to be as far away from me as possible. It is part of growing up. I also know that there will be a time when they each realize what they mean to Hubby and I. It won't be about the gifts at Christmas, whether or not we bring them home something from the store, or how many trips we went on throughout their childhood. What will matter will be that Hubby and I were there, that we provided them a safe landing place to call home. Even though they may screw things up a bit and throw us for loops we will be there. Standing firm as their parents, loving them through it all. That in the end is what will matter (at least I hope). Well, dear readers, the morning is not quite over and chaos is already ensuing here in the house on the hill. Until next time.. be blessed!

Ramblings from Today

When I take a moment and look back on all the blessings in life.. I can only say " I am humbled and overwhelmed".
Humbled and overwhelmed for all the same wonderful reasons. My three little ones keep me on my toes. Bubbles has found a way to get to my purse (which was being placed upon the top of the fridge), Miniman knows just how to look at his Momma to get his way.. I think he takes notes from Hubby, and Goosie; well she is all about doing whatever she can. Earlier today Goosie informed me that she no longer wanted to live in the same house as Miniman. First she told me that she was going to live in North Carolina. When I let her know that Meema and Papa weren't there she told me that she was going to go to Mexico! Luckily I have a cousin in Mexico.. when Goosie heard this she decided that she would just go to Mexico to visit.. and not to live. I thought that the matter was dropped after that, little did I know that Goosie was planning on a world tour and then her place of retirement! I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. Goosie will be seven this August. She is already trying to plan things out. Apparently there is a little boy in her class that she is going to marry.. Hubby of course has his own opinion on the subject, but I can see a good amount of younger me in Goosie.

I remember thinking ( I was probably in 5th grade) that if I wasn't married by the time I was 19 or at least engaged.. I would be an old maid. I admittedly was obsessed with all things boy and let my school work and friends go to the wayside.. I wish I hadn't. There are so many things I missed out on in the process. Friendships that fell apart because I concentrated too much on the guy I was dating. Hind sight being what it is I can see now the benefits of one relationship I determined that I would have. I "dated" Jesus. Yes, you read that right. I took about a year and decided to really dig in more to my personal relationship with him. I had a few offers during that year from guys whom admittedly I was interested in.. but I am so thankful that I took that time to dig a little deeper. I kept a journal.. I wrote to "Love" almost everyday.. multiple times a day. I would read my Bible and take notes while marring the margins with notes. The poetry I wrote during that time, was thoughtful. Reading some of it now, I find encouragement. There are many things that have happened since then. I decided to try things out my own way (only getting myself hurt), I almost married the wrong man, and was very thoughtless towards others. I pray that one day I will be able to share things with my girls and that they would really understand; that I have been there. I am their Mom.. but I am also a person who has made mistakes and learned from them. I realize of course that there are only some lessons you can learn on your own.

This year I want to share with you dear readers some of the letters I have written to my children. Promises I have made them and prayers I have prayed over them and their future spouses. There are so many things that happen in this world.. I know that God leaves nothing to chance, he has a plan for all of us. So until next time.. I pray that you all have enough.

7 Quick Takes Friday (entry #2)

My second entry.. head over to conversiondiary to check out other 7 quick takes!
1~ Today is my sister N's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY N!!! N you have always been an inspiration to me. Through the years I have watched you go through much, yet you do it with such grace and thankfulness (even the hard stuff). I am blessed to have you in my life. To say that I appreciate you is an understatement. Oh N, I look forward to our chats on the phone or on skype. When I talk to you or I am around you I feel challenged once again. There are so many ways that you light up the lives of those around you. This year on your birthday I wish you more then enough. You have been taking "handsfull of life" and sharing it with us, and I am grateful for it. Even though we are separated by miles..I feel so close to you. Thank you my sister-friend;life is happier, fuller and more exciting with you in it! Happy Birthday! 

Here are my Sisters and I.. N is the 3rd from the left.

2~ As you can see.. I come from a big family. Some would consider what I have now to be a "big" family, but we are only a family of 5. I came from a family of 10. Hubby came from a family of 4. When Hubby and I met we talked about families.. mostly about what size we wanted. I told him that I wasn't sure the exact number of children I wanted, but it was more then 2 and less then 5.  As 5 would not be a possibility for me. Some of my friends would probably say they think otherwise, but the collective sanity of the house cannot handle more then what we have. Children are a blessing.. one which I believe we are to care for and care about as such. So if you have a little one, either born from both your heart and body.. or just your heart, hold them~ cherish them~ let them know how much you love them. We only have once to help them grow.. then they will be on their own and we can only pray we did and taught them enough.

3~ Over the past week, all three of my babies have gotten sick. Goosie is the most recent. Bubbles.. got it started, lol. It is just a virus I am sure, but it is still so very hard to watch your little one's when they are sick. When any of the kids aren't feeling well, I wish I could take it on myself, so they wouldn't have to suffer through any of it. Well.. this time I got my wish. Momma got sick. It is no fun being sick, I assure you. Wait.. all of you know how miserable you feel when you are sick, so enough said.

4~  I am even more grateful for Hubby  then ever. In some of the little "down time" I have I came across two blogs Wades World and Teaching Tuck and Ty . Both of the authors have something in common.. other then the fact they are women. They are both young widows. One a military wife, the other a wife and mother. These women are strong. Courageous. After having to let go of the person they chose to spend the rest of their lives with too soon.. they are sharing their stories. The pain and discomfort they feel I could barely imagine. Yet here they are posting, choosing to share their grief and daily struggles rather then to give into it. Please stop by and encourage these women. Read their stories.. let them know they are not alone.

5~ The kids received a Wii from their Grandpa B for Christmas.. it gets a lot of use! From video games to Netflix it is defiantly living up to it's diversablity!  I have decided that it will have to go on a diet however, from the family. There is no need for it to be on as much as it is, so there is a diet plan in place. I already use the diet with the TV for the most part. I just have to include more things in it.

6~ I have a Dr's appointment for my hands today. I think I have carpel tunnel and tendinitis in both of my hands. My right hand is worse then my left and I am interested to see what the Dr at the pain clinic says is my diagnosis. I use my hands allot you see. Cleaning, sewing, knitting, crochet, preparing food, and all the other "Mommy" tasks I have. From what I understand there is the possibility of a cortisone shot and if that doesn't provide relief.. surgery. A few of my Sisters, along with my Mom have already had surgery on their hands. So although I don't want to go " under the knife" again. I am aware of the possibility.

7~ Reflecting on "Mommy Moments Past"~  When Goosie was born I remember holding her and thinking " I can't believe she is ours". Then Hubby took over. He changed more diapers in the first two weeks of her outside life then I did! There is something special that happens when a child comes into the world. I remember wanting to have a boy right off. I was a little upset that we were having a girl first, then I received a peace ( you know what I am talking about). I didn't understand. You see God is so great and awesome that years after pain has been caused, he brings healing. That is what happened with Goosie and Hubby. Hubby in his Army career has seen and experienced much. There was a story I remember him telling me and it rocked me. I could only begin to fathom how much Hubby had seen and experienced. There is allot of injustice in the world.. and God provided healing for some of it. There was an instance when Hubby was deployed that a little girl died in his arms and he could do nothing. When he would tell me this story, I could still see the pain in his eyes, hear it in his voice.. I only wished  I could do something. But that wasn't up to me. I might have carried the start of his healing for 9 months.. but he needed Goosie, and God knew it. God's provision is a wonderful wondrous thing.. just think about it for a minute, and count your blessings!

Painting the snow.. a Picture Blog

Over the weekend when the kids and I were playing in the snow, I had the idea to make them a snow box. The kids were itching to play in it, so after getting variouse molds, spoons, small construction vehicles, and of course the colored water. They were set to play. A snow box however one must remember is quite a bit colder then a sand box. With out the sun to warm them, their fun was short lived, but they are wanting to give it another go already. Here are pictures from the first snow box and snow painting episode.. enjoy.

Over The Weekend

Over the weekend much has happened. As always, it is Monday and I just want to recover a little.  Bubbles and Miniman of course have other plans for me. I did learn some new things over the weekend:
1. I can take a laptop apart and put it back together
2. Getting into debt is easy and fun.. getting out is hard and a bit painful.
3. Toothaches can ruin an entire weekend..
4. I do know how to play with my kids.

1~ Let me explain.. the disc drive on my laptop has not been working for sometime. I haven't really thought anything of it as I don't really use it much. However there are somethings I would like to do with it and need to get it replaced. But that is another rabbit trail. Bubbles at some point put a quarter in the disc drive.. one of the reasons it's not working. She also will put Cd's in it from time to time. I had always been able to get them out so when two came up missing and I couldn't find them anywhere else.. I tried to eject them from the laptop. If you didn't catch it the key word is "tried". They didn't come out. That's right.. she stuck two disc's in the disc drive. I am not going to go into the blow by blow detail of partially gutting the lap top.. but I did. It was interesting to see the inside of it. I could also see the quarter, I knew that it was a coin of some type.. just not which type. In case you are wondering I did get all three items out of the disc drive. The drive doesn't work, one of the disc's also doesn't work.. but everything is out.

2~ Debt. At some point we have all had it.  Currently Hubby and I are in as much debt as hit total yearly income. I won't get into numbers. I thought it was an insurmountable amount. I spoke Friday to a credit counselor at Christian Credit Counselors . The counselor pulled both of our credit histories and gave me a run down. Hubby and I now have a plan to be debt free with all debt paid in full (no settlements) in 2 years 8 months. Our monthly payments are about a quarter his monthly pay. So things are going to be tight. I will have to be more creative. My paychecks will go towards the monthly groceries and gas. But hey to be completely debt free by the time Bubbles is 5?!?!? You bet I was crying!

3.  I think this speaks for it's self.

4. For as long as Hubby and I have had kids I have seen him as more of their playmate then I. It never ceases to surprise me how Hubby can put aside all of his "grown-upness" and play along.  It doesn't matter if it is race cars with Miniman; my little pony with Goosie; or zhu zhu pets with Bubbles. I have always appreciated this about him. Saturday the monster driveway needed to be shoveled. So after breakfast we all got ready, Hubby got to work shoveling and I played in the snow with the kids. We haven't yet gotten around to painting it yet, but they do have a "snow box" ( think sand box but with snow). There are pails, shovels, molds, small construction trucks.. you get the idea. Then it was inside for hot chocolate. It was a good weekend.

Be blessed dear readers!

7 Quick Takes Friday (entry #1)

Thank you to my sister N for suggesting the blog conversiondiary to me! I think it is wonderful and wanted to start my own:

  1~ Potty training can take a long time.. Bubbles has been potty trained for sometime now, but she is still having a few accidents. If it has been a particularly busy day she doesn't last through the night dry.. I am so thankful for the extra sheets my sister G gave me last year.. with three kids that climb in our bed, it's nice to have more then two sets of sheets!

2~ It has never been a greater time then now to reconnect with your spouse. I wrote earlier that I was going to concentrate more on Hubby this year then ever, and it's already paying off. Sure The 5 Love Languages helped. Hubby and I talk about different ways that we love each other. My "love tank" is defiantly fuller this year then it was last and I am sure things will only get better.

3~ Honesty is always the best policy. I value so much the friends I have.. you are all so real to me. You don't back down from telling me the truth when I need to hear it the most, I am not at a loss for comfort or advise so long as you have something to say. My life is enriched by having you in it and I am grateful for each of you my friends!

4~ If you use your imagination there is always something new to do with snow. Sure it is winter. Here in Ohio there is snow all over the hill in my yard.. so we are going to color it. Spray bottles with food coloring and water should do the trick.. who wants a white lawn when you can have a rainbow colored one?? I will post pictures!

5~ I recently bought the Apologetic bible. I can't wait to get into it.. my brain is almost drooling for me to start already! No it is not about apologizing.. it is about defending Christianity against other religions and world beliefs. I am more then intrigued and ecstatically excited.. there is another bible I would like to have it is the Archaeological bible.. I will have to budget for that one however. Here is to learning and growing more in your spiritual walk! Remember if you are not being challenged, your not growing; if your not growing.. lets just say you want to grow!

6~ Bubbles I must say is living up to her nickname, she is one of the most exciting kids I know! She has a pretend princess camera and will go around taking pictures.. some I wouldn't care for her to really "take". But she and her little camera remind me that the children are watching. They are taking everything in. The way I clean the house, interact with them and Hubby even other people.. is how they are learning to interact with others. So be careful Mommy and Daddy feet where you go, be careful Mommy and Daddy mouths what you say.. your children will mimic your words and actions..

7~  I miss at times being pregnant and breastfeeding. When I was pregnant I knew that my babies were safe, no matter what. There was no way that anything or anyone could harm them. They were inside of me and I knew that they were getting the best care, and protection of their lives. I miss breastfeeding. Knowing that my little ones were getting all they needed from me. Feeling them so close, and there is a special kind of look each one of them gave me.. it is a hard one to explain unless you have breastfed. The soft baby caresses, the playful way each of them would tease themselves with their "nursies". The contented look on their sweet faces when they would fall asleep in my arms..  It is something that I will miss, but because I miss it.. I cherish the memories of nursing my babies all the more.

~~ I hope you have enjoyed my first entry of 7 Quick Takes Friday.. if you are interested in reading more follow the link above! Until next time dear readers, be blessed!

Appology

First let me apologize to my friends. I have not been a good one. The past few months I have been drawing into myself. I haven't been calling, writing, emailing, or otherwise. It isn't because I don't care. It is more because I am dealing with some things that I don't want to burden any of you with. I wrote a blog earlier about how I was close to two women and how one of them hurt me deeply and thus caused the seeming loss of both. I am still reeling from this. I fully admit that in the past I have just moved. The Army has seen fit to send us elsewhere and we have gone. Leaving friends behind and I would have to make new ones. I am deeply sorry my dear friends. It would almost be easier if Hubby were to get orders and we leave so I would not deal with the pain I still feel. It is not easy to write and I am sure it is not easy for any of you to read, but there it is. I don't think I have ever been good at relationships. Friendships are something I need to work on. I trust too much too soon and get hurt badly. I know that I am just not sure how to replace that behavior with a healthier one. I want friendships that last, that when a few days go by it's nothing and we can just pick back up where we left off. But this doesn't happen without work.
I admit that since starting to work I have become very self absorbed.. I have thought about what goes on here in the house on the hill and that is about it. I stopped thinking of you all and depending on you for what I know I should be. Friendship. My friends you are the best. You have been there for me in the past year when I needed you the most. I am so sorry I have hermited myself away from you and all the wonderful benefits of our friendship. I wanted to as it were lick my wounds in the quiet darkness. I am struggling. I want to believe that I have forgiven this person, but all the pain I feel begs to differ.I, like so many other people don't like pain. I think I can handle a good bit. I was hurt deeply and when I am honest with myself I know that I am still reeling. Not necessarily from the intital act, but certainly from the fall out. There is much turmoil I feel inside myself. I know that some of you love me so strongly that you may lash out and that is not anything that I would desire. I also admit that I have been struggling with attending the same church.. but I will not give on that one, as my big little family benefits far more then I could suffer. Pain is temporary and makes us stronger. I know that there are things I need to deal with, and I resolve to deal with them.. a third party present of course.  I know that things have been jumbled, maybe a bit garbled. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place, I just want a place to stand and rest. 2010 was turmoil for me, I was tested and at times wasn't sure I would make it. So once again I will share a prayer with you dear readers.. please agree in prayer with me.
Dear Lord, come and fill all the empty spaces and hurting places in my heart. I know that you are the God that heals, you have never let me down and I put all my trust in you. I come to you humbly and ask that you fill me, fill me so that I am not broken. If it is your will for this all to be used for some greater good let it be so. Give me the strength I need to get through this.. I can't do it alone. Thank you for your loving kindness that upholds me so wonderfully. I give my all to you and ask that your will above all others be done. Amen.
Thank you dear readers.. until next time; be blessed.

Love Languages

I saw one of you my dear readers today.. you told me that there was some interesting stuff on here. Well I am thankful that you find it interesting. It was also good to see you. The past few weeks have been crazy hectic and I haven't been around my usual haunts. I feel it in my spirit too. There has been a depression I have been trying to fend off. Some days I am able to, while others I just feel down. Way way down. Not as low as I did a year ago before the medication, but I am contemplating the benefits of counseling. Medication is after all just a band aid and not really a long term cure of any kind. Hubby has been wonderful. Although his back gets tight, the hours at work aren't getting any better and at times it seems that the kids will do anything but listen. Hubby has been stoic. I am so thankful for him. He does such wonderful things for me. On the weekends when I am working he cares for both house and kids. I often have started out the week with a pile of clean laundry instead of dirty. The kitchen stays clean and the kids are happy. With all that he does it just makes me think that I am lazy in some ways. Ugh.. lazy, I think a few of you would disagree. I must admit however that I let somethings go. my new friend S can attest to that. She is an organizer and likes things just so. When she comes to my house and sees the controlled chaos I am sure her OCD is just screaming to kick in. She asked me the other day how I have time to keep up this blog, do the meal plan and the other seemingly many things that I do. The answer is simple. I don't do it all, at least I can't that's why some things just don't get done.There are personal studies I would like to do, quilts I have all the makings for but have yet to start, a sweater for Goosie I started knitting when I was expecting Bubbles that isn't even 1/2 done. Please please don't get me started on my course work. I need to make it a priority. There are the guitar lessons I started, but didn't keep up with; the voice lessons I want to take but can't find the time for. The list could go on and on. Alas I will not bore you with all of it.
There is one thing on my list that will be topping it this year, Hubby. Admittedly I don't think I have made him the priority he deserves to be. There are so many things that get in the way (see above), that I hope to find time for him somewhere in between or after. Don't get me wrong Hubby is in no way an after thought. I think of him all the time. When I am at the store, when I clean the house, if I am driving to work.. I won't go into too many details but I think you get the drift. I think of him always. There is not a moment of my day that I am not wondering what he is doing and if he is thinking of me. And in case you were wondering after almost eight years (in Feb.) of marriage I still get butterflies when he comes home from work or enters a room. I want him to know how much I love and appreciate him so this year I will make it a point everyday to speak at least one if not all five of his love languages. If you are not familiar with The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman; I would encourage you to become so. We are different Hubby and I, his needs are different then mine and it is important that I know how to fill his needs so in turn he can fill mine. Being a helpmate is so much more then making sure the house is clean, bills get paid and so forth. Being a helpmate is a gift. It is one that you give while also receiving. Hubby is mine and I know beyond a shadow of any kind of doubt that I could not do all that I do (even all that I attempt) if it were not for him. He has also told me as much.
For some of you dear readers I can understand how hearing about our relationship might rub a sore spot a little. There are many who are going through the processes of separation and divorce. I wish this were not so. I wish that everyone would find their helpmate and not just a partner. I see those as two different things. A partner is someone who can quit (in the business world people break partnerships all the time), but a helpmate is someone who no matter what will never quit you.  Along the same lines a helpmate makes a heart decision (daily) while a partner is more of a legal term that comes with it's own obligations. I know that this is another thing entirely for some of you to read. This has been a concept of mine for quite sometime. Partners will want to complete you while helpmates understand that they cannot and will encourage you to find your completion in God. The two are vastly different. I would hope that you dear readers would find hope in today's entry. There is someone out there who is bigger than anyone of us or any of our problems for that matter. He alone can complete you, to look anywhere else in my opinion is to find things that are poor substitutes for the real thing.
Well, I must close this entry a little earlier then I would like. I am scheduled to go into work today and there is an errand I need to run before I get there. So until next time dear readers, be blessed and thank you for reading.